Upwards Church

Been angry lately?  I get angry often.  I’ve learned that it’s not wrong to get angry.  God gets angry.  Over 300 times in the Old Testament it says God got angry.  Jesus got angry.  Some commentators call it “righteous indignation.”  Come on, He got ticked off, He was angry.    To be angry is to have a pulse.  It shows you care about yourself, something or somebody.   Some things you ought to get angry about. 

When it comes to dealing with anger you probably are one of three types.  Some of you know I that like reptiles so I will use them as our examples:

1. Some of you are Alligators.  You stand your ground, showing your teeth. With an alligator, you know exactly where they stand.  They let you know. 
2. Some of you are Tortoises.  When conflict comes you pull back into your shell.  Turn in to yourself.  You withdraw.  You become distant.   
3. Some of you are Snakes.  You lie in wait with venom stored up for the right time to bite.  Snakes are the passive aggressive types and you may not see it coming. They’re slippery and hard to pin down because they don’t like to admit that what they’re doing is being angry.

Which are you?  I naturally am a tortoise, but with God’s help I am learning to come out of my shell! It’s not how you get angry it’s what you do with your anger that makes it a problem.  Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin” Anger comes and goes.  What we do with it, that’s our choice. 

To avoid an Anger MESS I suggest,

M – Make Sense of My Anger.   It helps me to understand the root.  At its core anger is one of three primary emotions:  hurt, fear or frustration.   If you are angry about in the slow checkout line at HEB, that is frustration.  If someone breaks up with you, that is hurt.  If you lose your job, you may experience all three!    For instance if I find myself angry about traffic and I am running late, I am frustrated.  Then I can be frustrated at myself for not leaving early enough.   If I am angry about something someone said, it’s healthiest for me not to ignore it but to admit that it hurt.  I find the words of Proverbs 14: 29 so true.  

E – Express Anger Appropriately.   Have you ever lost your temper and did something you regret?  We all have story like Proverbs 14:17 “A quick-tempered man does foolish things.”  I knew a guy in college who punched a wall and broke his hand.  Someone else I knew who kicked a wall and broke his foot.  Is it wrong to punch things? Not necessarily, but get a punching bag so don’t hurt yourself or someone else.   We say things like, “I just can’t control my anger” but in the middle of an angry argument with our spouse the phone will ring, “Hello, it’s for you dear.”  What happened? We controlled our anger because we chose too.   We can learn to think before speaking, we can learn to cool off before acting.  The next step will helps us do this.

S – Seek God’s Wisdom.  James 1:5  We can ask God to guide us in how to act even when angry.   We may need to confess if we were wrong -James   5:16. Many times we should act upon our anger but with God’s direction.   At times we should confront and the bible tells us how and when.  Matthew 18:15–17.   For alligators, confrontation can happen without someone losing a limb!  God can give you grace and love.  For turtles, confrontation is traumatizing but God can provide strength. 

S – Seek to Understand Others.  This step doesn’t come naturally which is why I listed it last. Let’s take driving.  It brings out the anger in me quickly. Like Chuck Swindoll said, “the right foot may be the last part of the body to get saved.”  Well at least for me!   My son could relate to the little boy whose mom asked him, how did the ride to the store go? “Great we saw 4 idiots, 2 maniacs and 3 knot heads!”   I am slowly learning that:  “Drivers are idiots.  I am a driver.  Therefore I am an idiot.”  I have to remind myself that am not the only one in a hurry.  When I’m in a hurry I can bet than someone in front of me won’t be.  And when I am NOT in a hurry there will be someone behind me that is.  Seek to understand others.   Philippians 2:4 says it best.

 Messed up too, but depending on Christ,   Darrell

For more about the series,’ The Mess Inside” see, www.ridgefellowship.com

Now, let’s examine how pride destroys my relationship with others. 

What causes problems between Niki and me in a hurry? Pride will.  If I have the attitude, “I made dinner last time, it’s your turn! Look at what I do around here.  I don’t want to help you.  I have more important things to do than to spend time with you.”  Ouch, pride!  

Pride also hurts my three children when I say, “Daddy can’t play with you because I have work to do, I can’t read you a book, I’m too busy, I don’t have time to listen to you” How sad.  How many times in my own life have I been too prideful to serve Niki, too prideful to help the kids with their homework and I miss opportunities to serve? Too many!   I miss opportunities for humility and to show the authentic message of Jesus Christ to those I love the most.  Are you willing to serve your spouse and your children?

Pride hinders reconciliation (being right between others).   When someone hurts me and I say, “That person needs to make this right!”  That’s pride.  Humility will reach out to others.  Humility makes for better relationships.   Humility means you don’t have to be right all the time.  And it’s easier for you to say those two hard words, “I’m sorry” or the three hardest words, “I was wrong”   How is your pride?  Do you ever admit you are wrong?

Another way to mess up your relationships with pride is through manipulation.  For example, a prideful parent will use their children to elevate themselves.  They will be so hard and so strict on their children to make them produce athletically or academically.  Parents say “it’s for my child” but it’s really pride.  “I will look good if my child is the star!”  Other times we are nice to people, strike up a conversation JUST for what they can do for us!  “I don’t like that person but if I’m nice to them then they can help me out,” that’s manipulation and pride.    Am I manipulative?  Do I treat people differently because of what they can give me?   

Pride also tells us that we are smarter than our boss and we don’t have to listen to him or her.  Pride says, “I am above the law.”  Pride says, “Rebel!” Don’ listen to authority.  It goes against the grain of everything God says.  The same is true in church; some people think they know more than the leadership or have a direct line from God so always complain or criticize.    That is pride at work. 

⁵ In the same way, you younger men must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, serve each other in humility, for “God opposes the proud but favors the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5  

Is your pride in check?   It is if you can answer yes to the following questions:  Am I respectful of others?  Do I respect authority? 

Pride also tries to impress people.  Seeking to impress with our education, with our accomplishments, or with our possessions is prideful.    Do I talk about myself too much?  Do I try to impress others?

This is something I see often, people will say, “I am struggling with pornography or some other addictive behavior” But are they willing to be accountable to someone?  To move the computer into the family room to set up filters, to let others keep them accountable, wives, friends, a  Growth Group?  NO.  They try to go it alone.  Please don’t let your life self-destruct before you ask for some help.  Don’t mess up your marriage and your family because you are stubborn and prideful.

How is my pride?  Am I willing to admit that I don’t have all the answers?  I am willing to be uncomfortable to grow?  Am I willing to be accountable?  Am I willing to learn from others?   These are haunting questions that I don’t like but must ask myself.

Do you like to be around a prideful person?  I don’t!  They’re draining!   Prideful people don’t recognize that they are driving people away from them.  Wouldn’t you rather be around a humble person?  A person who isn’t always trying to impress you?  When you tell a story they don’t always have to have a better one.  When you are humble you get along better with other people. 

Humility doesn’t mean you think less of yourself, you just think more about others.  When you become interested in others you become interesting to others. 

²³ Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor Proverbs 29:23

I want to in live in humility with others.  I hope you will join me.   Darrell

For more about The Mess Inside Series go to www.ridgefellowship.com

Do you struggle with pride?   For me it is a constant struggle.  Try saying the word pride without saying “I.”  Pride is an “I” problem.   

Here’s the definition of pride:  a lofty and often arrogant assumption of superiority in some respect. Dictionary.com

Let’s look at what pride does in our lives spiritually.  Pride messes up my relationship with God.   When I am prideful, everything orbits around me:  “My schedule, my time, and my activities.”  We end up worshiping ourselves and not God.

How about your prayers?  Sometimes I notice that my prayers can resemble a shopping list: “Give me this.  Give me that.  Help me, God.  Guide me, God.  Me, me, me.” Then I realize I am being prideful.  How about you? 

Another way pride is messes up your connection with God when you are not involved in His church.   Prideful people think that they are above serving. “That is for someone who is called, someone who has that gift, someone with more time, not me!”

Pride also takes credit for things that God has done.   We will do something well—get a promotion, do a good job at work—and we think that we have done it.  We say, “I did it.  I am so smart.  I am so talented.”  Who is getting the credit?  God is the one who gave you the ability to do what you are doing.  He is the one who has blessed you.  It is because of His grace that you are who you are and where you are and what you are. 

Pride is bad news and God doesn’t beat around the bush.  His Word says,

⁵ The Lord detests the proud; they will surely be punished. Proverbs 16:5 (NLT)

Did you know that pride leads to all other sins?  Rabbi’s, theologians and most literature on the subject speak of pride as being the “original sin”  “the root sin” “the essence of sin.”

Pride lead to Satan’s downfall ( Isaiah 14:12ff, Ezek. 28:17, Luke 10:18)

Open the pages of Genesis and you will see him leading others to his same downfall.   To Adam and Eve, he says, “God is holding out on you!  You are smarter than him, do things your own way!” (Gen 3:1-6)  They bit down on that lie and we have been falling for the same thing for years.  The same old lies re-spun over and over again.    

Are you messed up with Pride?  Humility is the only way to keep pride from taking over.

⁶ So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 1 Peter 5:6 (NLT)

Humble yourself.  In other words stop trying to elevate yourself and let God elevate you.  Would you like to have God’s power in your life?  The secret of strength is admitting weakness. The secret of power is admitting you need God’s power.  The secret of happiness is humility.  The secret of independence is dependence upon God. 

All that God has to offer is available to the person who lives humbly before God.

Next time we will look at how pride messes up our relationship with others.

Let’s stay humble, Darrell

For more about the series, “The Mess Inside” see www.ridgefellowship.com