Our Invitation from God

Posted on March 19, 2016 by dkoop

RSVPjpgYou’re invited!  God has extended to you an invitation know Him and be a part of something bigger than yourself.  Will you respond or RSVP? RSVP is derived from the French phrase “Répondez s’il vous plait” literally “Reply if you please.” Today we will examine a parable or story that Jesus told just days before he would die on the cross and rise from the dead.  This parable describes how God has invited his people to experience Him.  It’s found in Matthew 21.

On the Sunday before the crucifixion, Jesus was welcomed by the cheers of the people. As He entered Jerusalem He paused and sobbed bitter tears over how the people of Israel had rejected Him. Over the next few days, He taught openly in the temple courts. The religious leaders tried unsuccessfully to entrap Him with trick questions. In the midst of these questions, He shared a parable that contained a scathing indictment against the failure of the Jewish people to accept Him and His invitation of salvation and eternal life.

He went on to tell the people this parable: 33  “Listen to another parable: There was a landowner who planted a vineyard. He put a wall around it, dug a winepress in it and built a watchtower. Then he rented the vineyard to some farmers and went away on a journey.
34  When the harvest time approached, he sent his servants to the tenants to collect his fruit.
35  “The tenants seized his servants; they beat one, killed another, and stoned a third.
36  Then he sent other servants to them, more than the first time, and the tenants treated them the same way.
37  Last of all, he sent his son to them. ‘They will respect my son,’ he said.
38  “But when the tenants saw the son, they said to each other, ‘This is the heir. Come, let’s kill him and take his inheritance.’
39  So they took him and threw him out of the vineyard and killed him.
40  “Therefore, when the owner of the vineyard comes, what will he do to those tenants?”
41  “He will bring those wretches to a wretched end,” they replied, “and he will rent the vineyard to other tenants, who will give him his share of the crop at harvest time.”
42  Jesus said to them, “Have you never read in the Scriptures: “‘The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone; the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes’?
43  “Therefore I tell you that the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people who will produce its fruit.
44  He who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed.”
Matthew 21:33-44 (NIV)

When Jesus finished telling this parable, the people were shocked. They were astonished because Jesus disrupted their nice, neat understanding of God. Their view of God had become so skewed they thought God existed for the sake of their religious practices.  Not them for God.

Over 90 percent of Americans claim to believe in God–but what kind of God do they trust? For some, He is the nice, neat God they salute for an hour a week and then live the rest of their lives as if He doesn’t exist. For others, their religious rules and rituals have become a substitute for knowing God. Jesus Christ visited planet earth 2,000 years ago to teach us about God’s invitation to each of us. In this parable, He reveals four foundational aspects of the nature of God and we are invited to respond.

GOD IS GOOD – He Blesses Us With Good Things. (Creation, Health, Family, Jobs, and Recreation)

Do you know that God is good?  He gives us so many blessings! Like the owner of the vineyard, God created this world. He is the owner of this place called “Planet Earth.” He has placed us here to manage it, enjoy it and give back to Him.  We don’t own anything, we’re just the tenants. The Psalmist proclaimed, “The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof.” (Psalm 24:1)

During creation, God was like a master architect and craftsman.  He created something, and stepped back and said, “That’s good!” In Genesis 1, the phrase “and God saw that it was good” is repeated six times. When He finished, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.”

Then Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 1:31; 2:18)  After He created Adam, He saw He was alone. God’s nature is to create and seek good. When He sees something that is not good, He corrects it. That’s why God gave Adam a wife, because He knew she would be good for him!

I like the funny story of God saying to Adam, “Adam, I’ve got just the woman for you. She will never complain or nag you. She’ll be a perfect cook and she’ll always look great. She’ll adore you and follow any instructions you give her.” Adam said, “Sounds good, Lord. How much will this cost me?” God said, “It’ll cost you an arm and a leg–but she’ll be worth it.” Adam said, “I don’t know. What can you give me for just a rib?”

When Adam first saw Eve, most of our English translations have him saying something profound like, “This is bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.” But in the original Hebrew text, he uttered an interjection of surprise. He said something like, “Whoa! Man!” That’s why we call them women. God gave a wife to Adam because she was good for Him. Everything good in our lives comes from God. James 1:17 says, “Every good and perfect gift comes down from above from the Father.”

God is good. Things may not look too good in your world right now. You think for things to be good, there must be the absence of problems or pain. When you hear someone say, “God is good,” you may want to argue, “If God is good, how could He allow this war to happen? If God is good, why do bad things happen?” Look at the parable again. The bad things that happened in the vineyard were not caused by the owner, the tenants messed up a good thing. That’s what has happened in our world today. We live in a fallen, sinful world, and our sin has messed it up. When someone complains to me that life isn’t fair, I sometimes say, “You’re right, life isn’t fair–but God is good.”  Our response to God’s goodness is gratitude.

GOD IS PATIENT – HE SENDS US MESSENGERS (prophets, teachers, evangelists, pastors)

In the parable, the owner, who represents God, sent a servant to the vineyard when the grapes were ready to harvest. The tenants were like share-croppers. The owner didn’t demand all of the grapes, just a portion of them. But the tenants rejected the servant and beat him up and kicked him out. The essence of sin is declaring independence from your Creator–refusing to acknowledge God’s ownership of this world and rejecting His claim on your life. Sin is always first an attitude that says, “I don’t need God. I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.”

The tenants insulted the owner by rejecting his servant. What would you do if you were the landlord of a rental house and you sent an employee to collect the rent and instead of paying, the renter beat up your employee and said, “This is MY house. I’m not paying a dime!”? God would have been legally and morally justified to instantly reclaim the vineyard from sinful mankind and punish us immediately. But at this point in the parable, we learn the shocking truth that God is not only good, He is patient. Instead of punishing the farmers, he sends another servant, and another–and they are all rejected.

In the Old Testament, God sent many prophets to Israel to warn them of the dangers of rejecting God. Most of the prophets were abused and scorned when they were alive. Elijah was pursued by a wicked queen, Jeremiah was thrown into a pit to die, and Amos was scorned and ridiculed. The messages of the prophets were never valued until years after they died. Someone once said prophets and pigs have one thing in common–they aren’t truly appreciated until they’re dead.

Today he sends us evangelists, teachers and pastors.  Ephesians 4:11-12 “It was Him who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists and some to be pastors and teachers to prepare God’s people for works of service so the body of Christ may be built up.  Do we ignore the teachers and pastors God has sent us?
As this relates to us as believers today in the church, God calls us to make disciples.  Yes we enjoy some fellowship and worship, but we must produce a harvest, fruit or disciples.  A vineyard that doesn’t produce fruit is broken, a church that doesn’t produce disciples is also sick or broken.  We have a job to do.

God owns this world, and He owns your life. Have you rejected His claim? If you have, you should be thankful God is patient. He keeps on sending you messengers to patiently request you surrender to Him what is rightfully His. If you are rejecting your pastor’s or teachers plea to surrender to Christ and serve him with your life, in a sense you are really rejecting the one who sent them.  God has promised He will punish sin. You may think you are getting away with your sin–no, God is just being patient with you. The Bible says, “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” (II Peter 3:9) He is giving you another chance right now as you read these words. Patience is not weakness or unconcern, patience is strength under control.

In the 19th century, before radio or television, people in America found entertainment by listening to orators. One of the most infamous was a gifted atheist by the name of Robert Ingersol. He traveled around the country delivering eloquent speeches on the irrationality of believing in God. He was the Madalyn Murray O’Hair of his generation. One of his most dramatic methods was to stand on stage and shake his fist toward heaven and say, “If there is a God, I dare Him to strike me dead in 10 seconds!” Then he slowly counted to ten. Women fainted, and God-fearing people rushed for the exits, fully expecting God to send a fireball and consume Robert Ingersol. Of course, nothing happened. After completing his count, Ingersol challenged anyone in the audience to refute his logic. It is reported in one small Midwestern town, an old, godly woman laughed out loud and said, “Mr. Ingersol, do you think you can exhaust God’s wonderful patience in just 10 seconds?” God is patient, but as we will see, His patience will run out one day.  Our response to God’s messengers is obedience.

GOD IS LOVING – HE SENT HIS ONLY SON (Jesus)

God is inviting us to respond to His goodness, His patience and his Love. In the parable, after his servants had been rejected and abused, He takes an unprecedented, astonishing step–he sent his son. Jesus called him “the beloved son.” In Mark’s version of the story, the owner sends his only Son. The words “beloved son” are the same words heard when Jesus was baptized. A voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved son.”

An amazing verse and probably the most important statement about God’s love found in the Bible is this, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) Can you comprehend that? There is only one God and He has only one Son, and He loves us so much He sent that only son to reconcile our differences with Him. So what did we do? Did we run out to meet God’s Son and fall at His feet in surrender? No, like the tenants in the parable, we crucified the Son of God.

This parable not only highlights the shocking truth about the character of God, it reveals the shocking truth about the utter wickedness of the human heart. The tenants of vineyard didn’t kill the owner’s son in the spontaneous heat of emotion; they made a calculated decision. They thought by killing the son, they could claim ownership of the vineyard.

That’s what so amazing about God’s love. I am a sinner by nature and by choice, but God still loves me, in spite of my sin. He loves you enough that He sent His only Son to die for you. The Bible says, “but God demonstrated his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

How can you resist that kind of love? Years ago in the early days of computers, the publishers of Time magazine were concerned about their declining circulation, so they designed a campaign to send out thousands of letters making an emotional appeal to potential subscribers. In the past, such mailings had been done manually, at a great cost in human resources. IBM made a proposal to install a fully automated system that would write the letters, seal the envelopes, address them according to a selected database, stamp them and send them into the postal system without the letters ever being touched by a human hand. The huge computer was installed with much fanfare and anticipation. However, as is still the case with computers, there was a glitch, and as a result a poor sheepherder in Wyoming received 12,634 letters appealing to him to subscribe to Time magazine. The surprised sheepherder, who didn’t ordinarily get much mail, opened the mail bags and started reading the letters. After reading a few dozen, he sent in a subscription order with a note that said, “I give up.” That’s the kind of persuasion that’s hard to resist!

God has written thousands of letters to you–and each one of them says, “I love you.” The reason some people don’t understand the Bible is because they try to study it like they study other literature. Instead, the Bible is one long love letter. On every page, God is expressing His love to you.  Our response to God’s son is acceptance.

The owner of the vineyard was good, patient, and loving, but he couldn’t allow the wickedness of the tenants to go unnoticed or unpunished. Notice one final shocking truth about God.

GOD IS RIGHTEOUS- HE REQUIRES OBEDIENCE (Salvation, Discipleship, Evangelism)

After Jesus spoke of the tenants killing the owner’s son, He paused and asked, “

40  “Therefore, when the owner of the vineyard comes, what will he do to those tenants?”
41  “He will bring those wretches to a wretched end,” they replied, “and he will rent the vineyard to other tenants, who will give him his share of the crop at harvest time.”

Don’t confuse love with syrupy sentimentality. Because He is holy, He cannot tolerate sin. When I was a kid back in the olden days, school teachers and principles still paddled us if we misbehaved. I’m not proud of the fact I got a few in my time. I always got the two-for-one special because whenever I got a paddling at school, my parents always learned about it, and I got another one when I got home!  A friend of mine had a coach and teacher that had a big paddle he kept in his desk drawer. He had written the word “patience” on his paddle. Whenever someone misbehaved he would pull the paddle out and say, “You’re getting close to the end of my patience.” He always warned a student before he executed judgement. If the warning was ignored, the student got a paddling.  The coach would said, “You’ve reached the end of my patience, now the end of my patience is going to reach you.”

On the other hand, whenever we had substitute teacher, we could cut up and misbehave, because substitute teachers seldom punished us. Some people think God is like some half-witted, permissive substitute teacher who looks at the world of misbehaving sinners and says, “Now, now boys and girls, please sit down and be quiet!” No, God is Holy and like the owner of the vineyard, there will be a day of judgement for those who reject His Son.

In the book of Revelation, there is a great deal written about God’s ultimate judgement against those who reject His love.  In the middle of these future judgements, an angel says to God, “You are just in these judgements, you who are and who were, the Holy One, because you have so judged.” (Revelation 16:5) Because God is Holy, He will punish sin. And because He is Holy, He is right and just in His judgements.

What was true of the nation of Israel historically is true of us personally. God sent prophets and angels to Israel, and finally He sent His son. Because the nation of Israel rejected God’s son, they suffered the consequence of losing the vineyard. For almost 1,900 years Israel passed out of existence, and only since 1948 have they had a nation again.  God sends us Evangelists, Pastors and Teachers are we listening, are we responding or do we ignore and plot against them? Again, this relates to us as believers today in HIS church, Christ calls us to make disciples.  We must produce a harvest, fruit or disciples.  A vineyard that doesn’t produce fruit is not healthy and a church that doesn’t produce disciples is also unhealthy.

As he wrapped up this story, Jesus infuriated the Jewish leaders because He claimed to be the “stone which the builders rejected.” This is a metaphor rich with meaning! In the building of Solomon’s Temple, it took 30,000 workmen over seven years to complete the temple. According to I Kings 6 all the stones were quarried far away from the building site, so there was no sound of hammering heard there. Jewish tradition says one day the building superintendent saw an unusual stone being delivered. Because it was cut in an odd shape, he thought it was flawed. He had it rolled away into the Kidron Valley where it lay untouched and unnoticed. Years later, the builder sent word to the quarry that he was ready for the main corner stone. The quarry master came and reported, “Why, I had that stone delivered years ago. When they began to search they discovered the discarded stone in the valley was the main cornerstone. It was covered with debris and moss. It took many men working hard to raise the massive stone out of the valley. When they raised it and set it, it fit perfectly! The chief cornerstone was the very rock they rejected.

Jesus is that Rock. The Jews were on the verge of rejecting God’s chief cornerstone–they would crucify Him. But God was going to exalt Jesus by raising Him from the dead.

A few months after the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus, Peter and John were arrested for healing a paralyzed man. They were summoned before the same Jewish council who sentenced Jesus to die. Instead of pleading for mercy, Peter used the opportunity to repeat these words of Jesus right in their faces. In Acts 4:10-12 he said, “Know this, you and all the people of Israel: it is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. Jesus is the ‘stone you builders rejected, which has become the capstone.’ Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.”

For some of you today, this is your next step, Commit your life to Christ.  Pray, Jesus come in my life, I’m a sinner in need of a savior.  I commit my life to you.” Amen.

For others, you KNOW Christ but need to GROW more by inviting others. God is calling you to help produce fruit in His Vineyard or in other words to “go makes disciples.” (Matthew 28:18)

businesscard-3.5inx2in-h-frontWe have our INVEST & INVITE cards.  Pick one up Sunday! Who are you praying for?  Who are you inviting to Easter services?  People are more interested in coming to church at Easter than any other time of the year.  Lets be businesscard-3.5inx2in-h-frontobedient and Invite people.

What is God’s invitation? He Invites You to KNOW Him. Accept him and be baptized. He invites you to GROW in obedience, to serve in his vineyard the Church, to help produce his fruit: other disciples. He is good, He is patient, and He is loving. He invites you to serve with him in producing fruit or disciples. We need to serve out of love.

Will you SERVE Him?  Pray for and invite others, help serve in the vineyard His church tending the young believers, welcoming the new people, serving others, inviting others, praying for others.  Today is the day to respond. What is your RSVP?

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

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Healthy Marriage – Song of Solomon Ch 2:8 – Ch 3:11

Posted on February 19, 2016 by dkoop

RPM-Poster copyLast week we began looking at the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament.  The Song of Solomon is a Cinderella story.  It’s a story about King Solomon and the girl he fell in love with who was a common laborer.  We read how they meet, date, court, marry, have sex, and fight.  This is a song of all songs.  It’s a song that was told in a couple different voices, her voice and his voice as they express their love towards one another.  It’s like snapshots throughout the book.  We are able to take those pictures and look at them and get principles for our relationships as they tell us about the different seasons in their relationship.

Today we are looking at “How to Have a Healthy Marriage.”

Too often after couples make their commitments, the romance and communication are reduced, we settle into the grind of life and the relationship can get boring.

The first principle for a Healthy Marriage from the Song of Songs is simply this,

  1. Quality Time Together

10 My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. 11 See! The winter is past…12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” Song of Songs 2:8-13

Solomon wants to go out on a walk.  The winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers are here. The season of singing has come.   Spring is here – life is abounding everywhere.  Just as springtime is a representation of life, so too, time together as a couple should produce life.  Twice he says, “come with me”  “Come with me!”  Lets spend time together, let’s do something.  Time is the most valuable resource I have and I am going to invest it in you!

Quality time together is not just for single people.  Too often what happens is that we get married, we exchange vows then the time spent together changes.  Guys are pursuers by nature.  We pursue.  We go after a prize. Then we win her and she takes the ring.  The prize is won!  Then we move on to the next thing.  We can’t stop spending time together.  We have to continue to have fun.  She needs to be pursued.  Ask most guys what the most creative date they’ve ever done is.  They will tell you it was the night they asked their wife to marry them.  It ends then.  “You know that time I asked her to marry me, forty years ago, that was awesome.”  She still needs to be pursued today.

 Niki and I set a time together each week.  Both of us take Thursday off and we will just spend the day together.  We may go see a movie, go eat somewhere, sometimes we will just stay in our pajamas and watch movies or read.    We turn off our phones.  That’s right, turn off your phone and spend time together.  Now, you may not have that much time, but take a night, one night a week, or a night every other week, drop off the kids at a baby sitter.  Or find a couple to trade off with, watch their kids while they go on a date, next week, they watch your kids while you go on a date.  We book it on our calendar.  We lock it in.  It’s in concrete.  It’s an appointment that I have that’s not movable.  That’s my time with Niki.  It’s important that we have quality time together.  It’s important for all couples.  Secondly we need a…

 2. Willingness to Solve Problems

14 My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

This woman is an innocent dove up in the cleft of the rocks giving the idea of being hidden from all who would cause harm. In a relationship between a male and female, there are hidden deep things that you will not share with anyone, but as your relationship deepens, it’s like the dove coming out of its cleft.   Leaving its protection to come out and fly.  This is what God has intended for marriage – to know the deep things of one another, to help each other to grow as one and ultimately to become one.  As we find out more there is the reality of differences of opinion, differences in feelings, male and female differences.  Conflict is normal!  Conflict will happen. We will look at this in depth in two weeks.  We have to be willing to face these differences.

15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. Song of Songs 2:14-15 (NIV)

Catch the foxes.  In Israel there were actual foxes that would make their way into the vineyards and cause destruction.  These little foxes were seldom more than 15 inches tall; and in digging their holes and passages, they loosen the soil so the vines do not grow.  They would also eat the blossoms; therefore, it would never bud to produce the fruit.   The fruit would never come to maturity because something would eat it.  This business of keeping foxes out of vineyards is more difficult than it sounds. Vineyards in Palestine were surrounded by stonewalls topped by a hedge. The families stayed in villages in the middle of the vineyards to protect them from wild animals. This demanded much perseverance; if the people failed to watch, the foxes would begin their work of destruction.  It’s the same in a relationship; unresolved conflict will destroy a relationship.

 Paul Myer says, “Ninety percent of all those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit.”   Have you quit trying?  God is a God of second chances.  If you are feeling, “I have allowed those little miserable foxes to destroy my vineyard that God has given me.”  The Bible tells us that God can restore what the locusts have eaten.  Jesus first miracle was turning water into wine.  He is in the business of recreating.  Recreating death into life, sinners to become righteous.  Don’t quit. Try a different approach and ask God to change you.   God is in the business of restoration.   If you are successful at catching or keeping the little foxes out of your vineyard  here is what takes place (v. 16-17)  “My beloved is mine”  I trust him, I belong to him, safety and security.   Its an environment to grow trust, admiration and passion.   That is how chapter two ends.

We want to encourage everyone to get in a Growth Group: We have a Love & Respect Group, a Top Ten Relational Needs Group, Healthy Marriage Seminars that are on Saturdays (one each month this semester) and Pre Marital sessions that give couples in Texas $65 off their marriage certificate.

In Chapter 3, verse 6 the woman describes her wedding day.

6 Who is this coming up from the desert like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense made from all the spices of the merchant?
7 Look! It is Solomon’s carriage, escorted by sixty warriors, the noblest of Israel, 8 all of them wearing the sword, all experienced in battle, each with his sword at his side, prepared for the terrors of the night. 9 King Solomon made for himself the carriage; he made it of wood from Lebanon.
10 Its posts he made of silver, its base of gold. Its seat was upholstered with purple, its interior lovingly inlaid by the daughters of Jerusalem.
11 Come out, you daughters of Zion, and look at King Solomon wearing the crown, the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, the day his heart rejoiced. Song of Songs 3:6-11 (NIV)

Now you may read that and think, “Well, that’s interesting.”  That’s not exactly how you think of a wedding, but in the ancient world, they did it different.

Notice in chapter 3:6 she says, “Who is this that comes like a cloud of smoke out of the desert.”  I think that’s an interesting choice of words.  As you look back at the early chapters in the book of Exodus in the Bible, how did God led the people of Israel into the Promise Land?  As a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night.  This was very important in their culture.  They would talk about this.  It was part of who they were.  She’s saying, “Solomon, I see you coming.  You are coming as if you are being led by God himself to come and take me in this processional to be your wife.”  God was in charge.

 That’s what we do when we exchange vows.  Marriages are done by mostly by clergy: pastors, priests, rabbis or a justice of the peace who also is supposed to act on the behalf of God.  Vows are conducted before couple, before some witnesses but most importantly before God.

I think about all the couples that I’ve married over the years.   I do about 4-6 weddings a year on average.  As I stand at the altar and look into their eyes, there is love in their eyes.   Then at some point the conflict, differences and selfishness drive a wedge in the love.  Relationships get hard.  Relationships take work.  I have a news flash for you:  It’s not easy to be married.  It’s just not.  People think, and I’ve heard this all the time, if you are in a relationship with your soul mate, with the one and only, then it wont take any work.  Repeat after me…”relationships take work.”  When you look at a couple with a good marriage and it seems that the grass is greener with them, the truth that the grass is greener where you water and fertilize!

Too often we base our actions in a relationship on our feelings.  Feelings are fickle. Here’s what I propose to you…  your feelings can literally be shaped by your actions.    What were the things that you did when you had all those feelings of love and excitement?  Think back to it.  What did you do for her?  What did you do for him?  What were those actions?  Start doing those actions again.  Feelings can follow actions.  Do the actions like you are head over heels in love.

If you think, “That feels hypocritical.  If I feel like I don’t I love him/her as I used to, how am I supposed to get giddy about that?”    Here’s what you do:  You realize that you aren’t being hypocritical.  You are honoring the marriage vow that you already took.  The marriage vow was not a vow to say, “I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife when I feel like it.”  It was, “I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife.”  That’s an action that I’m going to involve myself in.  It can take your relationship to a whole new level.  Do the things that you would do when you were head over heels in love.  Feelings can follow actions.

We are going to have a time to renew our vows for all of our married couples at the end of the message on March 6th.   We will give each couple a certificate. Think through with me what those vows really mean and let’s learn how we can recapture some of those first feelings we had when we stood there and you were head over heels in love with this other individual.

We take these vows in sickness and in health.  We take them in prosperity and in need.  We take them till death do us part.  That’s a tough issue.  You look around our culture.  Over half of marriages end in divorce.  People who stood there and said till death do us part.  There are people who would tell you in their marriages and in their relationships when they stood beside that altar and lit the unity candle that what they didn’t know was they were actually lighting a time bomb.  It was just a matter of time before the thing went off in their lives.  I understand that it’s complicated.  I will tell you this; marriages are micro pictures of God’s desire of our relationship with him.  I think that’s one of the reasons why God’s ideal is for us to be in one relationship through the course of our lifetime.  So that’s the third aspect of a healthy marriage…

3  Lifetime Commitment

The Bible says God says in Malachi, “I hate divorce.”  I quickly want you to hear this.  It doesn’t say I hate divorced people.  Big difference there, isn’t it?  He says He hates divorce.  God hates what divorce does in people’s lives.  It rips families apart.  It rips homes apart.  I think most of us are in agreement with God on that point.  God wants marriage to be a picture of our relationship with Him.  That’s why you read through the Bible and God is the groom.  The church is the bride of Christ.  In Revelation 19:7, on the final day we will have a wedding celebration. They call it the “Wedding Celebration of the Lamb.”  We are going to be there together.  Our hearts are bound together.  God’s going to do it because He loves us and cares for us.

We take these vows, “till death do us part.”  While in our own earthly relationships, those vows don’t always remain.  Here is what’s true…no matter how well or poorly you’ve done in your relational past, there is one relationship that will not disappoint.  There is one relationship where He will always be faithful.  That is your relationship with God.  No matter where your relationships are today; whether they are going well or terribly, maybe you are barely hanging on.  I want to challenge you to get one relationship right before you leave.  All of us some day will die.  All of us will face that moment of death.  The promise of the Bible is that we can be in a relationship with God because He sent His son, Jesus Christ, who died for us, for our forgiveness and we can be with Him for eternity.  That is an awesome promise. It’s a picture of a marriage between God and His people.

I believe God can do more to help you and your relationship more than anything else I could offer you.  He can do more than a self-help book more than marriage principles, more than anything else to help you.  What I’ve learned is that when you grow like Christ and your spouse grows like Christ you will begin to grow closer together spiritually.

Next week is racy and steamy.   In chapter 4 the couple enjoys their honey moon and we read as they have sex.   Until then!

www.RidgeFellowship.com

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Song of Solomon Ch. 2:8-3:11 Commentary

Posted on February 16, 2016 by dkoop

RPM-Poster copyLove is an Adventure. After the banquet, Solomon leaves and the Shulamite went back to her normal life, but her eyes and ears were always open as she anticipated his return. Then it happened! One day as she was in her brothers’ home, she heard his voice and saw him coming toward her bounding across every barrier that stood between him and his beloved. He stopped at the wall that protected the house and looked at her through the lattice window. Then he spoke to her and twice invited her to “come away!”

2:8-9. As Solomon approached his beloved’s home, she excitedly described him coming as a gazelle or a young stag  This emphasized his attractive appearance, strength, and agility. He approached the wall around her parents’ home and then peered through the lattice. He was anxious to see her.

2:10-13. Solomon, her lover, asked his darling to go for a walk in the countryside. At the beginning and ending of his invitation he said, Come with me . The elaborate description of spring was probably meant to do more than simply emphasize the beauty of the setting. It is likely that he was also describing their relationship. In a sense when one falls in love the feeling is like spring for everything seems fresh and new. The world is seen from a different perspective, which is how Solomon felt when he was with his beloved. Several statements refer to the beauty of spring: (1) The winter is past. The word for winter (set̠aw, used only here in the OT) refers to the cloudy season of March and April with the “latter” rains. (2) Flowers appear in the spring, adding delightful colors to the landscape, causing people to sing for joy. (3) Doves coo, “announcing” spring’s arrival. (4) Fig trees put forth their early fruit (cf. Nahum 3:12). The early figs were either those that had remained unripened on the trees from the previous summer and then ripened at the beginning of spring, or were small edible buds that appeared in March. (5) Grape vines blossom, giving off their fragrance just before the grapes appear.  Spring stimulates the senses of sight, sound, taste, and smell.

2:14. Another characteristic of genuine love is the desire to be alone with one’s lover. This desire seems to be easily experienced during courtship, but unfortunately it often fades in marriage. Yet if love is to grow a couple must find time to be alone. Doves hide in rock crevices, reluctant to leave. The lover likened his beloved to such a dove, hesitant to join him in the countryside. So again he urged her to leave her home and join him so he could enjoy her sweet-sounding voice and lovely face.

2:15. She was probably speaking poetically about their relationship rather than about literal foxes and vineyards. Foxes were noted for their destructive tendencies in crop fields, so her reference to those animals probably suggested metaphorically some problems in their relationship. The beloved was asking her lover to take the initiative in solving the problems that were potentially harmful to their relationship. “The foxes represent as many obstacles or temptations as have plagued lovers throughout the centuries. Perhaps it is the fox of uncontrolled desire which drives a wedge of guilt between a couple. Perhaps it is the fox of mistrust and jealousy which breaks the bond of love. Or it may be the fox of selfishness and pride which refuses to let one acknowledge his fault to another. Or it may be an unforgiving spirit which will not accept the apology of the other. These foxes have been ruining vineyards for years and the end of their work is not in sight” (S. Craig Glickman, A Song for Lovers, pp. 49-50). Even in ideal courtships and marriages most couples encounter some potentially destructive problems. Their willingness to solve them together is an evidence of their maturity.

2:16-17. Though they had some problems in their relationship, the beloved knew that her lover belonged to her and she belonged to him. They were committed to each other. She could rest in the shepherd-like quality of his love despite the struggles they shared. She said he browses (lit., “he pastures” his flock) among the lilies . Her thoughts of their mutual possession of each other naturally led to her desire for physical intimacy. So in her mind she invited him to turn (i.e., to her) with the strength and agility of a gazelle or… young stag. Rugged hills (hārê b̠āt̠er) is literally, “hills or mountains of separation or cleavage.” Some say this refers to actual mountains—perhaps “hills of Bether” (niv marg.), though the location of such a site is unknown.  It seems preferable to take this as a reference to her breasts, thus an inner longing that they consummate their marriage. If that is the meaning, then she wanted that intimacy to last during the night till the day breaks (lit., “breathes”) at dawn and the night shadows vanish. When their marriage was consummated they did this (see 4:5-6). As already stated, in expressing their love in their courtship, the beloved and her lover used restraint. Yet because of their deep love and commitment to each other they longed for their wedding day to come.

Fear of Losing Her Lover 

3:1-4.  Solomon returned to Jerusalem, leaving his beloved at her home in the country. The phrase All night long on my bed indicates that the experience she was describing took place in a dream. When a person loves another person deeply, it is natural to fear losing him or her. In her dream she lost her lover and sought to find him. The repeated expression the one my heart loves (once in each of these four verses) revealed the depth of her love for Solomon.

In her dream she went to a city (either a town near her home or Jerusalem) to look for him, but she was unsuccessful. She even asked the watchmen, men who guarded the city at night, if they had seen him. Apparently they had not. When she found him in her dream, she took him to her mother’s house, the most secure place she knew.

The Refrain (3:5)

This refrain marks the end of the section on the courtship (1:2-3:5) and the beginning of the wedding section (3:6-5:1). Perhaps the wedding was to be seen as a reward for patience on the beloved’s part.

 The Wedding (3:6-11)

Marriages in the ancient Near East were usually sanctioned through civil contracts rather than through religious ceremonies. Except for Proverbs 2:17 and Malachi 2:14 marriage covenants or contracts are not mentioned in the Old Testament. However, examples of Jewish civil marriage contracts have been found in the remains of the Jewish colony at Elephantine, Egypt dating back to the fifth century b.c. The marriage of Ruth and Boaz before a court of elders rather than before priestly officials (cf. Ruth 4:10-11) also illustrates the “civil” rather than religious character of wedding ceremonies. It is not surprising, therefore, to find that weddings took place not in the temple (or later in the synagogue), but rather in the couples’ homes.

A central feature of a wedding ceremony was a procession to the bride’s home led by the groom, who then escorted her back to their new residence. Next a wedding feast was given which lasted up to a week or even longer. Though the feast was prolonged the couple consummated their marriage on the first night. The wedding feast is not described in the Song of Songs but both the wedding procession (Song 3:6-11) and the wedding night (Song 4:1-5:1) are presented in some detail.

Song 3:6. The author spoke as a narrator in this verse, as if he were a spectator watching the approaching wedding procession, which was elaborate. What at first appeared in the distance to be a great column of smoke.  There was incense burning in front of the procession. The fact that the incense was made from all the spices of the merchant emphasizes the costly nature of this display. The myrrh added another fragrance to the procession.

The pomp and beauty of this procession were wholly appropriate in light of the event’s significance. The Scriptures teach that marriage is one of the most important events in a person’s life. Therefore it is fitting that the union of a couple be commemorated in a special way. The current practice of couples casually living together apart from the bonds of marriage demonstrates how unfashionable genuine commitment to another person has become in contemporary society. This violates the sanctity of marriage and is contrary to God’s standards of purity.

3:7-8. The 60 warriors accompanying Solomon’s carriage were friends of he groom. It was common for a groom’s friends to go with him in the wedding procession. But they were also the noblest and most experienced soldiers in Israel, probably Solomon’s royal bodyguard. David had a bodyguard (2 Sam. 23:23) and so possibly did Solomon. Since the caravan may have had to travel some distance (cf. “coming up from the desert,” Song 3:6, and note also the mention of Lebanon in 4:8, 15), the king was taking no chances with the safety of his bride. If bandits would appear at night and terrorize the bride, the soldiers were ready for them. The lesson is valid today for a would-be husband. He should give proper thought and planning to protect his bride. One form this takes is providing economic security for her.

3:9-11. Solomon’s carriage was made of the very best, that is, wood from Lebanon (possibly his bride’s homeland; cf. 4:8, 15). The carriage was adorned with the most expensive materials, silver… gold, and purple (representing royalty) fabric. Solomon offered his bride the best he had. And his love for her brought out the best in him. Others shared the couple’s joy by helping prepare for the procession (the daughters—female inhabitants—of Jerusalem helped make the interior of the carriage and did so gladly) and by watching it (look at King Solomon). In the procession he wore a crown. This was not his royal crown, but a crown… his mother (Bathsheba, 1 Kings 2:13) gave him; it probably depicted happiness more than royalty.

Next week, we will read about the couple’s wedding night as they have sex in Chapter 4.

www.RidgeFellowship.com

 

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Attraction and Dating (Song of Solomon 1)

Posted on February 9, 2016 by dkoop

RPM-Poster copyIf your married or dating isn’t it great to remember when you first met?   It’s a question that always comes up,  “So, how did you guys meet?”  I’ll never forget the day that Niki and I met, it was July 4th, 1994.  I was doing Youth Ministry, teaching Driver’s Ed, and in Seminary with no hope for meeting a girl my age.  We were introduced by a guy that I went to Texas A & M with, Greg McKeever. He was from Waxahachie TX, attending medical school in San Antonio.  He dropped by with two girls one of them was Niki.  One of the first things he said was, “Hey Darrell, you like my new BF Goodrich tires?  There’s two beautiful women and we’re talking about tires! There’s a lot that I don’t understand about relationships.  That is why I’m grateful there is an entire book of the Bible dedicated to relationships!

It’s called the Song of Solomon or the Song of Songs, whichever way you hear it, it’s the same book.  It’s tucked away in the Old Testament.  It will give us principles and insight into how to deal with the relationships that we find ourselves in.  It applies to everyone.  Statistics say that ninety-four percent of people will marry at least once in their lifetime.  Seventy-five percent of people who are divorced will remarry within two years.  Wherever you are, single or married this book will give you some great tips and insight.  If you are married and your relationship is barely hanging on then this book can help you take some steps to move forward.  If your relationship is going great then the Song of Solomon will help it become even better!

Here is what’s interesting to me.  We will go to college, or a trade school, and go for four years to get all kinds of information so we move into a career path and get a job.  Yet we spend hardly any time learning relational skills.  Over these next five weeks we’re going to look at relationships, passion and marriage that will serve as vital information to help us grow relationally.   Open up your heart to these principles and let God move.  I believe He’ll do a wonderful and amazing work in you relationships.  Also I want to let you know about our GROWTH GROUPS that are for relationships.  Go here to find the Love and Respect Group, Top 10 Relational Needs, Several Saturday workshops and Premarital Training that will get $65 off your Marriage License in the state of Texas.

Three thousand years ago a guy by the name of Solomon wrote a love song.  Solomon was the king over Israel from 97 – 931 B.C.  He reigned in Israel for forty years in peace. He took over the throne when he was twenty years old.  He wrote over three thousand proverbs, from what the Bible tells and 1005 psalms.  A lot of his proverbs are mentioned in the book of Proverbs but we only have one song mentioned in the Bible.  It’s this book, the Song of Solomon.  You’ll find it tucked away in your Old Testament, about in the middle of your Bible.

Have you seen the Disney movie, Cinderella? Did you know there are over 1500 different versions of the Cinderella story?  Basically, it’s the story of a prince who falls in love with a peasant girl and develops this relationship.  Love causes them to conquer those differences that they would have faced.  There are all kinds of versions around the world.  But the oldest Cinderella story that I’m aware of is actually found in the Bible here. The Song of Solomon is a Cinderella story.

Once upon a time in the mountains of Ephraim, in the hill country, there was a king, who lent out a vineyard to a family.  That family worked the vineyard.  The parents had died, apparently.  There were two brothers and at least two sisters.  The brothers treated the girls very harshly, particularly one girl who they caused to do hard labor.  They caused her to work out in the field of the vineyard.  One day this young woman meets a shepherd.  This shepherd, as she begins to talk to him, develops a friendship.  As the shepherd comes back and that friendship begins to grow.  Eventually it grows into love.  Now, the shepherd says he’s going to come back and take the young woman’s hand in marriage but the brothers are skeptical about it.  They don’t believe it.  Then the shepherd goes away for a long time.  The young girl gets a summons to go visit the king.  She doesn’t understand what it’s about.  She goes before the king and when she walks in she sees the face of the shepherd, who was actually the king.  It’s the Cinderella story of the Song of Solomon.

What we have in this book, is this love song or love poem of them interacting with one another about their relationship.  It’s almost like they took a box of old photos and set it out on the coffee table.  They begin to take pictures out.  Look at this picture of when we were dating.  We get to look into their life from that point of view.  Look at this picture of when we are in conflict.  We can see how they dealt with conflict.  That’s how this whole song unfolds.

We don’t know the young woman’s name.  It just says in chapter six, verse thirteen that she’s a Shulammite.  Shulammite is simply, in the Hebrew language that the Bible was written in, is the feminine word for Solomon.  So basically, it’s the story of Mr. and Mrs. Solomon.  We begin to see how they interact.  Marriage and family therapists will tell you that there are some major landmines that every relationship will face and deal with.

Four of the most common landmines that couples experience are these:  money, communication, sex and religion.  Those four areas are huge areas of potential conflict in relationships.  As we look at the Song of Solomon, we’re going to learn some great principles for each.

First let’s examine the importance of character.  The Song of Solomon starts with the females, the Shulammite voice.  She says in chapter 1:2, “Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out.  No wonder the maidens love you!”

Remember this is poetry.  It’s a song so it’s not like reading an article in a magazine.  There’s a lot of flowery language.  There are a lot of metaphors and symbolism here.

She starts this love song by saying, “You know what Solomon, your scent is so pleasing to me.  Your fragrance draws me.”  Men in the Old Testament didn’t take a bath everyday.  But they would put oil or cologne on that would give them a certain fragrance or smell.

She says not only is he a wonderfully smelling person, “Your scent draws me to you externally, but “your name is like perfume poured out.”  This is very important.  The name in the Old Testament stood for a person’s character.

In Relationships:

1.   Character is Critical.

 It was their reputation.  She said, “Your name is so valuable its like perfume poured out.  It’s a sweet fragrance.”  In other words, you are not only beautiful on the outside; you are beautiful on the inside.  That’s what draws me to you.  Your character draws me to you.  This is so important for us to hear today.  Beauty is only skin deep.  Beauty fades, but character remains.   Looks are important, yes, but character is critical.

If you e in a dating relationship, I want to challenge you to put character at the top of the list of the qualities for the person you are looking for.  As I look around at our society, character seems to find it’s way at the bottom.  We think, “I’ll change him or her.” Not likely.   They may eventually change on their own but you are looking at a war if that’s the way you try to go about navigating a relationship.

How do you determine a person’s character?  How do you figure out who they really are in a dating relationship?  We get a couple principles out of this verse that we just read in the Song of Solomon.  Now I want to put it to you in the form of questions you can ask to help determine a character.

 Ways to Examine Character…

How does this person act under stress? How do they act when they are under pressure?  She said, “Solomon, your name is like perfume that’s poured out.”  The way they made perfume in that day, some translations translate that phrase “it’s like purified oil poured out.”  They would take olives and put them under incredible pressure.  Out of that pressure would come the oil that would become the cologne of their day.  If you want to determine what their character is really like then look at how they deal with pressure.  When they are under stress?  Watch how they handle that.  It will tell you a lot about who that person is.

What do others say about this person?  Another question to lay over a person’s life if you are in a dating relationship is this, what do others say about this person?  You should listen to the voices around you.  The Shulammite said, “Solomon, all the other maidens love you.”  The people loved him.  In other words, everyone says good things about you and I’m not ashamed to be in a relationship with you. Have you ever known someone who dated someone and kept it back in the closet?  My question is if you are not willing to take that relationship public, if this is a person you are not proud to be with then why are you in that dating relationship?  Let me tell you what’s happening.  If you are dating a bad boy because they’re bad or a bad girl because she’s bad and you’re in this relationship and ultimately see it going nowhere, here’s what’s happening…you’re shading your own character in that relationship.  Character matters.  Ecclesiastes 7:1 says this, “A good name is better than fine perfume.”  Is this person that you are with someone you wouldn’t be ashamed to take home and meet the parents?

How does this person treat others? Another question you can ask if you want to determine a person’s character is this, how does this person treat others?  If you are in a relationship and you are dating a guy and you’re dating him for a couple weeks and you notice him telling a lie to one of his friends, don’t be so naïve to think he wouldn’t tell a lie to you.  If you are in a dating relationship and this guy just stole from someone else don’t be so naïve to think that at some point he wouldn’t steal from you.  If he’ll do it to someone else, at some point he has every capability of doing it to you.  Look at how a person treats other people and you’ll get a real window into their character and who they are and how someday they may treat you.

Those are some critical questions.  External beauty is only skin deep.  Put character at the top of the list if you are in a dating relationship with another person.  Character is critical.

Another tip that we see here in the Song of Solomon is to

Communicate Love and Respect.

He Communicates Love.

For men to communicate love to the woman in their life is important.  Solomon has done that with this Shulammite.   In chapter one, verse five here’s what she says, “Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon.  Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun.  My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected.”  A couple things we need to see here.  First of all, in our culture everyone is about getting a tan.  We go to great lengths to get a tan.  There are tanning beds, tanning salons and tanning lotion.

This had nothing to do with race.  In Solomon’s culture a tan implied that you were a laborer.  A tan implied that you had been working out in the fields.  She says, “Don’t look down at me.  Don’t despise me because of my skin.  I have a farmer’s tan to prove I’m not of the same social class that you are.” It’s something she doesn’t like about herself.  Don’t we all have things that we don’t like about ourselves?  She says, “I’m dark.  Don’t look down on me.”  Here’s what he does, Solomon communicates love to this woman to such a degree that you see her change over the course of the book.

In the early chapters you see some self-doubt expressed but as the book goes on she begins to find more and more confidence.  She’s gone from viewing herself as somebody who may be unacceptable or as someone who may not be as beautiful as someone else to seeing herself as the most valuable thing in his world.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Solomon says, “There is no one like you in my world.”  He has communicated that to her so that she understands it and receives it.

In chapter 1:9 Solomon says this, “I liken you, my darling…” That’s significant so I want to stop right there.  That phrase, “my darling” could literally be translated, “my female friend.”  They developed a friendship.  If you want a relationship that lasts, it has to be built on an intimate friendship.  You can get into a relationship based on sex.  Studies say that in as little as one year that relationship will dissolve if built on sex alone.  You can get in a relationship based on any number of things but the relationship that lasts is a relationship that’s anchored in a friendship and an intimacy.  He says, “I liken you my female friend.”  Do you know what I think the greatest challenge is in intimacy, in relationships today, is simply time.  We are so busy, aren’t we?  We are going in so many directions with so many responsibilities.  There are so many things that we need to do that it’s hard to find time to be around.

A relationship can only go so long if that friendship and time element starts to break down before it starts to drift.  We’ve got to work hard.  We’re going to look over the next six weeks how we can carve out time to develop that friendship and community.  Solomon says this in verse nine, “I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh. Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels.  We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver.”  Just a word of caution here guys.  You probably don’t want to go home and when the wife walks out before a date say, “Honey, I liken you to a mare.”  She’ll say, “Are you calling me a fat horse?”

In Solomon’s culture it was different.  Mares weren’t harnessed to chariots.  In Egypt and other parts of that world it was a stallion that would be harnessed to a chariot.  If a stallion was about to charge into battle and someone were to bring out a mare, the stallions would be distracted.  Here’s what Solomon is saying, “You are like a mare hooked to a chariot.”  In other words, when you walk in the room, all my attention goes to you.  When you come into a room, everything stops.  You are my number one greatest distraction.  You are the only one I can think of.  He’s communicating love to her.

Here’s what Solomon has learned how to do, he shows us how to communicate love so she receives it.  He communicates love to her verbally so it changed her own image of herself and he’s communicated it to her with gifts.  It’s all these little things.  It’s not once a year.  It’s the little things that add up.  Tell her that you love her in front of her friends.   Tell her you love her hair.  Tell her you love the way she looks.  You love this about her.  You love that about her.   What you will find is that your love quota (your love ability) will begin to just rise in your household.  It will begin to rise in that dating relationship as you are communicating what the other person needs.  You are communicating it in a way that they need to hear.

She Communicates Respect.

As you look at the Song of Solomon you can just tell that she has so much respect for him.  It comes off of everything she says, even in those couple of verses that we just read.  “Your name is like a perfume poured out.”  She is drawn to him and she respects who he is as a person.  This is really, really important.  Ladies, hear me on this. I’m convinced men’s primary need is not simply love.  I think that’s a woman’s primary need.  A man’s primary need, even before love, is respect.   Ephesians 5:33 says this, first it speaks to husbands, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself.  The wife must respect her husband.”  It doesn’t say, “Husbands love your wives and wives love your husbands.”  It’s says, “Husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands.”  Think about the implications of that.  I believe a woman’s primary need is to feel loved.  But a man’s primary need is to feel respected.  In fact, I read a poll where they sat down with four hundred different men and asked them this question:  If you had to choose between being alone and unloved for the rest of your life or being disrespected by everyone, which would you choose?  Seventy-four percent of men said they would choose to be alone and unloved the rest of their life rather than being disrespected.  Sometimes our problem might be that women are trying to love their men but what men need is respect.  Out of that respect, they will be motivated to love them and meet those needs. *There’s a whole book based on this called, “Love & Respect” it’s a best seller and a great group that we are offering!!  It’s at the Bennetsen’s house on Sunday evenings.  Sign up here.

One woman I read about started to implement this in her relationship.  She said this, “Just a few days ago I decided to tell my husband that I respect him.  I felt so awkward to say the words but I went for it.  The reaction was unbelievable.  He asked me what I respected about him.  I listed off a few things.  Although I could have said much more, I watched his demeanor change before my eyes.”  Too often we think that love needs to be unconditional but respect is earned.  Maybe at work, but not at home.   Love AND respect is unconditional.

Ladies respecting your man will begin to transform the way they love you and communicate their love to you.  It can take the relationship to a whole new level.

Next week we’ll look at how to have a healthy marriage.  We’ll discuss dating and why dating shouldn’t end when you walk down the aisle, we’ll look at conflict and how to reduce it and how to communicate show our commitment. When it comes to relationships the Song of Solomon has so much to say.   Until next week!

Darrell

www.RidgeFellowship.com

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