Upwards Church

Being a human being carries with it certain needs.  We have to face them single or married.   As an adult single, you may be struggling with seeing God’s purpose for singleness. You may have put your life on hold until Mr. Right or Miss Wonderful comes along. You say to yourself, “When I get married I’ll become serious about God,” or, “After I’m married I’ll look for a steady job and get out of debt.” “After marriage I’ll purchase a home.” So you are wandering aimlessly, waiting for something to happen.

There is the need for purpose.  God has a plan for your life and it doesn’t hinge on whether you’re married or not. You must see the importance of formulating a strong life-plan right now. Set realistic and specific personal goals. Some of those goals should be spiritual. It’s wise and necessary to forge ahead with life–to get established in the church and community, to move ahead with a career, to purchase a home. The Bible makes it clear that we are all to be watchful (1 Tim. 4:16), to make good use of our time (Eph. 5:16), to use our gifts for the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31). Seek opportunities for growth and service to Christ. Form and follow a clear and satisfying life-plan.

Another need is companionship or human contact. . Billy Graham once said that loneliness is the greatest problem facing humanity today. Two recent national surveys identified loneliness as the number one issue in singleness. It ranked ahead of managing time, for example, and sexual issues. You may be lonely because you’re in school or have long hours of employment or shyness or the untimely loss of a mate. Face your loneliness and do something about it. Don’t deny those feelings; acknowledge them, and take action.  God has given us the church, a healthy atmosphere where friendships can develop. Look for opportunities to connect with others through a Growth Group.

There is also a need for service, to be needed.  Singleness is not a good reason for inactivity or uninvolvement. As a child of God, you can be actively involved in your church and community. Connect with areas where you can serve–children’s, music, hospitality or teaching.  The Bible places no limits on what you can do in your church or the community.

Companionship, purpose, spirituality, service, and support are common needs. These do not require sex or a spouse.

Marriage was ordained by God starting in Genesis. But does that mean marriage is mandatory for every human being? No. Does that mean marriage is God’s will for everyone? No. To imply that, or to say that singles are incomplete, is to misunderstand the verse and to create guilt and anxiety in those who choose singleness. It also ignores the teachings of Paul and Jesus. (Click here, to see last post for more on this.)

Part of the problem has come from our misinterpretation of several scriptures such as

Genesis 2:18  “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

It was the state of having no other human in his life that was not good. Notice that God did not say that I will make a wife for him, he said I will make a helper suitable to him.

The Hebrew word “ezer” is a helper is never translated wife.

There is a need for help in life. God was not saying it is not good for Adam not to be married. He’s saying, its not good for Adam to not have some help in his life. It just so happened that Adam and Eve became husband and wife in their helping each other. That was a choice that was made for them.  It was also a choice of necessity, because God gave them the commandment to be fruitful and multiply. Well the earth is full and there is no need for every man and every woman to have to go out and multiply themselves

As a single, I shouldn’t confuse needing some help in my life, with needing a husband or a wife.

 You may only need some temporary help.  That is normal and OK.   But a husband or a wife is supposed to become a permanent fixture to your life.

 Darrell

 For more about the series, “Relationships, the Best Mess”  go to www.RidgeFellowship.com

To be single does not mean someone who is searching for a mate.  Single means that you are complete person, separate and distinct, with the ability to function alone.

Even if you are married, you need to know how to be single.   Statistics tell us that during the average person’s life a significant portion of their life will be spent as a single typically the first 25 years of life is spent as a single and perhaps for the last 10-15 of their lives.  Two D’s can quickly to bring you back to the state of being single. The D’s are death or divorce.

 There are several myths about singleness.  Some see the single state as a time to be carefree, wild, on the loose, the time to sow wild oats, and the time to have fun before having to settle down. Some see the single state as something to be avoided and escaped from. “‘Give me a husband or a wife, and give me one now! Any one will do.” Neither of these views are correct about what it is to be single in the eyes of God.

  For centuries, marriage has been lifted up as the state of condition that every man and woman should aspire to, and anyone who does not marry has somehow failed to attain the utmost in life. The word of God teaches directly the opposite!

 Jesus lived the most fulfilled and obedient life that ever was.  Did you know that he was single?  Yes Jesus upheld the institution of marriage, but Jesus had an even higher view of being single.

Jesus was single and encouraged it

Matthew 19:10-12 “The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”  Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word…the one who can accept this should accept it.”

 Paul was single and encouraged it

1 Corinthians 7:1 “It is good for a man not to marry.”

1 Corinthians 7:8 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.”

1 Corinthians 7: 7 “I wish that all men were as I am (single).”

 Singleness is a gift and has many advantages

1 Corinthians 7:32-34 “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs-how he can please the Lord.  But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world-how he can please his wife-and his interests are divided.”

 Paul is saying you are free to get married if you want to, but know this, you will not be as available to serve God as you would if you were single. Marriage hinders spiritual development, because your interests are always divided.

You have someone else who has a claim on your body, on your time, on your behavior, on your interests, on your rest and your relaxation. You’ve got someone that can get on your nerves and you can’t tell them to leave or to get out! (not easily) You’ve got to put up with them. You wanted one, God says okay, now live in the roles that I’ve given you to live in.

 A single person can come in from work, kick off her shoes and say that’s it, Lord it’s just you and me. I’m not going to do anything I don’t want to do. A married woman does not come home and do that especially if there are children around. She may be blessed to just say “Lord help!”

 A lot of people think that if they get married then they really grow and become spiritual.  Listen, marriage will hinder your walk with the Lord. You should never get married to get closer to God, because the Bible says the exact opposite thing is going to happen.

 Marriage in the New Testament is presented as a state for those who are too weak to control their lust and passion.

 “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (I Cor. 7:9) 

In other words “You bunch of wimps, if you lust, then you must marry!”

  The Bible has never said that marriage is the Promised Land. Some have found it to be the greatest wilderness of all. Any person that cannot function as a single, is headed for a disaster in a marriage relationship. One does not get married in order to become mature or whole.

 A pastor was visiting the fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage as part of the lesson. He asked the class, “What does God say about marriage?” Immediately one boy replied, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Marriage has never changed hearts -only Christ does that.  The only thing marriage does by itself, is to give you some legal rights to properties and responsibilities and to give you the spiritual right to engage in sexual intercourse.

 If you cannot be content as a single person in your life, and you think marriage is the only answer to loneliness your marriage will be hell.

 Some will find these words hard to read.   I think they are balanced and need to be thought about. What are your thoughts about being single?

Darrell

For more about the series, “Relationships the Best Mess”  go to www.RidgeFellowship.com

Raise your Kids and Spoil your Grand-kids! If you spoil your kids, you’ll be raising your Grand-kids.

It’s not our job to make our kids HAPPY, It’s our job to make them HIS.

Dad to Son, “When you turn 18, you can go to college.  You can go into the military.  Or you can go to work.  The operative word being, GO!

Two Main Jobs of Parenting:

1.      Teach and Train your kids to leave. 

(Genesis 2:24  they will LEAVE father & mother and be united with their spouse)

2.      Point your kids to God.

(Deuteronomy 6:6-7 Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul … impress this to your children.)

If you brought them in, you have to bring them up. (Ephesians 6:4)

As parents we don’t have all the answers but we can point them to the one who Does (God).

Parents: You can’t be perfect, but you can be present.

Sometimes you have to apply the board of education to the seat of knowledge.   (Proverbs 23:13-14)

Kids are amazingly resilient; they will turn out ok if we avoid the extremes.  (Being overly passive or brutal)

Do you have other quotes or sayings  about parenting that you like?

Darrell

For more about the series, “Relationships the Best Mess” go to www.RidgeFellowship.com

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter and jelly on your coffee table. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs (or you may substitute roofing tacks).
Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a
child at night.

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or
damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag
making sure that all the arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from
the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls
of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an
airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of
sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum
with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for
10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever
heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a. m.
Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 4
years. Look cheerful.

AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a mini van. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone
and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

FINANCIAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drugstore. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the
clerk to help himself. Now proceed to Walmart.  Go to the
head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to
the store.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers!

For more about Relationships the Best Mess go to www.RidgeFellowship.com