Upwards Church

We will never accomplish all that God has for us by ourselves.  We need others.

⁹ Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. ¹⁰ If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT)

What are the characteristics of a real friend?

1.     A real friend is loyal

   ¹⁷ A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17 (NLT)

A genuine friend is in your corner when you’re cornered.

A real friend sees you through when everybody else sees you’re through.

A real friend walks in when everybody else walks out.

Real friends are like toothpaste — they come through in a tight squeeze, when the pressure’s on.

A real friend takes sides.  They stick with you even when it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, when it costs personally, even when you don’t deserve it.

Want to see what kind of friend you have, let some trouble or conflict come into your life and see what they do?  If they only care about your when there is fun or when you can give them something, they are loyal not to you.  What about when you don’t have anything to give?

2.     A real friend is honest

 ⁹ The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Proverbs 27:9 (NLT)

A friend is somebody who will say something to you and, even though it hurts, it’s the truth and they do it because they love you.  They care enough to correct.  A true friend will level with you.  They will shoot straight with you.  They are open and honest.  If you ask them to tell you the truth, they’ll give it to you.  They’ll give you the facts even when it’s painful.

Everybody has blind spots.  All of us need somebody who cares enough to say “There is something you are not seeing” Some people say, “I know they’re my friend and I know they’re making a big mistake, but it’s none of my business.”  Friends make it their business.

Some fear telling people the truth. They would rather just say things that make others happy.

If you are aware and you care you will share.  Friends make it their business to be caring and say, “You’re making a mistake.”

3.     A real friend helps me grow

 ¹⁷ As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend. Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)

Even in their honesty, a real friend’s purpose is to make you better.  That’s why they care enough to say something.  If a friend has proven they are loyal, and honest, they will also help to grow.

A real friend stimulates you to be better.  They bring out the best in you.  They will encourage you.  They lift you up.  They motivate you.  You don’t need any friends who are constantly negative, constantly putting you or others down or being critical.  What you need is somebody who’ll say “You can do it!  Make the effort!” “I believe in you.”  You need somebody who will build you up.

The best friend you’ll ever have

No one has ever followed all of these principles from the Bible, better than Jesus!  If you haven’t met Him yet, I hope you will receive Him as your friend today.

First, Jesus deserves to be your best friend because He already knows you better than anyone else. One definition of a friend is, someone who knows all about us and likes us anyway. Well, no one better fulfills that qualification as Jesus.

Secondly, Jesus deserves to be your best friend because He had done more for you than anyone else. (John 15:13) “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” 

Third, Jesus deserves to be your best friend because; He will always be there when you need Him. (Matt. 28:18)  “I will be with you always even until the end”

What other qualities do you think make a real friend?

Darrell

For more about the series, “Relationships, the Best Mess”  go to www.RidgeFellowship.com

Being a human being carries with it certain needs.  We have to face them single or married.   As an adult single, you may be struggling with seeing God’s purpose for singleness. You may have put your life on hold until Mr. Right or Miss Wonderful comes along. You say to yourself, “When I get married I’ll become serious about God,” or, “After I’m married I’ll look for a steady job and get out of debt.” “After marriage I’ll purchase a home.” So you are wandering aimlessly, waiting for something to happen.

There is the need for purpose.  God has a plan for your life and it doesn’t hinge on whether you’re married or not. You must see the importance of formulating a strong life-plan right now. Set realistic and specific personal goals. Some of those goals should be spiritual. It’s wise and necessary to forge ahead with life–to get established in the church and community, to move ahead with a career, to purchase a home. The Bible makes it clear that we are all to be watchful (1 Tim. 4:16), to make good use of our time (Eph. 5:16), to use our gifts for the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31). Seek opportunities for growth and service to Christ. Form and follow a clear and satisfying life-plan.

Another need is companionship or human contact. . Billy Graham once said that loneliness is the greatest problem facing humanity today. Two recent national surveys identified loneliness as the number one issue in singleness. It ranked ahead of managing time, for example, and sexual issues. You may be lonely because you’re in school or have long hours of employment or shyness or the untimely loss of a mate. Face your loneliness and do something about it. Don’t deny those feelings; acknowledge them, and take action.  God has given us the church, a healthy atmosphere where friendships can develop. Look for opportunities to connect with others through a Growth Group.

There is also a need for service, to be needed.  Singleness is not a good reason for inactivity or uninvolvement. As a child of God, you can be actively involved in your church and community. Connect with areas where you can serve–children’s, music, hospitality or teaching.  The Bible places no limits on what you can do in your church or the community.

Companionship, purpose, spirituality, service, and support are common needs. These do not require sex or a spouse.

Marriage was ordained by God starting in Genesis. But does that mean marriage is mandatory for every human being? No. Does that mean marriage is God’s will for everyone? No. To imply that, or to say that singles are incomplete, is to misunderstand the verse and to create guilt and anxiety in those who choose singleness. It also ignores the teachings of Paul and Jesus. (Click here, to see last post for more on this.)

Part of the problem has come from our misinterpretation of several scriptures such as

Genesis 2:18  “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

It was the state of having no other human in his life that was not good. Notice that God did not say that I will make a wife for him, he said I will make a helper suitable to him.

The Hebrew word “ezer” is a helper is never translated wife.

There is a need for help in life. God was not saying it is not good for Adam not to be married. He’s saying, its not good for Adam to not have some help in his life. It just so happened that Adam and Eve became husband and wife in their helping each other. That was a choice that was made for them.  It was also a choice of necessity, because God gave them the commandment to be fruitful and multiply. Well the earth is full and there is no need for every man and every woman to have to go out and multiply themselves

As a single, I shouldn’t confuse needing some help in my life, with needing a husband or a wife.

 You may only need some temporary help.  That is normal and OK.   But a husband or a wife is supposed to become a permanent fixture to your life.

 Darrell

 For more about the series, “Relationships, the Best Mess”  go to www.RidgeFellowship.com

To be single does not mean someone who is searching for a mate.  Single means that you are complete person, separate and distinct, with the ability to function alone.

Even if you are married, you need to know how to be single.   Statistics tell us that during the average person’s life a significant portion of their life will be spent as a single typically the first 25 years of life is spent as a single and perhaps for the last 10-15 of their lives.  Two D’s can quickly to bring you back to the state of being single. The D’s are death or divorce.

 There are several myths about singleness.  Some see the single state as a time to be carefree, wild, on the loose, the time to sow wild oats, and the time to have fun before having to settle down. Some see the single state as something to be avoided and escaped from. “‘Give me a husband or a wife, and give me one now! Any one will do.” Neither of these views are correct about what it is to be single in the eyes of God.

  For centuries, marriage has been lifted up as the state of condition that every man and woman should aspire to, and anyone who does not marry has somehow failed to attain the utmost in life. The word of God teaches directly the opposite!

 Jesus lived the most fulfilled and obedient life that ever was.  Did you know that he was single?  Yes Jesus upheld the institution of marriage, but Jesus had an even higher view of being single.

Jesus was single and encouraged it

Matthew 19:10-12 “The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”  Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word…the one who can accept this should accept it.”

 Paul was single and encouraged it

1 Corinthians 7:1 “It is good for a man not to marry.”

1 Corinthians 7:8 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.”

1 Corinthians 7: 7 “I wish that all men were as I am (single).”

 Singleness is a gift and has many advantages

1 Corinthians 7:32-34 “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs-how he can please the Lord.  But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world-how he can please his wife-and his interests are divided.”

 Paul is saying you are free to get married if you want to, but know this, you will not be as available to serve God as you would if you were single. Marriage hinders spiritual development, because your interests are always divided.

You have someone else who has a claim on your body, on your time, on your behavior, on your interests, on your rest and your relaxation. You’ve got someone that can get on your nerves and you can’t tell them to leave or to get out! (not easily) You’ve got to put up with them. You wanted one, God says okay, now live in the roles that I’ve given you to live in.

 A single person can come in from work, kick off her shoes and say that’s it, Lord it’s just you and me. I’m not going to do anything I don’t want to do. A married woman does not come home and do that especially if there are children around. She may be blessed to just say “Lord help!”

 A lot of people think that if they get married then they really grow and become spiritual.  Listen, marriage will hinder your walk with the Lord. You should never get married to get closer to God, because the Bible says the exact opposite thing is going to happen.

 Marriage in the New Testament is presented as a state for those who are too weak to control their lust and passion.

 “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (I Cor. 7:9) 

In other words “You bunch of wimps, if you lust, then you must marry!”

  The Bible has never said that marriage is the Promised Land. Some have found it to be the greatest wilderness of all. Any person that cannot function as a single, is headed for a disaster in a marriage relationship. One does not get married in order to become mature or whole.

 A pastor was visiting the fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage as part of the lesson. He asked the class, “What does God say about marriage?” Immediately one boy replied, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Marriage has never changed hearts -only Christ does that.  The only thing marriage does by itself, is to give you some legal rights to properties and responsibilities and to give you the spiritual right to engage in sexual intercourse.

 If you cannot be content as a single person in your life, and you think marriage is the only answer to loneliness your marriage will be hell.

 Some will find these words hard to read.   I think they are balanced and need to be thought about. What are your thoughts about being single?

Darrell

For more about the series, “Relationships the Best Mess”  go to www.RidgeFellowship.com