Upwards Church

Are you ready to deal with your envy?  Here are 3 ways to have less envy…

1.      Forget Comparing  

The Bible tells us that it is not wise to compare ourselves to others.   We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves….  2 Corinthians 10:12

We can become so preoccupied with comparing ourselves to other people and what they have that we lose sight of what we have.  No matter how good you are in an area, you can always find someone who does something better than you do it, has more of something than you have of it, or I more talented in an area than you are, There’s always going to be somebody who is stronger, faster, smarter, richer, prettier, and bigger than you are!  There’s always going to be somebody who can close deals easier, sing better, speak better, sell better, tell jokes better, manage their money better, you name it, there’s somebody who can do whatever you do and do it better in the opinion of at least one other person.  Even world-class record holders find that their records are usually broken during their lifetimes and often within a few months or years. 

Comparison is futile and it brings feelings of low self-esteem.    If everything is a contest and you HAVE to first life will be full of letdowns. We need to be the best we can be but be aware that someone else’s best at times will be better than our best.  That doesn’t mean that your best is not appreciated or needed.  Some may excel beyond what we can, they will make more money, have better kids, have a more romantic spouse, have more lucky breaks.  If we don’t accept the fact that we can’t have everything our way, envy will destroy me on the inside.   

2.      Focus on Your Blessings   

As we mentioned earlier if we are too concerned with what others have, we can easily forget to be thankful for what we have. 

John 1:16 reminds us that “because of God’s grace we have been given one blessing after another.”    We need to spend time thinking about our blessings or even counting them if you can.  I think of the song, the old hymn “Count your blessings, name then one by one! Count your many blessings see what God has done!” 

I often encounter people who are envious of others homes.  Here is a cure, work in a homeless shelter for a while, help out in an area that has been ravaged by a hurricane, flood or tornado.  Go on a Global Outreach trip, it never fails you will come back seeing that you have so much!  When I got back from Nepal last week, I literally felt like kissing the ground.  We HAVE SO MUCH!   We are minority percentage, to be an American is to be wealthier and have more materially than 98% of the world’s population.  How can we be envious when we realize that? We need open our eyes to really how blessed we are.

 Some are envious of other people’s bodies, here’s a cure volunteer at a rehabilitation hospital helping those who have lost limbs or ability to use them, work at a burn unit with those badly burned and see if you are not blessed. See if your eyes are not opened.

  Some of you are envious of others mentally here’s a cure; just go to hang around some Aggies, go to College Station, TX your eyes will be opened. (As an Aggie I appreciate Aggie jokes!)

3.      Focus on Being Christ-like

This is what we are all about as a church “To KNOW Christ and GROW to be like Him” One of our core values is “Christ-likeness”

In my own life I remember some key turnarounds.  In high school there was a point where I was consumed by what others were wearing that I didn’t have, that some of the football players were faster than I was, that some of the football players could bench press more than I could, that some of the guys had more girls interested in them.  The coaches/teachers liked them better. It was a prison!  By my junior year, I decided “I am going to follow Christ! That is where my thoughts will be, my energy will be.”  I was just tired.  I found several things that I did not count on.  I was more at peace in myself, and I got along with people better.

 Then when I went college and before long fell back into my old ways, wondering why my roommates had better cars, better clothes, more money from their parents, why some guys had more girls interested in them.  Back in prison!  Then I got back into focusing on Christ, went to church, bible studies, mission trips and serving… what peace awaited me.   This verse speaks to volumes …

Titus 3:3-4  “At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared…

At one time we all act foolishly, deceived, enslaved, full of envy but when the kindness and love of Christ our savior comes in our lives.  Man what a difference! 

If we focus on being Christ-like we are focusing on something bigger than someone else’s house, someone else’s car, someone else’s career, someone else’s money.  When we focus on Christ this other stuff doesn’t mean that much. 

Darrell

For more about the series, The Mess Inside, go to www.ridgefellowship.com

(All verses are from The New International Version of the Bible)

Do you know the difference between jealously, envy and coveting?  It easy for me confuse the meanings of some words.   If you’re like me let me explain the difference between each.

Jealous – the desire for something that is rightfully yours

 The Bible says in many places that God is a jealous God.  He is jealous for the affection, loyalty and worship of His people that are rightfully His. (Exodus 20:4-6, 34:12-15)  You can see how the Bible Encyclopedia defines them: 

“Envy is to be distinguished from jealousy.  We are jealous of our own; we are envious of another’s possessions. Jealousy fears to lose what it has; envy is pained at seeing another have. (International Standard Bible Encyclopedia (c) 1996 by Biblesoft)

Envy is a form of coveting but it’s even worse.  

Covet – to desire something that belongs to someone else

 Envy – to desire something that belongs to someone else AND to think that they shouldn’t have it!  

 Here’s an example of the three:  If I were jealous because Niki is spending too much time working and say, “Niki, we never get to talk, I would like more time with you, the kids and I never see you” That’s jealousy.  If I see my neighbor with a new lawn mower and think, “I have GOT to have that lawn mower!  I cannot live without THAT lawnmower,” that would be coveting.  Now envy gets even uglier and would be a thought like this, “My neighbor has no business with something like that! I should have that not him!” That’s envy.    

 Few of us would place envy and murder in the same classification but God does. (Romans 1:29)  Few of us would regard envy as something that can bring about death but it can.

 Envy will destroy us from the inside out.  A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones Proverbs 14:30.  Envy is the opposite of a heart at peace.

  Who are you most envious?  A name may come to mind, but let me help you.  We tend to be envious of people who do similar things we do or have similar things we have.   

 Let me share an ugly facet of envy I have struggled with. Niki and I came to this area to start The Ridge. It was God’s call, His leading and vision.  There was another church in our area that started a couple of years after ours with a similar mission, vision, music and ministries.  They did well.   I shouldn’t have but I felt envious.  “What are they doing here?  This is my town, my calling, and my vision.  They shouldn’t be here.” I felt.  Now deep down I want everyone in this community to come to Christ, why would I be envious of another church’s success?   I wrestled with that and God dealt with me.  I felt led to apologize to that pastor and to tell him I was praying for him.  Now because of God when I think about them instead of hoping they will fail or go away, I pray for them.  When I get other mailers for new church plants instead of thinking, we have enough churches, I pray for them.  Can God call other people to plant churches?  Does God want to bless others?  He does.  God wants others to succeed as much as you.  

How do you respond when God blesses someone? What’s your attitude when someone you know succeeds at the same thing you are doing?  Do you rejoice or are you envious? 

Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15  “

If you are envious, you reverse this verse.  In other words, when we are envious of someone we are sad that good has happened to them!   God delights in pouring out his grace and doesn’t have to ask your permission to do so.    Rejoice in the gifts and good fortune of others.

Envy even happens in church and it is sad.  People are afraid to let others join in the ministry they are a part of for fear that this new person may do a better job.  Don’t fear that applaud it.   I dealt with this six years ago and it is the most freeing feeling.  Despite what my selfish tendencies would dictate, I am here to help people reach their full potential in Christ. To help people GROW like Christ, which means they may outgrow me in areas.   When I invited Brian Shanklin to speak at The Ridge I could have recoiled and said, “Oh no, he is a great public speaker, filled with emotion, moving people to tears.  I can’t let him speak people may like him more!”  “Several years ago I would have struggled with that kind of envy, but because of God’s work in my life, they know I want him and others who help teach like Dan and Jeff to succeed.   This is such a joy to see others grow and to have others communicate God’s word in new creative and compelling ways.  Envy will keep us from enjoying and applauding the successes of others.

Are you so concerned about what you don’t have and what someone else has that it keeps you from thanking God for your blessings and for the many things that He has bestowed on your life? Are you allowing envy to rob you of your ability to enjoy life?  Envy blinds me to my own blessings, spiritual, emotional and physical.

Is it time to deal with the envy in your life?  Next time we will look at how to have Less Envy Mess.

Darrell

Sources:  Fatal Distractions, Ed Young and Preacher’s Outline and Sermon Bible – Commentary

For more about the series, The Mess Inside, go to www.ridgefellowship.com

(All Verses are from The New International Version of the Bible)

Been angry lately?  I get angry often.  I’ve learned that it’s not wrong to get angry.  God gets angry.  Over 300 times in the Old Testament it says God got angry.  Jesus got angry.  Some commentators call it “righteous indignation.”  Come on, He got ticked off, He was angry.    To be angry is to have a pulse.  It shows you care about yourself, something or somebody.   Some things you ought to get angry about. 

When it comes to dealing with anger you probably are one of three types.  Some of you know I that like reptiles so I will use them as our examples:

1. Some of you are Alligators.  You stand your ground, showing your teeth. With an alligator, you know exactly where they stand.  They let you know. 
2. Some of you are Tortoises.  When conflict comes you pull back into your shell.  Turn in to yourself.  You withdraw.  You become distant.   
3. Some of you are Snakes.  You lie in wait with venom stored up for the right time to bite.  Snakes are the passive aggressive types and you may not see it coming. They’re slippery and hard to pin down because they don’t like to admit that what they’re doing is being angry.

Which are you?  I naturally am a tortoise, but with God’s help I am learning to come out of my shell! It’s not how you get angry it’s what you do with your anger that makes it a problem.  Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin” Anger comes and goes.  What we do with it, that’s our choice. 

To avoid an Anger MESS I suggest,

M – Make Sense of My Anger.   It helps me to understand the root.  At its core anger is one of three primary emotions:  hurt, fear or frustration.   If you are angry about in the slow checkout line at HEB, that is frustration.  If someone breaks up with you, that is hurt.  If you lose your job, you may experience all three!    For instance if I find myself angry about traffic and I am running late, I am frustrated.  Then I can be frustrated at myself for not leaving early enough.   If I am angry about something someone said, it’s healthiest for me not to ignore it but to admit that it hurt.  I find the words of Proverbs 14: 29 so true.  

E – Express Anger Appropriately.   Have you ever lost your temper and did something you regret?  We all have story like Proverbs 14:17 “A quick-tempered man does foolish things.”  I knew a guy in college who punched a wall and broke his hand.  Someone else I knew who kicked a wall and broke his foot.  Is it wrong to punch things? Not necessarily, but get a punching bag so don’t hurt yourself or someone else.   We say things like, “I just can’t control my anger” but in the middle of an angry argument with our spouse the phone will ring, “Hello, it’s for you dear.”  What happened? We controlled our anger because we chose too.   We can learn to think before speaking, we can learn to cool off before acting.  The next step will helps us do this.

S – Seek God’s Wisdom.  James 1:5  We can ask God to guide us in how to act even when angry.   We may need to confess if we were wrong -James   5:16. Many times we should act upon our anger but with God’s direction.   At times we should confront and the bible tells us how and when.  Matthew 18:15–17.   For alligators, confrontation can happen without someone losing a limb!  God can give you grace and love.  For turtles, confrontation is traumatizing but God can provide strength. 

S – Seek to Understand Others.  This step doesn’t come naturally which is why I listed it last. Let’s take driving.  It brings out the anger in me quickly. Like Chuck Swindoll said, “the right foot may be the last part of the body to get saved.”  Well at least for me!   My son could relate to the little boy whose mom asked him, how did the ride to the store go? “Great we saw 4 idiots, 2 maniacs and 3 knot heads!”   I am slowly learning that:  “Drivers are idiots.  I am a driver.  Therefore I am an idiot.”  I have to remind myself that am not the only one in a hurry.  When I’m in a hurry I can bet than someone in front of me won’t be.  And when I am NOT in a hurry there will be someone behind me that is.  Seek to understand others.   Philippians 2:4 says it best.

 Messed up too, but depending on Christ,   Darrell

For more about the series,’ The Mess Inside” see, www.ridgefellowship.com