10 Reasons We Need to Be Connected with Others

Ridge My New Life Res“You want to go where everyone knows your name!”

Recognize that line?  If you’re my age or older, those words ring a bell.  I grew up with this sitcom called Cheers, about this bar in Boston that began as a hang-out place but became like family. They loved to go, not only because of what they were able to eat or drink, but because of the people.  A place where they know your name.

Here’s the theme song to Cheers,

“Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got.

Taking a break from all of your worries sure would help a lot. Wouldn’t you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name

and they’re always glad you came.

You want to be where you can see

our troubles are all the same.

You want to go where everybody knows your name!”

I think it’s unfortunate that’s about a bar and not the church! I really believe that God designed the church to be the place where you are known.   Some may think, “This church is too big, they can’t know my name.”  And that’s why the Bible says about the early church,

They worshiped together at the Temple (BIG) and met in homes (SMALL)  for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity.  Acts 2:46

Yes, we need the big (Sunday Worship) so we can do BIG things for Jesus, but we need the small (Growth Groups) so everybody can know your name. And that’s why every one of us that call The Ridge home,  should be in a group, a Growth Group.

I want to give you 10  reasons you need connection in Growth Group.

1. I Need to Be Known 

 It’s just like the Cheer’s song.  “A place where everybody KNOWS your name.”  Why? Because there’s a public side to me, but there’s another side to me, things I keep in until I am in a safe place to share or a safe place to be known.  We all will have “that” day It’s the day we get the bad news, it’s the day we get the test results, it’s the day, where we lose the loved one. All of us need someone on “that” day!  We don’t even need a church of fifty, we only need a few people who know and care.  We need the Growth Group, the place where everybody knows our name and says, “I know that hurts. I’m praying for you. I know you are hurting, I want to care for you.”  “Here’s some money for that bill.” “Let me watch your kids so you can take care of _______.”   When people know you they will care for you.  It’s about moving from the Sunday crowd where you have been more or less anonymous into a small group of people that know each other beyond just a name. They know you and when life throws you a curve.

2.  I Need People Who Will Help Me.  In our church audience, we all “know” that life is hard. But we may not know that you specifically lost a job, unless you are in a group, then we really “know!”   Groups make your needs known, your hurts know and then people can do something about them.  Sure, put it down on a Connection card, someone will email or call you.  But why not have someone give you a hug and pray for you in person?  That’s what happens in a group.

On a regular basis, we have Growth Groups provide meals, watch kids,  raise hundreds, even thousands of dollars for a bill, buy gifts, loan a car, help move or just celebrate life’s happy times like birthdays, showers and anniversaries.   Who wouldn’t want that?

Here’s another reason why I need a Growth Group

3. I Need a Place to Remove My Masks 

I’ve got a mask. I’ve got some things that you don’t know about me and you’re not going to know about me!   We can play games with large groups of people.  But in my family, in my group, I’m don’t need to wear a mask.  At some point it needs to come down.   Here’s why.  I’m vulnerable if no one knows about me.  If there’s something that only you know about you, you’re vulnerable.

We refuse to wear masks and play games… Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open… 2 Corinthians 4:2 MSG

It’s like that movie with James Franco, 127 Hours. Did you that?  He goes hiking but doesn’t tell anyone where he is.  No one has a clue.  He falls down into this hole and rock pins his hand where he can’t get out. He’s stuck there for 127 hours, drinking his urine, suffering alone, because no one knows where he is.  He finally has to cut his hand off with a pocket knife to get away.

4.  I Need People Who Will Protect Me

Do you realize that’s how unsafe our lives are if no one knows.  We get maimed. Bankruptcy, the addiction, the affair will take a limb from the person who keeps it a secret!

We have people that will listen, pray, help you with a financial plan, a counselor, software or something to help you overcome your problem.  But no one can if you keep it to yourself. By the way, the movie 127 Hours was based on a true story and now the real character tells everywhere where he’s going, everywhere.  We need to tell people (not all people but some people) where we are, who we are, and what we struggle with.

You’re vulnerable if no one knows..so, what do we need?

5.   I Need People who will Heal Me. They cannot help you if they don’t know what’s going on inside of you.

For some people, I’m going to keep everything I do and say out in the open. You need a few people who really know.  Things like your computer browsing, your spending habits, your thought life, your temptations.   It’s really the only way you’re going to get over habitual sin. If you confess to God, God will forgive you.  But James 5:16 says,

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  God will forgive you, but confession to a person or group of people, that’s when you are going to be protected and where you to see you find healing.

6.  I Need People who Can Help Me See my Blind Spots 

Just as when we are driving we have blind spots, as we live life we have things we cannot see about ourselves.  It’s like this:  “I didn’t know I acted that way, but you know I acted that way.”  I didn’t know I had spinach in my teeth, but you sure can see it!

We have that exposed place.  Here we are just smiling away and we’ve got that big nasty piece of spinach between our teeth.  And friends don’t let friends keep that in their teeth! It’s like,  “Here’s mirror/toothpick” or “You missed a belt loop!”  Recently my dad wore two different colored boots out, and no one told him.  He wondered why people were giggling until my brother pointed it out!

At a service at our church when we were still meeting at the school one of the worship leaders got up to start the praise and worship but his fly was down, another member jumped ran to front of the stage and said to the audience, “Hey everyone, why don’t you turn and say hello to someone next to you and greet.”  You think we do that because we want you to be nice! We are usually fixing things!  Problem taken care of.  They were a growth group at that moment!

And here’s the point: We’ve all got blind spots and everybody will see them unless we entrust a few people who love us to let us know what they are.

7. I Need Somebody Who’s Going to be Honest with Me.   I need somebody to know if I’m not treating my wife the way I should and tell me. I need someone who is going to tell me, “You know what? Your attitude really stinks.  You are being hurtful. Did you know that?

I just hope that you have someone that you’ve allowed to be honest with you because we all need it. Look what the Bible says about this in Proverbs 27:6;

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

So, the Bible says that the good guy, the friend says “Hey bro, we’ve got some things we need to work on here.”  It’s your enemy that’s kisses you saying, “Oh, you’re wonderful, you’re just the best!”  No, we need people who can really be honest with us and help us with our blind spots

8.  I  Need to Know My Hidden Potential

Only God knows our true potential.   If you think  “If my potential can only be realized by God, how does a Growth Group help?”

Here’s how: Because in God’s system, to pulling out your best, God’s system is you connecting with another member of the Body of Christ. That’s why he calls us the Body of Christ.

We are not supposed to be body parts, we are supposed to be, hand knowing where the wrist is, the wrist knowing where the arm is, arm knowing where the shoulder is.  But, it’s connection, it’s not just parts, it’s connected parts. And that’s why the Bible says:

Each part does its work and helps the other parts grow, so Christ’s whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.     Did you catch that?   HELPS the other parts grow.  I need help growing and you do too!

I’ve shared before that I’m not a very affectionate person a “huggy” type of person, but Laurie Kibel and Brian Shanklin have helped me grow in that area of affection!   Bonnie Bennetsen and Laura Campbell have helped me be more prepared and plan ahead, and the list could go on.

9. I Need People who will Grow Me.     What area do you need to grow in?  In love? In parenting? In being a better spouse?  In caring for people?  You won’t do it alone!   You’ve got potential!  But you need to get in a group to draw it out!

That happens when we connect to the Body of Christ.

Simply put, your life can be changed powerfully just by attending this church. Jesus can touch you but you need more than that. We recognize here at The Ridge, that we need to be a large church making a difference around the world; we know that. We need to be making a difference in people’s lives, and it takes something big  to pull that off, but the big church needs to become small because we need more than that.  You need a place where you’re known, they’re glad you came, they can help you, protect you, be honest with you and grow you.

Let’s look at this final reason. , I think it’s challenging but worth achieving:

10 .  I Need People Who Will Stand With Me No Matter What

There are “friends” who destroy each other,  

    but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.   Proverbs 18:24 

Have you ever had those so called “friends” who destroy you?  Someone who say’s they are your friend but stabs you in back?  Someone that claimed to be close and connected to you but then turned on you.  I have and the betrayal is not fun.    The type of relationship I’m talking will not be built overnight.  Or for that matter in one or two semesters in a Growth Group.  But over time, I have seen relationships build from a Group where the connection is as close as any family.   If you need something, they will be there, period. If you make a mistake, they are with you no matter what.   Families can be close, brothers can be close.  Who will stick closer? A “real” friend:  forged by faith in Christ and love for Christ and each other, it takes being together, serving together, giving together and most importantly time.   Some would call this an intimate or trusted friend.  It won’t be everybody, but it can be a few people.

I want to challenge you with everything in me to consider getting in a Growth Group.  Just to take the plunge of getting in some meaningful relationships.

How do you sign up?   You can sign up today online.  Its what we call a one step sign up.

Go here for Leander,  here Jarrell,  and here for Taylor

You click your group, fill out the short form, click and BOOM!  You’re signed up! Its that easy and then…. Be prepared to grow spiritually. Be ready to build relationships and be known, be cared for and make a difference!

Darrell

http://ridgefellowship.com/

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5 Reasons We Don’t Get Connected With Others

Ridge My New Life ResWhat are your reasons for not being connected with others in a Group?  Here are the common reasons I have used or have heard by others.

1. I don’t think I need to. 

Its easy for me to feel a self sufficiency that keeps me from connecting or depending on others.  I actually think, “I can handle all that life throws at me, I can do this!”

I heard a story about Mohammed Ali (I don’t know if it’s true, but it’s a good) Mohammed Ali was on an airplane and refused to buckle his seat belt and the flight attendant said, “Sir, you’re going to have to buckle your seat belt!”

He responded, “Superman don’t need no seat belt!”

To which the flight attendant responded, “And Superman didn’t need no air plane either! Buckle up!”

And some of us are like that. We think, “I’m strong, I don’t need anyone or anything.  It’s not true.  We have limits, and can’t leap tall buildings in a single bound.  When someone dies, when you’r laid off, when there’s more month than the end of the money, we do need someone.

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.”  Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10

2.  “I’m Shy/Introverted

This is me. I prefer to listen and not talk a whole lot.  Being alone creates energy and is necessary for me, but it’s no excuse to avoid people all together.   Being introverted is not a good enough reason to miss out on all the blessings of being connected with others. What I have discovered is that in a group, I don’t have to be the center of attention.  I can sit and just listen.   You can too.   Here’s what you need to know:  In a Growth Group at The Ridge you will not be singled out.  You will not be put on the spot.  You will not be asked to read out loud or pray out loud unless you want to.  You don’t even have to say anything, just get to know people and when you’re ready open up or share as you feel led.

3. “I’m Afraid”

Even those of you that are outgoing, It’s still hard to get involved with  a group of people when you don’t know everyone.  Perhaps you build up  scenarios that certain things are going to happen.  You might imagine that you would go to the door and then the whole group would be waiting for you, like they’d been talking about you or praying for hours and just couldn’t wait for you to finally get there! And then, when you step in they’ve got this circle of chairs and then in the middle all by itself is your chair! Then, they’re going to make you sit in the middle and then everybody’s going to lay their hands on you and pray for you for four hours until you confess all of your sins!

Who want to go through that!?  And for those of you who think that that’s what happens in our Growth Groups, we don’t do that until the second meeting!  No, not at all.

Then there’s the fear of exposing the real you, to be able to say, “Here’s what’s really going on in my life.” “I’m talking my mask off and need to share what’s breaking my heart.” That’s scary.  It’s hard to let somebody know, “here’s where I struggle, here’s the real me.”

3.  I’ve Had Bad Experiences in the Past”

I’ve been betrayed relationally and hurt by others in the past. I’m sure you have too.  Your response may be like mine,  “I’ll never let that happen again!” I may feel that, but it’s not a healthy response.    It’s like having a bad meal and saying “I’m never going to eat again!”   That doesn’t work when it comes to our needs.  We’ve got to be careful that we don’t let past experiences keep us from God’s best.  Often when we attempt worthwhile endeavors there are obstacles and setbacks.  The first time I tried walking I fell down, the first time I was learning to drive was dangerous to me and others.  Relationships will have their share of misunderstandings, hurts and conflicts, but on the other side of working through those are better things: understanding, communication, comfort, teamwork, satisfaction, fun and  love.

5.  “I’m Busy”

This may be the most common reason used today.  “I can’t go to a Growth Group, I’m already out eight nights a week, I can’t! I’m busy, I’d love to but it’s not on my schedule.”

Some questions I ask myself:  How many things am I not doing that I know I should be doing but don’t do because I’m busy? And how many things are in my schedule that are contributing nothing to my life? Is a chaotic schedule telling me how to live?  Is being busy with good things, keeping me from the best?

Personally the times when I have said, “Today, I don’t have time for this group,”  is the time that I really need it the most.  A word of encouragement, a good laugh, an incredible insight or wise word, a prayer or confession touches me deeply.  In my tendency to be busy, I can actually isolate myself.   Isolation for any  reason is not good.

God says, “It is not good for man to be alone.”  Genesis 2:18.  Not good.  Alone-ness.  This is what God says after creating everything and saying, “good, good, good, good, good and very good!  He see’s man “alone” and says “not good.”   A person or group of people we meet with, talk with, learn with, plan with, serve with, pray with, and grow with removes alone-ness.  And I need that.

How about you?  Are any of these reasons your reasons?  Are there any other reasons you can think of?

Darrell

PS.  In the next post I’ll share some reasons we NEED to be connected.

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

 

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I Resolve To Be Connected With Others

Ridge My New Life ResWould you  like to have life explained to you? I know I would!  Here’s a story called Life Explained, by Dr. John Maxwell.

On the first day God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at every one who comes in and goes out.”
And God said, “For this dog, I’m going to give you a life span of 20 years.”And God said, “For this dog, I’m going to give you a life span of 20 years.”
And the dog said, “That’s too long to do all of that barking. How about I give you ten back and let’s just make it a 10-year life span?” And God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people and do monkey tricks. Make them laugh! And for this I’m going to give you a 20-year life span.”
And the monkey said, “Twenty years is a long time to perform and make people laugh. How about we do like the dog did and I’ll just take 10 years and I’m going to give you ten back?” And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow and said, “You’re going to go into the field with the farmer all day long and your going to suffer under the sun and you’re going to have calves and you’re going to give milk to support the farmers family. And for this, I’m going to give you a life span of 60 years.”
And the cow said, “That’s way too long to do all of that work. How about we make it 20 and I’m going to give you 40 back?” And God agreed.
And then on the next day God created man and said, “Eat, sleep, play, enjoy yourself, and for this, I’m going to give you 20 years.”
And man said, “What? Only 20 years?” he said, “How about this God; could you possibly give me my 20, give me the 40 the cow gave you back, give me the 10 the monkey gave you back, and give me the 10 the dog gave you back, and let’s make it 80!” And God agreed.
So that is why for the first 20 years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves!
And for the next 40 years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren, and for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch and bark at everybody who goes by!

That’s funny, but life has to be more than that!  For me,  there is a word that has enormous meaning to all of life.  Jesus said that you can summarize the entire Bible on this one word. It’s simply the word “Relationships.” Relationships.  Your quality of life is going to be determined by your relationships.  Even heaven is determined on your relationship with God; it’s not what you know, it’s who you know that’s going to determine where you spend eternity!

My relationship decisions are the most important decisions that I will ever make in my entire life.   The one aspect that has had the most influence in where you are right now is the people that have been in your life.  It’s been said that “your net worth is determined by your network.”  Jesus said this in Matthew 18:20. “For where two or three gather together as my followers. I am there among them ‘  Now that’s a network!
Why is Jesus so interested in our relationships? And the answer is very simple; real life change takes place in the context of relationships. Why is Jesus so interested in relationships? Real life change is going to be impacted by the people in your life. And that’s why Jesus said, ‘If you’ll be intentional about your gatherings, I’ll step in the middle of that and do something pretty powerful.’

That’s why I meet with  several groups of believers called Growth Groups.  When we meet, Jesus is there.   Sure, I have a natural desire to want to be independent, not thinking I need others.  But I resolve to be connected this year.
If you’re not involved with a group for encouragement, support and growth you no doubt have reasons why you’re not.  Here’s a verse that I think expresses the downsides of not having good relationships. Ecclesiastes 4:8,

There was a man…  What type of man? …all alone; he had neither son nor brother…

He didn’t have anybody he could relate to.  The result?
…life was so meaningless and depressing…

He was wealthy, but it was not enough. As Americans we are wealthy, but its not enough. This guy obviously tried thinking; “Maybe I’ll work harder, spend more hours at the office, I’ll pick up some hobbies, I’ll try to make more money.” And it didn’t scratch the itch because real-life change takes place in the context of relationships not work.  It’s the most important decision you’ll ever make in your life.  Who will you do life with? You want life explained? It’s our relationships.  

In the next post I’ll examine some of the reasons that I (and maybe you) give for not connecting in relationships with others.

Darrell

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

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3 Keys to Spiritual Growth

Ridge My New Life ResBy Dr. Lewis Alexander

Spiritual transformation does not just happen as we do more or know more. It occurs as we choose intimacy with God, His Word and His People

Then Jesus told them,“You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going.” John 12:35

3 Keys to Spiritual Growth:  How to Walk in the Light in 2015

1.  Relate to the Savior daily

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. “John 8:12

2.  Relate to the Scriptures daily

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105

3.  Relate to the Saints daily

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.” Matthew 5:14

With which of these 3 sources of light could you benefit from experiencing more during this season of life? (Jesus, the Bible, Believers)

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

lewis_alexander_web3Dr. Lewis Alexander is one of the Teaching Pastor’s at the Ridge.  In addition he is the Director of the Center for Relational Leadership and corporate trainer with Intimate Life Ministries,  oversee’s Master of Counseling interns and serves as an adjunct professor at Texas State and Concordia.  Lewis has a bachelors degree in criminal justice, plus masters and doctorate degrees in theology.

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