Upwards Church

What does the Bible say about masturbation?  The answer is, it doesn’t say anything.

The Bible is strangely silent on this subject.  The Bible is not shy at all when it comes to sexual issues, so, it is a bit strange that the Bible addresses all of these other sexual things and not masturbation.   That being said we must be very careful not to be dogmatic about something the bible does not address directly.

If you are a parent and are wondering how you should deal with this subject with your children, I personally think the book by Dr James Dobson, “Bringing Up Boys” has a great chapter.   He basically says not to make the subject of masturbation too big a deal.  There are issues the bible does speak directly to and we will examine those in a moment.

Since the Bible never speaks directly to this topic we will use some principles to apply to this subject.

Some who are hard core against masturbation could use a verse like, Genesis3:3.  You must not touch it or you will die!    Definitely a verse used out of context, I am only joking.  These types have also said, “Masturbation will cause you to go blind.” All joking aside they have used another verse out of context from Genesis 38. A guy named Onan spilled his seed (sperm) on the ground and God brought a severe judgment on the guy.  They will use this verse to say masturbation is definitely wrong.  But truthfully, this verse is not addressing masturbation.  In the context of this verse, Onan was supposed to take his deceased brother’s wife as his own and produce children that get his brother’s inheritance.   This was the law and Israel’s custom.  He deliberately disobeyed the Old Testament Law  and God was not happy about that.

Those that really don’t think masturbation is a sin, will quote Ecclesiastes 9:10,

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might! 

All joking aside, let’s look at some principles more seriously.

Some principles that apply; Ephesians chapter5:3, the Bible says:

…among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity.

From my perspective, it’s hard to see this act without a hint of sexual impurity, because even if you argue that the act is not a sin, sometimes what leads up to it is often unquestionably sinful.  Masturbation accompanied by pornography or lustful thoughts is  wrong.   From my perspective, it’s hard to see this act as not having at least a hint of immorality.

1 Corinthians 10:31 says: So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 

Truthfully, it’s hard for me to see masturbation for the glory of God.  Sexual pleasure between a husband and a wife is glorifying to God (just read Song of Solomon!)  Self pleasure, not so much.

Something else related, if we are trying to live Christ-like, and would ask the great question,  “What Would Jesus Do?”  Do you think Jesus would do this?  Personally, I don’t think so.

If we take a step back from this very challenging subject, let me give you three bigger-picture thoughts that I think are really important.  The first thing is:

1. The battle for purity starts with the eyes and with the mind.  I like what Job said in Chapter 31:1, he said:

I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.

Before a physical act, there is usually a look or a thought and so we make a covenant, I will not look lustfully at another person.

Paul told the Corinthians,   We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  2 Corinthians 10:5

If there’s a runaway sinful, lustful thought; we grab it, we replace it with the Word of God, with something excellent, lovely, pure, or admirable.   We think about things that would glorify God.  The battle for purity starts with the eyes and the mind.

2.  Do your best to remove sinful temptations.   Jesus taught this very clearly in Matthew 5:28-30, He said:

If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.  .  .  And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.

Applying this verse to masturbation, if this is a problem for you , next week there should be a lot of one-arm cyclops!  Jesus was not being literal, He was basically saying that if there is something that is going to because you to fall into temptation avoid it at all cost.  If going to the gym, you end up lusting all of the time, work out at home!  If your cable TV is causing you to lust and you are surfing all of the time, cut your cable TV.   You can’t get on the internet without being drawn into looking at pornography, get filters or blocks, have a shared computer in open site,  whatever you need to do to remove the temptation that would lead you into sin, do it!

3.  There is a state of purity that many people do not believe is possible.  Let’s be honest, we are bombarded with lustful images everywhere in our culture.  Some will cry, “but everyone else is doing it.”  But if you will take every thought captive, if you will let God’s Word renew your mind, if you will consistently train your eyes not to look at certain places, and train your mind to not go in certain places, overtime, God can renew your mind and your heart to a state of purity that many people do not even believe is possible.  By the way, “everybody is not doing it,” that’s a lie. The power of God can do more to purify you overtime if you’ll truly surrender to Him.

If masterbation is a form of comfort or release, then it becomes a false god in our lives.  God is “the God of all comfort.” I Corinthians 1:3.

If you do compromise sexually in anyway, you’re not broken, you’re human.  Maybe you lose your virginity say, “Oh, I did that, I might as well just be immoral!”  No.  If you sin sexually and you think, “Well I did this, well now I might as well keep on going.”  No, don’t destroy yourself because you fell into sexual temptation.  You’re not broken, just human.  It is forgivable. If you messed up, do not surrender in the battle for purity, keep on fighting!  Just because the world is impure, doesn’t mean that the people of God have to be.  There is a state of purity greater than you could ever imagine.  I believe it’s worth fighting for.

Darrell

Upwards.Church

What does the Bible say about breast implants? There is only one verse, it’s found in Genesis 18:13, the Bible says:

Sarah departed for a season of time and upon her return, Abraham had found that what once had been as apples was now as melons. Genesis 18:13 NDKV

And the guys said, “Amen!”   If you’re not laughing, it means you need to read your Bible more! This is not a real verse, the NDKV stands for the New Darrell Koop Version!  This verse is just made up.

What does the Bible really say about breast implants? It does not say anything, because that obviously was not a surgery at the time the Bible was written. This is a sensitive subject, because some of you have had this surgery and others know someone who has.  Let’s broaden this from breast implants to any type of body-altering surgery such as hair implants, a nose job, liposuction, face lift, but lift, lip enlargement or Botox.

In Christian circles, there are two extremes. There are those who say any kind of body-altering is wrong. If you think that, you better not get braces and you better not get your ear pierced.  On the other hand, there are people who say, “As long as it’s safe, you might as well do it and just do it freely!” That’s not right either. So what I will do is I will give you my opinion on why I believe it would right at times and wrong at others.

When would body-altering surgery be wrong? I’ll give you two times in my opinion. One is when you are trying to find your security in your appearance, rather than in who you are in Christ. If you feel like you have to have something different to be special, to feel beautiful, to feel of worth; then I feel that you really need to get to know who you are in Christ, because it’s who you are on the inside that matters infinitely more than what you look on the outside.

Secondly, I feel this surgery is not appropriate if you are using your body to attract inappropriate attention.   If you got that surgery and everywhere you go, you are showing them to everybody. Biblically that is wrong. If it’s between you and your husband enjoy all you want, but cover them up in public. The Bible speaks about dressing modestly.  Cover yourself up, don’t cause others to lust or stumble, honor the temple of the Holy Spirit by covering it.  This is a Biblical principle and it’s one that many people need to hear and to live.

Proverbs 31:30 says:  Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Rather than a woman who has had $30,000 worth of surgery, a woman who truly fears and is in love with her Savior; that is a woman of value, one who knows Christ, that is a truly beautiful woman.

When would body-altering surgery be right? I would say if you are doing some kind of restoration unquestionably, a burn victim, someone with a deformity.  This is where I would include braces.  Perhaps you need to have something done for medical reasons, a reduction because your back hurts, for a mastectomy or if you make a prayerful decision with those around you. My stance is that God is going to look at the motive. The LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. 1 Chronicles 28:9

It is not wrong to try to present yourself in the best light, but if you are trying to find yourself worth and your security in your appearance, then you that you are fighting a losing battle. Gravity and time will always win no matter what you do.

http://www.Upwards.Church

A very important question because this is becoming a very common issue and decision that people are making. In fact, according to a USA Today article, in this decade, over two thirds of the people who get married will have lived together first. So, more than half of the people who get married in this decade will have already lived together. So, let’s try to answer this, what is the Biblical perspective?

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

The covenant of marriage…it should be honored by whom? “by all”  If you are married, you honor the covenant of marriage. If you are not married, you still honor the covenant of marriage and the the marriage bed the Bible says, should be kept pure.

Most people would say today, marriage is just a piece of paper. To think that is to grossly misunderstand and misrepresent what marriage really is.  So many people think it’s a contract. A contract is simply something to protect me from you and you from me. Marriage though, is not a contract. It is a covenant before a Holy God.  You  stand before God and create a covenant which is a binding agreement in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, till death do us part.  When we ignore this covenant and do things our way, it leads to big problems.  Below is from a blog post I have done before that explains some of the dangers of living together before you get married.

Various studies have shown something called “The Cohabitation Effect.” This includes:

• More negative communication in marriage
• Lower levels of marital satisfaction
• Higher marital instability
• Lower levels of male commitment to spouse
• Greater likelihood of divorce

Cohabitation – the studies

There have actually been numerous studies that have examined whether living together before marriage is a good idea. The data shows that people who have multiple cohabiting relationships before marriage are more likely to experience more negative communication in marriage,¹ lower levels of marital satisfaction,² the erosion over time of the perceived value of marriage,³ higher perceived marital instability,⁴ lower levels of male commitment to spouse,⁵ and greater likelihood of divorce⁶ than people who do not cohabit before marriage. Although some of these effects might be due to the characteristics of people who cohabit (e.g., they tend to move from one relationship to another), recent studies suggest that selection is not involved,⁷ but that the cohabitation experience itself contributes to problems in marriage.

The reason why cohabitation may setup couples for failure in marriage is because cohabitation is just a test. Since all couples suffer from some incompatibility, when the other partner “fails” the test, the person moves on to the next partner. A succession of cohabitation failures results in an inability to maintain commitment – the most important part of a marriage relationship. Recent research shows that most couples who cohabit do not do so as a trial marriage, but just slide into it without any particular intent.⁸

Abuse and Murder

A nation-wide study of over 400,000 homicides committed between 1976 and 1994 calculated the rate of murders of women by her romantic partner.⁹ It was found that the incidence of was nine times higher in women who cohabited with men than those who were married.

There are a number of factors that predict success or failure in marriage. When considering a potential marriage partner, these factors greatly impact the average success rate for marriage (although there will obviously be exceptions to the trends). Some of these factors predict a more than twice the likelihood of divorce.

Divorce

According to a new research study, living together before marriage increases the chance of divorce. Cohabitation is a positive factor for divorce, which sounds good, but actually means that couples who live together are more likely to split up after marriage.

This information is based upon a 5-year study by Scott Stanley, a psychologist at the University of Denver. Stanley has been interested in the subject of cohabitation for the past 15 years, after he read a 1995 report on the subject.

In the control group who did not live together, only 10 percent had brought up divorce. This means that twice as many people who cohabitated had wanted a divorce enough to tell their partner. Dr. Stanley concludes that many people, who lived together, are less dedicated to making the marriage succeed than those who never had the same premarital address.

These studies are a great reminder that God’s way is the best way.   It’s better to marry, as the God’s word says, than to live together.

If you did live together before getting married, just confess it to God.   “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”   1 John 1:9-10 (NIV)   Forgiveness, purity and peace come from confession.

Darrell

For more on the series, Things that make you go Hmm, go to www.ridgefellowship.com

1. Cohan, C.L. and S. Kleinbaum. 2004. Toward a Greater Understanding of the Cohabitation Effect: Premarital Cohabitation and Marital Communication. Journal of Marriage and Family 64: 180-192.

   Kline, G. H., Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J., Olmos-Gallo, P. A., St. Peters, M., Whitton, S. W., & Prado, L. M. 2004. Timing is everything: Pre-engagement cohabitation and increased risk for poor marital outcomes. Journal of Family Psychology 18: 311-318.

   Stanley, S. M., Whitton, S. W., S Markman, H. J. 2004. Maybe I do: Interpersonal commitment and premarital or nonmarital cohabitation. Journal of Family Issues 25: 490-519.

   Thomson, E. and U. Colella. 1992. Cohabitation and marital stability: Quality or commitment? Journal of Marriage and the Family 54: 259-267.

2. Nock, S.L. 1995. A Comparison of Marriages and Cohabiting Relationships.  Journal of Family Issues 16: 53-76.

   Stafford, L., Kline, S.L, & Rankin, C.T. 2004. Married Individuals, Cohabiters, and Cohabiters Who Marry: A Longitudinal Study of Relational and Individual Well-Being. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 21: 231-248.

   Stanley, S. M., Whitton, S. W., S Markman, H. J. 2004. Maybe I do: Interpersonal commitment and premarital or nonmarital cohabitation. Journal of Family Issues 25: 490-519.

3. Axinn, W. G. and J. S. Barber. 1997. Living Arrangements and Family Formation Attitudes in Early Adulthood. Journal of Marriage and the Family 59:595-611.

   Axinn, W., and A. Thornton. 1992. The Relationship between Cohabitation and Divorce: Selectivity or Causal Influence? Demography 29: 357-374.

4. Kamp Dush, C. M., Cohan, C. L., and Amato, P. R. 2003. The relationship between cohabitation and marital quality and stability: Changes across cohorts? Journal of Marriage and Family 65: 539-549.

   Stafford, L., Kline, S.L, & Rankin, C.T. 2004. Married Individuals, Cohabiters, and Cohabiters Who Marry: A Longitudinal Study of Relational and Individual Well-Being. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 21: 231-248.

   Thomson, E. and U. Colella. 1992. Cohabitation and marital stability: Quality or commitment? Journal of Marriage and the Family 54: 259-267.

5. Rhoades, G. K., Petrella, J. N., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. 2006. Premarital cohabitation, husbands’ commitment, and wives’ satisfaction with the division of household contributions. Marriage and Family Review 40: 5–22.

6. DeMaris, A., Rao, K. V. 1992. Premarital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Stability in the United States: A Reassessment. Journal of Marriage and the Family 54: 178-190.

   Kamp Dush, C. M., Cohan, C. L., & Amato, P. R. 2003. The relationship between cohabitation and marital quality and stability: Changes across cohorts? Journal of Marriage and Family, 65, 539-549.

   Phillips, J. A. and M. M. Sweeney. 2005. Premarital Cohabitation and the Risk of Marital Disruption among White, Black, and Mexican American Women. Journal of Marriage and Family 67:296-314.

   J. Teachman.  2003.  Premarital Sex, Premarital Cohabitation, and the Risk of Subsequent Marital Dissolution Among Women. Journal of Marriage and Family 65: 444-455.

   Stanley, S. M., Amato, P. R., Johnson, C. A., & Markman, H. J. 2006. Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability: Findings from a large, random, household survey. Journal of Family Psychology 20: 117-126.

   Paik, A. 2011. Adolescent Sexuality and the Risk of Marital Dissolution. Journal of Marriage and Family 73: 472 DOI: 10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00819.x.

7. Cohan, C.L. and S. Kleinbaum. 2004. Toward a Greater Understanding of the Cohabitation Effect: Premarital Cohabitation and Marital Communication. Journal of Marriage and Family 64: 180-192.

   Kamp Dush, C. M., Cohan, C. L., and Amato, P. R. 2003. The relationship between cohabitation and marital quality and stability: Changes across cohorts? Journal of Marriage and Family 65: 539-549.

   Kline, G. H., Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J., Olmos-Gallo, P. A., St Peters, M., Whitton, S. W., S Prado, L. 2004. Timing is everything: Pre-engagement cohabitation and increased risk for poor marital outcomes. Journal of Family Psychology 18: 311-318.

   Stanley, S. M., Whitton, S. W., S Markman, H. J. 2004. Maybe I do: Interpersonal commitment and premarital or nonmarital cohabitation. Journal of Family Issues 25: 490-519.

   Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J. 2000. Pre-engagement cohabitation and gender asymmetry in marital commitment. Journal of Family Psychology 20: 553-500.

8. Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., S Markman, H. J. 2009. Couples’ reasons for cohabitation: Associations with individual well-being and relationship quality. Journal of Family Issues 30: 233-258.

   Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K, & Markman, H. J. (2006). Sliding vs. Deciding: Inertia and the premarital cohabitation effect. Family Relations 55: 499-509.

9. Todd K. Shackelford. 2001. Cohabitation, Marriage, and Murder: Woman-Killing by Male Romantic Partners Aggr. Behav. 27:284–291.

This is a good question and a really important one. I just want to start by acknowledging that there are so many painful things in life.  If you are going through something bad, I am so sorry.  What I will try to do is answer this as best as I can, but let me just admit upfront, that what I’m going to write will not be the perfect answer, nor will it be the complete answer, because I am not God. He is the only one who can answer this in a complete way. So what I say may not make you feel better about what you are going through, but I do believe what I say to be true, and yet not complete in its entirety, as God could answer.

There are several views, some people say, ‘Well I don’t believe in God and so who determines what’s bad and what’s not bad. Bad things just happen.’ That’s one view. Some people say, ‘Well there’s karma. You do good things, you get good things back. You do bad things, you get bad things. So, obviously if there are bad things happening to you, you did bad things.’  Let me give you the biblical perspective, at least as I see it.

The reason that this is such a big problem is because I would argue that there is a lot of unintentional false advertising when it comes to being a Christ follower. Let me explain.

There are many churches, Christian radio stations and Christian organizations that are great, but have saying or slogan that says something like, ‘Life is better with God’. This is true if you define “better” the right way. The problem is that so many people today define “better” as “I’ll never get cancer, I will always get the promotion, and nothing bad will ever happen to my kids.” That is simply not true at all. In fact, Jesus said in John 16:33,

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

There is no promise that if you do life with God, it’s always going to be trouble free, and it’s always going to be better. If you believe that, you are going to have a problem when you talk to Job, who was blameless and upright in every way, and yet lost everything that mattered to him for a season in his life. You are going to have a problem with John the Baptist, who prepared the way for Jesus, and yet, was beheaded in prison while Christ was nearby and did nothing about it. You are going to have a problem with Paul who was as faithful as anybody in Scripture and yet was beaten and stoned and left for dead over and over again. And you are going to have a problem with Christ who did nothing wrong and suffered for our sins. Life is not always better with God if you define better as problem free. So let me give you the biblical perspective of why bad things happen. There are five major reasons.

1.  The first reason is because our world is corrupted by sin. It’s called “The Fall” and you can read about it in Genesis chapter 3.  This world is not what it was in the Garden before sin. We are under the curse of sin in this world, therefore sinful things happen.

2. There are times when God may be testing us. God may allow or cause challenging things to happen in your life because the testing develops perseverance, develops character, and develops your faith (Romans 5:3-4)

3. There would be times when our spiritual enemy, Satan, is attacking. If you are a Christian, you have an enemy. His mission is to steal, kill and destroy anything that matters to the heart of God. We are in a spiritual war and there is an enemy on the attack. (Read John 10:10 and Ephesians 6:10-13)

4.  There is also “free will.” For us to truly love God, we cannot be robots programed to love. We have to have the free will to choose to love or choose to reject God. Because of free will, there’s the possibility of us doing good, there is also the possibility of us doing evil. Without free will, there is no love, but with free will comes the possibility of doing things wrong. God constantly asks his people to choose correctly (see Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

5.  Lastly the foundational problem with this question is, the question is flawed. Why do bad things happen to good people?

And the answer is bad things do not happen to good people, because in reality none of us are good. Many of you are going to fight back right now and say, ‘No, but they’re good people, I’m a good person.’ In the eyes of God, none of us are good people and we have to understand that. Our heart is deceitful above all things. We are flawed, we are sinful. In the eyes of God, our best attempt at righteousness is as filthy rags. We are not good people. Bad things do not happen to good people, bad things happen to bad and sinful people. Still, many of you are going to fight against this and you’ll be tempted to say, but God is not fair. And I’m going to say, absolutely He’s not always fair. He is always good, but He is not always fair. He is always good and you must start with the goodness of God, not the goodness of man, because man is sinful, God is good.

When you start with the goodness of God, then you will thank Him that He is not always fair. Because of instead of asking why do bad things happen to good people, you’ll ask the better question, which is, why do good things happen to bad people? That is the essence of the Gospel. God is always good, He is always just, but He is not always fair. If He were fair, He would give us what our sins deserve. If you are a Christ follower, you do not get what your sins deserve, you get eternal life through Christ.

Psalm 103:10-12 shows how God is not always fair. The Bible says:

God does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. He is good, but not always fair. For as high as the Heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

If you want to say, ‘Well, bad things should only happen to bad people,’ Jesus is the perfect example of the best person who ever lived, and yet the worst thing happened to Him. Why? So that the best thing that could ever happen would happen to us, the worst people who have ever lived. Our sins could be forgiven and we could spend eternity in Heaven with God, something we do not deserve and could never ever earn.

If you are facing tragedy right now, and you do not see the goodness of God, let me just say this. The goodness of God is not as easy to see when times are going the way you want. The goodness of God is always most evident when tragedy strikes. If you are hurting right now and do not see the goodness of God, it could be because you do not truly know God. It’s in tragedy and human suffering that the presence of God becomes most real. If you are hurting and don’t understand, or not experiencing His goodness, it could be because you don’t know Him. You don’t have to understand everything that happens on earth and you never will. But His presence is with you and will comfort you in ways that only He could do. If you don’t know His goodness, it’s probably because you don’t know Him.

Could I pray for you?  God I pray right now for the person who is hurting. For the person who is deeply grieving, God I pray that your presence, your goodness, would be evident in the middle of their human suffering.

And God for the person who may not know you, I pray that you would use this day to draw them into a relationship with you, that they would truly know your goodness.  In Jesus name I pray.

Darrell

For more about the series, “Things that Make You Go Hmm”  go to www.RidgeFellowship.com