Healthy Marriage – Song of Solomon 2:8 -3:11

Posted on February 15, 2022 by dkoop

Last week we began looking at the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament.  The Song of Solomon is a Cinderella story.  It’s a story about King Solomon and the girl he fell in love with who was a common laborer.  We read how they meet, date, court, marry, have sex, and fight.  This is a song of all songs.  It’s a song that was told in a couple different voices, her voice and his voice as they express their love towards one another.  It’s like snapshots throughout the book.  We are able to take those pictures and look at them and get principles for our relationships as they tell us about the different seasons in their relationship.

Today we are looking at “How to Have a Healthy Marriage.”

Too often after couples make their commitments, the romance and communication are reduced, we settle into the grind of life and the relationship can get boring.

The first principle for a Healthy Marriage from the Song of Songs is simply this,

  1. Quality Time Together

10 My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. 11 See! The winter is past…12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” Song of Songs 2:8-13

Solomon wants to go out on a walk.  The winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers are here. The season of singing has come.   Spring is here – life is abounding everywhere.  Just as springtime is a representation of life, so too, time together as a couple should produce life.  Twice he says, “come with me”  “Come with me!”  Lets spend time together, let’s do something.  Time is the most valuable resource I have and I am going to invest it in you!

Quality time together is not just for single people.  Too often what happens is that we get married, we exchange vows then the time spent together changes.  Guys are pursuers by nature.  We pursue.  We go after a prize. Then we win her and she takes the ring.  The prize is won!  Then we move on to the next thing.  We can’t stop spending time together.  We have to continue to have fun.  She needs to be pursued.  Ask most guys what the most creative date they’ve ever done is.  They will tell you it was the night they asked their wife to marry them.  It ends then.  “You know that time I asked her to marry me, forty years ago, that was awesome.”  She still needs to be pursued today.

 Niki and I set a time together each week.  Both of us take Thursday off and we will just spend the day together.  We may go see a movie, go eat somewhere, sometimes we will just stay in our pajamas and watch movies or read.    We turn off our phones.  That’s right, turn off your phone and spend time together.  Now, you may not have that much time, but take a night, one night a week, or a night every other week, drop off the kids at a baby sitter.  Or find a couple to trade off with, watch their kids while they go on a date, next week, they watch your kids while you go on a date.  We book it on our calendar.  We lock it in.  It’s in concrete.  It’s an appointment that I have that’s not movable.  That’s my time with Niki.  It’s important that we have quality time together.  It’s important for all couples.  Secondly we need a…

 2. Willingness to Solve Problems

14 My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

This woman is an innocent dove up in the cleft of the rocks giving the idea of being hidden from all who would cause harm. In a relationship between a male and female, there are hidden deep things that you will not share with anyone, but as your relationship deepens, it’s like the dove coming out of its cleft.   Leaving its protection to come out and fly.  This is what God has intended for marriage – to know the deep things of one another, to help each other to grow as one and ultimately to become one.  As we find out more there is the reality of differences of opinion, differences in feelings, male and female differences.  Conflict is normal!  Conflict will happen. We will look at this in depth in two weeks.  We have to be willing to face these differences.

15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. Song of Songs 2:14-15 (NIV)

Catch the foxes.  In Israel there were actual foxes that would make their way into the vineyards and cause destruction.  These little foxes were seldom more than 15 inches tall; and in digging their holes and passages, they loosen the soil so the vines do not grow.  They would also eat the blossoms; therefore, it would never bud to produce the fruit.   The fruit would never come to maturity because something would eat it.  This business of keeping foxes out of vineyards is more difficult than it sounds. Vineyards in Palestine were surrounded by stonewalls topped by a hedge. The families stayed in villages in the middle of the vineyards to protect them from wild animals. This demanded much perseverance; if the people failed to watch, the foxes would begin their work of destruction.  It’s the same in a relationship; unresolved conflict will destroy a relationship.

 Paul Myer says, “Ninety percent of all those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit.”   Have you quit trying?  God is a God of second chances.  If you are feeling, “I have allowed those little miserable foxes to destroy my vineyard that God has given me.”  The Bible tells us that God can restore what the locusts have eaten.  Jesus first miracle was turning water into wine.  He is in the business of recreating.  Recreating death into life, sinners to become righteous.  Don’t quit. Try a different approach and ask God to change you.   God is in the business of restoration.   If you are successful at catching or keeping the little foxes out of your vineyard  here is what takes place (v. 16-17)  “My beloved is mine”  I trust him, I belong to him, safety and security.   Its an environment to grow trust, admiration and passion.   That is how chapter two ends.

In Chapter 3, verse 6 the woman describes her wedding day.

6 Who is this coming up from the desert like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense made from all the spices of the merchant?
7 Look! It is Solomon’s carriage, escorted by sixty warriors, the noblest of Israel, 8 all of them wearing the sword, all experienced in battle, each with his sword at his side, prepared for the terrors of the night. 9 King Solomon made for himself the carriage; he made it of wood from Lebanon.
10 Its posts he made of silver, its base of gold. Its seat was upholstered with purple, its interior lovingly inlaid by the daughters of Jerusalem.
11 Come out, you daughters of Zion, and look at King Solomon wearing the crown, the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, the day his heart rejoiced. Song of Songs 3:6-11 (NIV)

Now you may read that and think, “Well, that’s interesting.”  That’s not exactly how you think of a wedding, but in the ancient world, they did it different.

Notice in chapter 3:6 she says, “Who is this that comes like a cloud of smoke out of the desert.”  I think that’s an interesting choice of words.  As you look back at the early chapters in the book of Exodus in the Bible, how did God led the people of Israel into the Promise Land?  As a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night.  This was very important in their culture.  They would talk about this.  It was part of who they were.  She’s saying, “Solomon, I see you coming.  You are coming as if you are being led by God himself to come and take me in this processional to be your wife.”  God was in charge.

 That’s what we do when we exchange vows.  Marriages are done by mostly by clergy: pastors, priests, rabbis or a justice of the peace who also is supposed to act on the behalf of God.  Vows are conducted before couple, before some witnesses but most importantly before God.

I think about all the couples that I’ve married over the years.   I do about 4-6 weddings a year on average.  As I stand at the altar and look into their eyes, there is love in their eyes.   Then at some point the conflict, differences and selfishness drive a wedge in the love.  Relationships get hard.  Relationships take work.  I have a news flash for you:  It’s not easy to be married.  It’s just not.  People think, and I’ve heard this all the time, if you are in a relationship with your soul mate, with the one and only, then it wont take any work.  When you look at a couple with a good marriage and it seems that the grass is greener with them, the truth that the grass is greener where you water and fertilize!

Too often we base our actions in a relationship on our feelings.  Feelings are fickle. Here’s what I propose to you…  your feelings can literally be shaped by your actions.    What were the things that you did when you had all those feelings of love and excitement?  Think back to it.  What did you do for her?  What did you do for him?  What were those actions?  Start doing those actions again.  Feelings can follow actions.  Do the actions like you are head over heels in love.

If you think, “That feels hypocritical.  If I feel like I don’t I love him/her as I used to, how am I supposed to get giddy about that?”    Here’s what you do:  You realize that you aren’t being hypocritical.  You are honoring the marriage vow that you already took.  The marriage vow was not a vow to say, “I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife when I feel like it.”  It was, “I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife.”  That’s an action that I’m going to involve myself in.  It can take your relationship to a whole new level.  Do the things that you would do when you were head over heels in love.  Feelings can follow actions.

We recently took time  to renew our vows for all of our married couples at the end of the message last week.   We gave each couple a certificate. Think through with me what those vows really mean and let’s learn how we can recapture some of those first feelings we had when we stood there and you were head over heels in love with this other individual.

We take these vows in sickness and in health.  We take them in prosperity and in need.  We take them till death do us part.  That’s a tough issue.  You look around our culture.  Over half of marriages end in divorce.  People who stood there and said till death do us part.  There are people who would tell you in their marriages and in their relationships when they stood beside that altar and lit the unity candle that what they didn’t know was they were actually lighting a time bomb.  It was just a matter of time before the thing went off in their lives.  I understand that it’s complicated.  I will tell you this; marriages are micro pictures of God’s desire of our relationship with him.  I think that’s one of the reasons why God’s ideal is for us to be in one relationship through the course of our lifetime.  So that’s the third aspect of a healthy marriage…

3  Lifetime Commitment

The Bible says God says in Malachi, “I hate divorce.”  I quickly want you to hear this.  It doesn’t say I hate divorced people.  Big difference there, isn’t it?  He says He hates divorce.  God hates what divorce does in people’s lives.  It rips families apart.  It rips homes apart.  I think most of us are in agreement with God on that point.  God wants marriage to be a picture of our relationship with Him.  That’s why you read through the Bible and God is the groom.  The church is the bride of Christ.  In Revelation 19:7, on the final day we will have a wedding celebration. They call it the “Wedding Celebration of the Lamb.”  We are going to be there together.  Our hearts are bound together.  God’s going to do it because He loves us and cares for us.

We take these vows, “till death do us part.”  While in our own earthly relationships, those vows don’t always remain.  Here is what’s true…no matter how well or poorly you’ve done in your relational past, there is one relationship that will not disappoint.  There is one relationship where He will always be faithful.  That is your relationship with God.  No matter where your relationships are today; whether they are going well or terribly, maybe you are barely hanging on.  I want to challenge you to get one relationship right before you leave.  All of us some day will die.  All of us will face that moment of death.  The promise of the Bible is that we can be in a relationship with God because He sent His son, Jesus Christ, who died for us, for our forgiveness and we can be with Him for eternity.  That is an awesome promise. It’s a picture of a marriage between God and His people.

I believe God can do more to help you and your relationship more than anything else I could offer you.  He can do more than a self-help book more than marriage principles, more than anything else to help you.  What I’ve learned is that when you grow like Christ and your spouse grows like Christ you will begin to grow closer together spiritually.

Next week is racy and steamy.   In chapter 4 the couple enjoys their honey moon and we read as they have sex.   Until then!

Darrell

www.Upwards.Church

Watch Messages: YouTube-Upwards Church

Facebook: Upwards Church

Posted in Love of Loves in the Song of Songs | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Song of Solomon Commentary Ch 1:1-2:7

Posted on February 15, 2022 by dkoop

1:1. This verse identifies the author of the Song as Solomon. As Israel’s third king Solomon ruled from 971 to 931 b.c. Solomon was more gifted with literary skill than any other king of Israel for he wrote 3,000 proverbs and 1,005 songs (1 Kings 4:32). It is appropriate that a subject as wonderful as romantic love is described in sublime language by a competent human author, writing of course under the Holy Spirit’s inspiration. Interestingly, of the more than 1,000 songs Solomon wrote, only this one was designed by God to be included in the biblical canon. Solomon is mentioned by name in six other verses: Song of Songs 1:5; 3:7, 9, 11; 8:11-12.

The title Song of Songs offers a clue to the interpretation of the work. It is one song out of many songs. The reader therefore is not to view the work as a collection of songs but rather as one unified song. The words “Song of Songs” suggest the superlative, as in “most holy” (Ex. 29:37) which is literally, “holy of holies.” As a superlative the title may mean that this is the best of Solomon’s 1,005 songs or, more likely, that this is the best of all songs. In either case the Song sets before its readers a paradigm for romantic love in courtship and marriage.

The Courtship

Though this section (1:2-3:5) abounds with expressions of sexual desire, great sexual restraint is exercised by the lovers. However, after the wedding procession (3:6-11) there is a no sexual restraint in the Song. So this section points up the fact that in romantic courtship restraint in sexual intercourse ought to be observed.

A. Introduction: The expressions of longing, insecurity, and praise (1:2-11)

1. The Theme of Longing (1:2-4)

The Song begins with a soliloquy by the beloved in which she first expressed her strong desire for her lover’s (Solomon’s) physical affection (kisses, 1:2). The rapid interchange between the third person (him, v. 2a, and his, vv. 2a, 4b) and the second person (your and you, vv. 2b-4a) is confusing to modern readers, but it was a regular feature of love poetry in the ancient Near East. This stylistic device gave a strong emotional quality to the poetry. When she spoke of his love (v. 2b) she was referring to the physical expressions of his love (the Heb. word for “love” is the pl. dōd̠m, also used in 4:10). The statement your love is more delightful than wine means that his physical affections were exhilarating, refreshing, and a great source of joy (cf. 1:4).

The pleasing aroma of his perfumes made him even more attractive to her. Mention of perfumes led her to compare his name to perfume. A person’s name represented his character or reputation (cf. 2 Sam. 7:9). So comparing Solomon’s name to perfume meant that his character was pleasing and attractive to the beloved. For this reason, she said, many were attracted to him.

The statement the king (cf. Song 1:12; 3:9, 11; 7:5) has brought me into his chambers may be rendered as a request: “May the king bring me into his chambers.” In this sense she was expressing her desire for intimacy and marriage with the lover. This matches the first part of 1:4, Take me away with you. In summary, this opening soliloquy suggests that physical desire is a characteristic of romantic love and that properly channeled the desire is good, not evil. One ought to be “intoxicated” with love for one’s own mate (cf. Prov. 5:18-19), rather than with wine, drugs, or other people. However, the choice of a marriage partner should be based on far more than purely physical considerations. The beloved’s speech indicates that the character (“name”) of a person is vitally important in the selection of one’s spouse.

Speakers in the Song of Solomon
The beloved Friends of the beloved Solomon 

(the lover)

 God The beloved’s brothers
1:2-4a 1:4b
1:4c-7 1:8
1:9-10
1:11
1:12-14 1:15
1:16-2:1 2:2
2:3-13 2:14
2:15-3:11 4:1-15
4:16 5:1a-d 5:1e
5:2-8 5:9
5:10-16 6:1
6:2-3 6:4-9
6:10
6:11-12 6:13a 6:13b-7:9a
7:9b-8:4 8:5a
8:5b-7 8:8-9
8:10-12 8:13
8:14

1:4b. The beloved’s “friends” elsewhere referred to as the “daughters of Jerusalem” (v. 5; 3:10; 5:8, 16) and “daughters of Zion” (3:11), spoke in 1:4b. Many suggestions have been given concerning the identity of the “daughters of Jerusalem,” such as female wedding guests, ladies of the royal court, concubines in the royal harem. Most likely they refer to the female inhabitants of Jerusalem.

2. The Theme of Insecurity (1:5-8)

1:5-6. The beloved’s suntanned appearance (dark am I) revealed that she worked in the fields. This made her feel insecure (do not stare at me) among the city dwellers and in particular the women of Jerusalem. She compared her dark skin to the tents of Kedar, which were made of black goats’ hair. The people of Kedar were nomads in northern Arabia who descended from Ishmael (Gen. 25:13). They were known for their archery (Isa. 21:16-17) and flocks (Isa. 60:7; Jer. 49:28-29; Ezek. 27:21; also see Ps. 120:5; Isa. 42:11; Jer. 2:10). Apparently the tent curtains of Solomon were also black.

Her explanation for her dark appearance was almost an apology. Because of hard outdoor work in the vineyards, required of her by her brothers, she was forced to neglect the cultivation of her own vineyard, that is, herself and her appearance (cf. Song 8:12).

1:7. The beloved’s feelings of insecurity helped arouse in her a desire for her lover’s presence. She addressed him as though he were a shepherd (a common epithet for a man in ancient Near Eastern love poetry). The verse is either a soliloquy (assuming the lover is absent) or, if he is present, a request for a meeting later in the day. If she could not be with him she said she would be like a veiled woman. This enigmatic expression means either that she would be mistaken for a prostitute (cf. Gen. 38:14-15)

1:8. The reply in this verse is usually credited to the lover since he was addressed in the preceding question (v. 7). If Solomon is the speaker then the verse is probably a playful or teasing response. However, the verse seems too cold and distant in tone for Solomon. So it may be a disdainful reply by the friends: “If you, of all people, do not know where he is, go to the other shepherds where you really belong anyway” (graze your young goats).

3. The Theme of Praise (1:9-11)

1:9-11. The answer to the beloved’s feelings of insecurity (vv. 5-6) was the praise of her lover. Frequently he called her his darling (vv. 9, 15; 2:2, 10, 13; 4:1, 7; 5:2; 6:4). In ancient Arabic poetry, women were sometimes compared to horses as objects of beauty, but the reference in 1:9 is probably more specific. The words a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh is literally, “a mare among the chariots of Pharaoh.” Stallions, not mares, were used to pull chariots in antiquity. A mare, therefore, among the chariots might well start a chaotic experience. The point of the comparison is that in Solomon’s opinion she was as beautiful and sought after as if she were the only woman in a world full of men. When he further stated that she was beautiful with jewelry (earrings and necklaces, v. 10), the daughters of Jerusalem (we, v. 11) were forced to change their attitude of disdain (v. 6) and to agree with royal opinion. They even agreed to make her earrings. Verse 10 includes the first of numerous times in the book where he said she is beautiful (cf. v. 15 [twice]; 2:10, 13; 4:1 [twice], 7; 6:4; 7:1, 6). In summary, since the beloved had felt self-conscious about her appearance, the lover praised her physical beauty so that her detractors were forced to agree with him.

B. The growth of love and its intensity (1:12-2:7)

This section consists of a series of units in the progression of the lovers’ courtship. Their longing for and praise of each other expand and intensify, and the insecurity of the beloved is resolved. The first unit (1:12-2:6) records a growing intensity in desire, praise, and security. The refrain (2:7) is an appeal for patience since love cannot be forced.

1. Mutual Praise (1:12-2:6)

1:12-14. The beloved praised the king for his pleasing and attractive characteristics which were like perfume (cf. comments on v. 3) whose function was to attract rather than repel. He was constantly in her thoughts just as the smell of the myrrh (in her sachet around her neck) was constantly in her nostrils. Myrrh was a pleasant-smelling gum that exudes from small trees in Arabia. It is mentioned frequently in the Song of Songs (v. 13; 3:6; 4:6, 14; 5:1, 5 [twice], 13). All other men, compared with him, were like the desert. Among them he stood out like a beautiful cluster of flowers in a desert oasis. Henna (cf. 4:13) blossoms were white, and En Gedi was an oasis on the west coast of the Dead Sea. Earlier David had fled to En Gedi while running away from Saul (1 Sam. 23:29; 24:1).

1:15. The lover returned her praise by commending not only her beauty (beautiful occurs twice in this v.) but also her tranquil character. In antiquity doves (cf. 2:12, 14; 4:1; 5:2, 12; 6:9) were noted for their cleanliness and tranquility. “According to Rabbinic teaching, a bride who has beautiful eyes possesses a beautiful character; they are an index to her character” (S.M. Lehrman, “The Song of Songs,” in The Five Megilloth, p. 4).

1:16-17. Both of these verses may be seen as spoken by the beloved (rather than v. 16 by the beloved and v. 17 by the lover, as in the niv). Though she recognized his physical good looks (handsome) she was more taken by the charm of his personality (Oh, how charming!). The word “charming” means “pleasant” or “lovely” and the combination, handsome and pleasant, was as rare then as it is now. This is the first of about two dozen times she referred to him as my lover. The beams of cedars and the rafters made of firs probably do not refer to a literal building but figuratively to the pastoral setting in which they first met. This is also suggested by the verdant (green) bed (couch). The field where they fell in love and sat talking was green.

2:1. Here the beloved spoke of herself as a rose of Sharon, the fertile coastal region of Israel from Caesarea to Joppa. The Hebrew word for rose is ḥăb̠aṣṣelet̠. In Isaiah 35:1, its only other occurrence in the Old Testament, it is translated “crocus,” which may be the meaning here. It was a common meadow flower. The lily too was a common flower mentioned often in the Song of Songs (2:1-2, 16; 4:5; 5:13; 6:2-3; 7:2). Though in her humility she likened herself to common flowers of the field, her statement (2:1) reflects a significant contrast with her earlier self-consciousness (1:5-6). Her improvement probably was because of her lover’s praising her (1:9-10, 15).

2:2. The lover echoed his beloved’s newfound sense of worth by comparing her to a lily and all other women to thorns. He agreed that she was a lily (v. 1) but not just any lily! She was as unique among all others as a single lily would be among many thorns.

2:3-6. The beloved’s reciprocal praise of her lover was also expressed metaphorically. As an apple tree would be a delightful surprise in a forest so Solomon was a delightful and rare “find” among all the other men. He was unique, sweet, and fragrant.

The beloved’s praise of her lover reveals three aspects of romantic love that are important to women. First, she felt protected by him. Sitting in his shade was a metaphor for protection, not only in the Bible but also in the literature of the ancient Near East. She had worked in the sun (1:6) but now she enjoyed resting under his protection. Second, they cultivated the kind of relationship that allowed them to know each other intimately. The word taste expressed a knowledge of someone through intimate personal experience (cf. Ps. 34:8, “Taste and see that the Lord is good”). Third, the beloved appreciated the fact that Solomon let others see his love for her. As a banner (a military standard) was easily seen by the troops as they marched, so Solomon’s love for his beloved was easily seen by anyone who observed their relationship. He was not ashamed of her; instead he delighted in her and it was evident to others. One way he showed this was by taking her to his banquet hall (cf. “table” in Song 1:12) in the palace.

These three things—protection by her lover, intimacy with him, and obvious displays and expressions of love from him—are crucial factors that enable a woman to develop a sense of security and self-worth and thereby to enjoy a stable marriage.

The beloved had begun to experience these three things with Solomon during their courtship so it is no wonder that she became faint with love (2:5; cf. 5:8). The theme of lovesickness was common in ancient Near Eastern love poetry. So she expressed her desire for his strengthening and his embrace. She asks for Raisin cakes which were considered aphrodisiacs.

Since Song of Songs 2:5 is a request, verse 6 should probably be translated as a request also (“May his left arm be under my head, and may his right arm embrace me“) rather than a declarative statement.

2. The Refrain (2:7)

2:7. This refrain, spoken by the beloved to the daughter of Jerusalem means that sexual love cannot be forced or rushed but must be patiently waited for.  The very thought of being loved by so great a person left her faint, and she asked for apples and cakes of raisins so she could regain her strength. In 2:6, she anticipates the consummation of their marriage (“O that his left hand were under my head and his right hand embracing me!”), but she knows she must wait for the right time which is after her marriage.

www.Upwards.Church

Watch Messages: YouTube-Upwards Church

Facebook: Upwards Church

Sources:  Bible Exposition Commentary, Bible Knowledge Commentary, Life Application Study Notes

Posted in Love of Loves in the Song of Songs | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Attraction and Dating – Song of Solomon 1

Posted on February 9, 2022 by dkoop

If your married or dating isn’t it great to remember when you first met?   It’s a question that always comes up,  “So, how did you guys meet?”  I’ll never forget the day that Niki and I met, it was July 4th, 1994.  I was doing Youth Ministry, teaching Driver’s Ed, and in Seminary with no hope for meeting a girl my age.  We were introduced by a guy that I went to Texas A & M with, Greg McKeever. He was from Waxahachie TX, attending medical school in San Antonio.  He dropped by with two girls one of them was Niki.  One of the first things he said was, “Hey Darrell, you like my new BF Goodrich tires?  There’s two beautiful women and we’re talking about tires! There’s a lot that I don’t understand about relationships.  That is why I’m grateful there is an entire book of the Bible dedicated to relationships!

It’s called the Song of Solomon or the Song of Songs, whichever way you hear it, it’s the same book.  It’s tucked away in the Old Testament.  It will give us principles and insight into how to deal with the relationships that we find ourselves in.  It applies to everyone.  Statistics say that the majority of people will marry at least once in their lifetime.   Wherever you are, single or married this book will give you some great tips and insight.  If you are married and your relationship is barely hanging on then this book can help you take some steps to move forward.  If your relationship is going great then the Song of Solomon will help it become even better!

Here is what’s interesting to me.  We will go to college, or a trade school, and go for four years to get all kinds of information so we move into a career path and get a job.  Yet we spend hardly any time learning relational skills.  Over these next five weeks we’re going to look at this book that will serve as vital information to help us grow relationally.

Three thousand years ago a guy by the name of Solomon wrote a love song.  Solomon was the king over Israel from 970 – 931 B.C.  He reigned in Israel for forty years in peace. He took over the throne when he was twenty years old.  He wrote over three thousand proverbs, from what the Bible tells and 1005 psalms.  A lot of his proverbs are found in the book of Proverbs, two psalms in Psalms but the Song of Solomon, is labeled as “the greatest of all songs.”

Have you seen the Disney movie, Cinderella? Did you know there are over 1500 different versions of the Cinderella story?  Basically, it’s the story of a prince who falls in love with a peasant girl and develops this relationship.  Love causes them to conquer those differences that they would have faced.  There are all kinds of versions around the world.  But the oldest Cinderella story that I’m aware of is actually found in the Bible here. The Song of Solomon is a Cinderella story.

Once upon a time in the hill country of Israel, there was a king, who lent out a vineyard to a family.  That family worked the vineyard.  The parents had died, apparently.  There were two brothers and at least two sisters.  The brothers treated the girls very harshly, particularly one girl who they caused to do hard labor.  They caused her to work out in the field of the vineyard.  One day this young woman meets a shepherd.  This shepherd, as she begins to talk to him, develops a friendship.  As the shepherd comes back and that friendship begins to grow.  Eventually it grows into love.  Now, the shepherd says he’s going to come back and take the young woman’s hand in marriage but the brothers are skeptical about it.  They don’t believe it.  Then the shepherd goes away for a long time.  The young girl gets a summons to go visit the king.  She doesn’t understand what it’s about.  She goes before the king and when she walks in she sees the face of the shepherd, who was actually the king.  It’s the Cinderella story of the Song of Solomon.

What we have in this book, is this love song or love poem of them interacting with one another about their relationship.  It’s almost like they took a box of old photos and set it out on the coffee table.  They begin to take pictures out.  Look at this picture of when we were dating.  We get to look into their life from that point of view.  Look at this picture of when we are in conflict.  We can see how they dealt with conflict.  That’s how this whole song unfolds.

We don’t know the young woman’s name.  It just says in chapter six, verse thirteen that she’s a Shulammite.  Shulammite is simply, in the Hebrew language that the Bible was written in, is the feminine word for Solomon.  So basically, it’s the story of Mr. and Mrs. Solomon.  We begin to see how they interact.  Marriage and family therapists will tell you that there are some major landmines that every relationship will face and deal with.

Four of the most common landmines that couples experience are these:  money, communication, sex and religion.  Those four areas are huge areas of potential conflict in relationships.  As we look at the Song of Solomon, we’re going to learn some great principles for each.

First let’s examine the importance of character.  The Song of Solomon starts with the females, the Shulammite voice.  She says in chapter 1:2, “Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out.  No wonder the maidens love you!”

Remember this is poetry.  It’s a song so it’s not like reading an article in a magazine.  There’s a lot of flowery language.  There are a lot of metaphors and symbolism here.

She starts this love song by saying, “You know what Solomon, your scent is so pleasing to me.  Your fragrance draws me.”  Men in the Old Testament didn’t take a bath everyday.  But they would put oil or cologne on that would give them a certain fragrance or smell.

She says not only is he a wonderfully smelling person, “Your scent draws me to you externally, but “your name is like perfume poured out.”  This is very important.  The name in the Old Testament stood for a person’s character.

In Relationships:

1.   Character is Critical.

 It was their reputation.  She said, “Your name is so valuable its like perfume poured out.  It’s a sweet fragrance.”  In other words, you are not only beautiful on the outside; you are beautiful on the inside.  That’s what draws me to you.  Your character draws me to you.  This is so important for us to hear today.  Beauty is only skin deep.  Beauty fades, but character remains.   Looks are important, yes, but character is critical.

If you e in a dating relationship, I want to challenge you to put character at the top of the list of the qualities for the person you are looking for.  As I look around at our society, character seems to find it’s way at the bottom.  We think, “I’ll change him or her.” Not likely.   They may eventually change on their own but you are looking at a war if that’s the way you try to go about navigating a relationship.

How do you determine a person’s character?  How do you figure out who they really are in a dating relationship?  We get a couple principles out of this verse that we just read in the Song of Solomon.  Now I want to put it to you in the form of questions you can ask to help determine a character.

 Ways to Examine Character…

How does this person act under stress? How do they act when they are under pressure?  She said, “Solomon, your name is like perfume that’s poured out.”  The way they made perfume in that day, some translations translate that phrase “it’s like purified oil poured out.”  They would take olives and put them under incredible pressure.  Out of that pressure would come the oil that would become the cologne of their day.  If you want to determine what their character is really like then look at how they deal with pressure.  When they are under stress?  Watch how they handle that.  It will tell you a lot about who that person is.

What do others say about this person?  Another question to lay over a person’s life if you are in a dating relationship is this, what do others say about this person?  You should listen to the voices around you.  The Shulammite said, “Solomon, all the other maidens love you.”  The people loved him.  In other words, everyone says good things about you and I’m not ashamed to be in a relationship with you. Have you ever known someone who dated someone and kept it back in the closet?  My question is if you are not willing to take that relationship public, if this is a person you are not proud to be with then why are you in that dating relationship?  Let me tell you what’s happening.  If you are dating a bad boy because they’re bad or a bad girl because she’s bad and you’re in this relationship and ultimately see it going nowhere, here’s what’s happening…you’re shading your own character in that relationship.  Character matters.  Ecclesiastes 7:1 says this, “A good name is better than fine perfume.”  Is this person that you are with someone you wouldn’t be ashamed to take home and meet the parents?

How does this person treat others? Another question you can ask if you want to determine a person’s character is this, how does this person treat others?  If you are in a relationship and you are dating a guy and you’re dating him for a couple weeks and you notice him telling a lie to one of his friends, don’t be so naïve to think he wouldn’t tell a lie to you.  If you are in a dating relationship and this guy just stole from someone else don’t be so naïve to think that at some point he wouldn’t steal from you.  If he’ll do it to someone else, at some point he has every capability of doing it to you.  Look at how a person treats other people and you’ll get a real window into their character and who they are and how someday they may treat you.

Those are some critical questions.  External beauty is only skin deep.  Put character at the top of the list if you are in a dating relationship with another person.  Character is critical.

Another tip that we see here in the Song of Solomon is to

Communicate Love and Respect.

He Communicates Love.

For men to communicate love to the woman in their life is important.  Solomon has done that with this Shulammite.   In chapter one, verse five here’s what she says, “Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon.  Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun.  My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected.”  A couple things we need to see here.  First of all, in our culture everyone is about getting a tan.  We go to great lengths to get a tan.  There are tanning beds, tanning salons and tanning lotion.

This had nothing to do with race.  In Solomon’s culture a tan implied that you were a laborer.  A tan implied that you had been working out in the fields.  She says, “Don’t look down at me.  Don’t despise me because of my skin.  I have a farmer’s tan to prove I’m not of the same social class that you are.” It’s something she doesn’t like about herself.  Don’t we all have things that we don’t like about ourselves?  She says, “I’m dark.  Don’t look down on me.”  Here’s what he does, Solomon communicates love to this woman to such a degree that you see her change over the course of the book.

In the early chapters you see some self-doubt expressed but as the book goes on she begins to find more and more confidence.  She’s gone from viewing herself as somebody who may be unacceptable or as someone who may not be as beautiful as someone else to seeing herself as the most valuable thing in his world.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Solomon says, “There is no one like you in my world.”  He has communicated that to her so that she understands it and receives it.

In chapter 1:9 Solomon says this, “I liken you, my darling…” That’s significant so I want to stop right there.  That phrase, “my darling” could literally be translated, “my female friend.”  They developed a friendship.  If you want a relationship that lasts, it has to be built on an intimate friendship.  You can get into a relationship based on sex.  Studies say that in as little as one year that relationship will dissolve if built on sex alone.  You can get in a relationship based on any number of things but the relationship that lasts is a relationship that’s anchored in a friendship and an intimacy.  He says, “I liken you my female friend.”  Do you know what I think the greatest challenge is in intimacy, in relationships today, is simply time.  We are so busy, aren’t we?  We are going in so many directions with so many responsibilities.  There are so many things that we need to do that it’s hard to find time to be around.

A relationship can only go so long if that friendship and time element starts to break down before it starts to drift.  We’ve got to work hard.  We’re going to look over the next six weeks how we can carve out time to develop that friendship and community.  Solomon says this in verse nine, “I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh. Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels.  We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver.”  Just a word of caution here guys.  You probably don’t want to go home and when the wife walks out before a date say, “Honey, I liken you to a mare.”  She’ll say, “Are you calling me a fat horse?”

In Solomon’s culture it was different.  Mares weren’t harnessed to chariots.  In Egypt and other parts of that world it was a stallion that would be harnessed to a chariot.  If a stallion was about to charge into battle and someone were to bring out a mare, the stallions would be distracted.  Here’s what Solomon is saying, “You are like a mare hooked to a chariot.”  In other words, when you walk in the room, all my attention goes to you.  When you come into a room, everything stops.  You are my number one greatest distraction.  You are the only one I can think of.  He’s communicating love to her.

Here’s what Solomon has learned how to do, he shows us how to communicate love so she receives it.  He communicates love to her verbally so it changed her own image of herself and he’s communicated it to her with gifts.  It’s all these little things.  It’s not once a year.  It’s the little things that add up.  Tell her that you love her in front of her friends.   Tell her you love her hair.  Tell her you love the way she looks.  You love this about her.  You love that about her.   What you will find is that your love quota (your love ability) will begin to just rise in your household.  It will begin to rise in that dating relationship as you are communicating what the other person needs.  You are communicating it in a way that they need to hear.

She Communicates Respect.

As you look at the Song of Solomon you can just tell that she has so much respect for him.  It comes off of everything she says, even in those couple of verses that we just read.  “Your name is like a perfume poured out.”  She is drawn to him and she respects who he is as a person.  This is really, really important.  Ladies, hear me on this. I’m convinced men’s primary need is not simply love.  I think that’s a woman’s primary need.  A man’s primary need, even before love, is respect.   Ephesians 5:33 says this, first it speaks to husbands, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself.  The wife must respect her husband.”  It doesn’t say, “Husbands love your wives and wives love your husbands.”  It’s says, “Husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands.”  Think about the implications of that.  I believe a woman’s primary need is to feel loved.  But a man’s primary need is to feel respected.  In fact, I read a poll where they sat down with four hundred different men and asked them this question:  If you had to choose between being alone and unloved for the rest of your life or being disrespected by everyone, which would you choose?  Seventy-four percent of men said they would choose to be alone and unloved the rest of their life rather than being disrespected.  Sometimes our problem might be that women are trying to love their men but what men need is respect.  Out of that respect, they will be motivated to love them and meet those needs. *There’s a whole book based on this called, “Love & Respect” it’s a best seller and a Connect Group that we have offered before.

One woman I read about started to implement this in her relationship.  She said this, “Just a few days ago I decided to tell my husband that I respect him.  I felt so awkward to say the words but I went for it.  The reaction was unbelievable.  He asked me what I respected about him.  I listed off a few things.  Although I could have said much more, I watched his demeanor change before my eyes.”  Too often we think that love needs to be unconditional but respect is earned.  Maybe at work, but not at home.   Love AND respect is unconditional.

Ladies respecting your man will begin to transform the way they love you and communicate their love to you.  It can take the relationship to a whole new level.

Next week we’ll look at how to have a healthy marriage.  We’ll discuss dating and why dating shouldn’t end when you walk down the aisle, we’ll look at conflict and how to reduce it and how to communicate show our commitment. When it comes to relationships the Song of Solomon has so much to say.   Until next week!

Darrell

www.Upwards.Church

Watch Messages: YouTube-Upwards Church

Facebook: Upwards Church

Posted in Love of Loves in the Song of Songs | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Song of Songs Series Introduction

Posted on February 5, 2022 by dkoop

Series: Love of Loves in the Song of Songs

Description: God knew what He was doing when He created love, marriage and sex. In fact, He wrote the book on it! God has given us a divine manual on romantic relationships in the Song of Solomon, taking us from a couple’s initial attraction through courtship, marriage, honeymoon, conflict, and deepening intimacy. These scriptures are insightful and (at times) explicit, but offer guidance toward the emotionally-satisfying relationships and marriage that God desires for you.

 

Dates           Titles                                Scripture                          Events  

2/6                Attraction & Dating            Song of Solomon 1-2:7

2/13              Healthy Marriage               Song of Solomon 2:8-3:11          Vow Renewal

2/20              Passionate Sex                  Song of Solomon 4

2/27              Handling Conflict                Song of Solomon 5-6

3/6                Lasting Love                      Song of Solomon 8

Book Overview:   SATURATED with stories of sexual escapades, secret rendezvous, and extramarital affairs, today’s media teach that immorality means freedom, perversion is natural, and commitment is old-fashioned. Sex, created by God and pronounced good in Eden, has been twisted, exploited, and turned into an urgent, illicit, casual, and self-gratifying activity. Love has turned into lust, giving into getting, and lasting commitment into “no strings attached.”

In reality, sexual intercourse, the physical and emotional union of male and female, should be a holy means of celebrating love, producing children, and experiencing pleasure, protected by the commitment of marriage.

God thinks sex is important, and Scripture contains numerous guidelines for its use and warnings about its misuse. And sex is always mentioned in the context of a loving relationship between husband and wife. Perhaps the highlight of this is Song of Songs, the intimate story of a man and a woman, their love, courtship, and marriage. Solomon probably wrote this “song” in his youth, before being overtaken by his own obsession with women, sex, and pleasure.

A moving story, drama, and poem, Song of Songs features the love dialogue between a simple Jewish maiden (the young woman) and her lover (Solomon, the king). They describe in intimate detail their feelings for each other and their longings to be together. Throughout the dialogue, sex and marriage are put in their proper, God-given perspective.

Much debate has raged over the meaning of this song. Some say it is an allegory of God’s love for Israel or for the church. Others say it is a literal story about married love. In reality, it is both—a historical story with two layers of meaning. On one level, we learn about love, marriage, and sex; and on the other level, we see God’s overwhelming love for his people. As you read Song of Songs, remember that you are loved by God, and commit yourself to seeing life, sex, and marriage from his point of view.

Vital Statistics

Purpose: To tell of the love between a bridegroom (King Solomon) and his bride, to affirm the sanctity of marriage, and to picture God’s love for his people

Author: Solomon

Date Written: Probably early in Solomon’s reign

Setting: Israel—the Shulammite woman’s garden and the king’s palace

Key People: King Solomon, the young woman of Shulam, and friends

The Blueprint

  1. The wedding day (1:1-2:7)
  2. Memories of courtship (2:8-3:5)
  3. Memories of engagement (3:6-5:1)
  4. A troubling dream (5:2-6:3)
  5. Praising the bride’s beauty (6:4-7:9)
  6. The bride’s tender appeal (7:10-8:4)
  7. The power of love (8:5-14)

Song of Songs is a wedding song honoring marriage. The most explicit statements on sex in the Bible can be found in this book. It has often been criticized down through the centuries because of its sensuous language. The purity and sacredness of love represented here, however, are greatly needed in our day in which distorted attitudes about love and marriage are commonplace. God created sex and intimacy, and they are holy and good when enjoyed within marriage. A husband and wife honor God when they love and enjoy each other.

MEGATHEMES
THEME EXPLANATION IMPORTANCE
Sex Sex is God’s gift to his creatures. He endorses sex but restricts its expression to a man and a woman who are committed to each other in marriage. God wants sex to be motivated by love and commitment, not lust. It is for mutual pleasure, not selfish enjoyment.

I hope you can join us.

Darrell

www.Upwards.Church

Watch Messages: YouTube-Upwards Church

Facebook: Upwards Church

Sources: Life Application Study Bible , (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale, 1988), WORD
search CROSS e-book, 1075-1074.
Posted in Love of Loves in the Song of Songs | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment