1. Lack of open communication — Sex is not an easy subject to discuss for many of us. Avoidance of the topic leaves many couples in a cycle of resentment and frustration.
2. Unhealthy preoccupation with getting rather than giving — Many people (particularly men) grew up with the mindset that sex was something to be taken, earned, or won through manipulation. The art of giving oneself to another person is therefore often foreign to us.
3. Boredom/Lack of freshness — Predictability produces complacency and feelings of obligation, while creativity produces excitement.
4. Lack of anticipation — Your mind is your most important sexual resource. Mentally anticipating being with your spouse builds desire.
II. Complete Your “Love Map” — Each spouse should write below a detailed completion of the following sentence: “From my point of view, a perfect time of sexual intimacy with my spouse would consist of . . . .” Be as comprehensive and detailed as possible, being sure to include any personal preferences concerning timing, location, clothing, romantic ambiance, initiative, foreplay, positions, and “after-play.”
III. Share with One Another — Exchange your “love maps” and discuss them, clarifying and answering questions as necessary. Give your spouse permission to fulfill only those desires with which he or she is comfortable—do not be pushy.
IV. Give to One Another — Schedule, anticipate, and engage in two special times of lovemaking—one for the husband to give to the wife and fulfill the desires expressed in her love map, and another for the wife to give to the husband.
V. Reflect/Experiment/Repeat the Exercise — Have fun!
Thanks Dr Lewis Alexander for providing us this resource! This document was inserted in programs with Lewis’ message, “How to Be a Better Lover” at each location. I find it to be so helpful, I hope you can print it and use it again in the future.