Benefits of a Committed Relationship

Posted on February 22, 2015 by dkoop

50 Shades RidgeWe have a powerful need and desire for coupling that drives us into and out of relationships. The desire for partnership is pervasive and universal, reaching back to the beginning, spanning every culture and civilization.

85% of us marry at least once. In a recent survey, 94% of young adults stated that finding a “soul mate” was one of their highest goals. The vast majority of us want partnership and are driven into and out of relationships seeking- what? Love? Happiness? Security? Healing? All of the above?

Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs might give us a clue to what we want in relationships. Once our physical needs are met (food, shelter, sex) we pursue our higher order needs, such as emotional needs for love and pleasure, and our spiritual needs such as meaning and purpose. As a society we have secured our physical needs, and are evolving to prioritize our emotional and spiritual needs.

In spite of the high failure rate of marriage and the availability of other options, why are we still driven to pair up in monogamous, committed relationships?

There are many benefits to a committed relationship:

  1. REGULAR, SAFE, GOOD SEX: Committed, monogamous partners have more, and better sex than singles and non-committed partners.
  2. COMPANIONSHIP: We are social beings and are comforted by closeness. Married people are healthier, happier, and live longer than singles.
  3. INTIMACY: Emotional closeness, love, trust, mutual support, builds and improves over time in a committed relationship, and is much more difficult to achieve in quality and quantity outside of a committed relationship.
  4. FAMILY: Both children and adults thrive in an environment of stable, long-term, multi-generational relationships.
  5. ECONOMICS: Committed couples are financially more successful than singles and non-committed partners.
  6. COMMUNITY: Extended family, neighbors, churches, and other forms of networks of supportive relationships thrive on the stability of committed relationships.
  7. MENTAL/EMOTIONAL/PHYSICAL HEALTH: Married adults live longer and have fewer mental/emotional problems.

Source: http://coupleforlife.com/benefits-of-committed-relationships/

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

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Paul’s Writing on Sex (1 Corinthians 6)

Posted on February 20, 2015 by dkoop

50 Shades RidgeThere was a great deal of sexual carelessness in the city of Corinth. It was a permissive society with a philosophy similar to that which the world has today: Sex is a normal physical function, so why not use it as you please? Paul pointed out that God created sex when He made the first man and woman, and therefore He has the right to tell us how to use it. The Bible is the “owner’s manual” and should be followed to avoid many problems.

God is clear and what is sexual sin; Paul named some of them in 1 Corinthians 6:9. In that day, idolatry and sexual immorality went together. “Effeminate” and “abusers” describe the passive and active partners in a homosexual relationship. (Paul dealt with this and with lesbianism in Rom. 1:26-27.)

But God can also cleanse sexual sins and make sinners into new creatures in Christ. “You are washed, you are sanctified, but you are justified” (1 Cor. 6:11). The tenses of these verbs indicate a completed transaction. Now, because of all that God had done for them, they had an obligation to God to use their bodies for His service and His glory.

Consider God the Father (vv. 12-14). He created our bodies and one day He will resurrect them in glory. In view of the fact that our bodies have such a wonderful origin, and an even more wonderful future, how can we use them for such evil purposes?

The Corinthians had two arguments to defend their sensuality. First, “I have the right to do anything. (1 Cor. 6:12). This was a popular phrase in Corinth, based on a false view of Christian freedom. We have not been set free so that we can enter into a new kind of bondage! As Christians, we must ask ourselves, “Will this enslave me? Is this activity really profitable for my spiritual life?”

Their second argument was, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food.” (1 Cor. 6:13). They treated sex as an appetite to be satisfied and not as a gift to be cherished and used carefully. Fornication (sexual intercourse between a man and woman who are not married, or any form of sexual behavior considered to be immoral) is to sex what gluttony is to eating; both are sinful and both bring disastrous consequences. Just because we have certain normal desires, given by God at Creation, does not mean that we must give in to them and always satisfy them. Sex outside of marriage is destructive, while sex in marriage can be creative and beautiful.

There may be excitement and enjoyment in sexual experience outside of marriage, but there is not enrichment. Sex outside of marriage is like a man robbing a bank: he gets something, but it is not his and he will one day pay for it. Sex within marriage can be like a person putting money into a bank: there is safety, security, and he will collect dividends. Sex within marriage can build a relationship that brings joys in the future; but sex apart from marriage has a way of weakening future relationships, as every Christian marriage counselor will tell you.

Consider God the Son (vv. 15-18)

The believer’s body is a member of Christ (see 1 Cor. 12:12ff). How can we be joined to Christ and joined to sin at the same time?  Yet some of the Corinthians saw no harm in visiting the temple prostitutes (there were 1,000 of them at the temple of Aphrodite) and committing fornication.

Jesus Christ bought us with a price (1 Cor. 6:20), and therefore our bodies belong to Him. We are one spirit with the Lord and we must yield our bodies to Him as living sacrifices (Rom. 12:1-2). If you begin each day by surrendering your body to Christ, it will make a great deal of difference in what you do with your body during the day.

Paul referred to the Creation account (Gen. 2:24) to explain the seriousness of sexual sin. When a man and woman join their bodies, the entire personality is involved. There is a much deeper experience, a “oneness” that brings with it deep and lasting consequences. Paul warned that sexual sin is the most serious sin a person can commit against his body, for it involves the whole person (1 Cor. 6:18). Sex is not just a part of the body. Being “male” and “female” involves the total person. Therefore, sexual experience affects the total personality.

Paul did not suggest that being joined to a harlot was the equivalent of marriage, for marriage also involves commitment. The man and woman leave the parental home to begin a new home. This helps us to understand why sex within marriage can be an enriching experience of growth, because it is based on commitment. When two people pledge their love and faithfulness to each other, they lay a strong foundation on which to build. Marriage protects sex and enables the couple, committed to each other, to grow in this wonderful experience.

Consider God the Holy Spirit (vv. 19-20)

God the Father created our bodies; God the Son redeemed them and made them part of His body; and God the Spirit indwells our bodies and makes them the very temple of God. How can we defile God’s temple by using our bodies for immorality?

The word your is plural, but the words body and temple are singular (1 Cor. 6:19). It may be that Paul is here describing not only the individual believer, but also the local church. Each local assembly is a “body” of people united to Jesus Christ. The conduct of individual members affects the spiritual life of the entire church.

In both cases, the lesson is clear: “Glorify God in your body!” The Holy Spirit was given for the purpose of glorifying Jesus Christ (John 16:14). The Spirit can use our bodies to glorify Him and to magnify Him (Phil. 1:20-21). Our special relationship to the Holy Spirit brings with it a special responsibility.

So God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are all involved in what we do with our bodies. If we break God’s laws, then we must pay the penalty (Rom. 1:24-27).

As you review this section, you will see that sexual sins affect the entire personality. They affect the emotions, leading to slavery (1 Cor. 6:12b). It is frightening to see how sexual immorality can get a hold of a person and defile his entire life, enslaving him to habits that destroy. It also affects a person physically (1 Cor. 6:18). The fornicator and adulterer, as well as the homosexual, may forget their sins, but their sins will not forget them.

In counseling, its common to have to help married couples whose relationship was falling apart because of the consequences of premarital sex, as well as extramarital sex. The harvest of sowing to the flesh is sometimes delayed, but it is certain (Gal. 6:7-8). How sad it is to live with the consequences of forgiven sin.

Having said all this, we must also realize that there are eternal consequences for people who practice sexual sins. In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Paul twice states that people who practice such sins will not inherit God’s kingdom. A Christian may fall into these sins and be forgiven, as was David; but no Christian would practice such sins (1 John 3:1-10).

Finally, in all fairness, we must note that there are other sins besides sexual sins. For some reason, the church has often majored on condemning the sins of the prodigal son and has forgotten the sins of the elder brother (see Luke 15:11-32). There are sins of the spirit as well as sins of the flesh—Paul names some of them in 1 Corinthians 6:10. Slander and greed can send a person to hell just as easily as adultery.

We must remember that the grace of God can change the sinner’s life. “And such were some of you” (1 Cor. 6:11). It is wonderful how faith in Christ makes a sinner into a “new creation” (2 Cor. 5:17. And it is important that we live like those who are a part of God’s new creation. We are not our own. We belong to the Father who made us, the Son who redeemed us, and the Spirit who indwells us. We also belong to the people of God, the church, and our sins can weaken the testimony and infect the fellowship.

Source:  adapted from The Bible Exposition Commentary (BE Series) – New Testament

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

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3 Naked Truth’s about Sex

Posted on February 15, 2015 by dkoop

50 Shades RidgeLet’s undress this topic, pun intended.  More importantly let’s look at what God says about S.E.X.

Sex is 

Supernatural.

The word supernatural it indicates something out of this world, divine or of God.   Sex is supernatural because God created it.  Sex was His plan, His idea, so it’s not dirty, sinful or shameful.  It’s “very good” like the the rest of what God created.  “God saw all that He had made, and it was very good.”  Genesis 1:31a

Much in God’s creation is majestic and mysterious and therefore supernatural.  Sex is one of those things.  We didn’t discover sex during the sexual revolution.  God gave us sex from the beginning and before sin ever entered the human equation,

“Be fruitful and increase in number; Genesis 1:28   In other words, Get it on!

It freaks some people out  to connect God and sex.  Culture has removed God from sex. Often we often think of sex as something R rated. Or reduce it to a natural urge like eating, but its more.  Sex is also supernatural because it creates oneness: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

 “…and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24b  Oneness.

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, the trinity are united.  Three in one. When a couple engages in sexual intercourse in marriage you have the male character qualities of God and the female character qualities of God coming together as one.  Sex is not just sex:

Sex is two souls touching. 

When two souls touch they have the power to produce another soul!!   Now THAT is supernatural! How many times have you said or heard people say, “the birth of a child is a miracle.”  It is, its supernatural because of sex caused it, and God created it that way.  Living Sperm, living egg = new life!   It’s not just for the back seat of car for dating, its oneness and holiness.

We have to have a mental modification to grab hold of this. Sex is supernatural.  Sex is also for our…

Enjoyment.

Smile!   Because sex for our enjoyment! Don’t be bashful about it!  Sex was created for our enjoyment.

Some people think, “Sex is for procreation.”  Yes, but sex is also for…Recreation!

If it was only for procreation, we would be like animals.  Sex would be a duty to get over with and move on.   But God created it for enjoyment.

If sex were only for procreation then we would not enjoy sex before and after we have children.  Niki and I have three children. The party didn’t stop!

The way God created us to have sex as humans is different than with animals.  With animals, the male is looking at the back of the female… (dogs, cattle, horses – they just jump on the other’s back! )  Be glad you’re not a turtle, chicken or duck – they bite the heck out of the female first!!   In humans, God designed us to be face to face.  Think about it, why?  Animals are drawn to each other only certain times/cycles. Humans are drawn most any time.

The Bible talks a lot about the enjoyment of sex to satisfy one another.  “May her breasts satisfy you always,  may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” Proverbs 5:19

“May your fountain be blessed,  and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Proverbs 5:18    Do I really need to explain what a fountain is?  The bible calls the man a fountain or a spring and a woman a well.  Yes, its in the bible!   Notice the other words that describe sexual enjoyment:  “satisfy.” ” intoxicated with love,”  “rejoice.”

Also the entire book of  Song of Solomon has parts that are very erotic and in Hebrew lingo very graphic!  The whole book shares about the enjoyment of marital sex.

And the very difficult thing is when you don’t enjoy sex with your spouse.  Some don’t have a healthy view of sex. Maybe you brought baggage into the relationship, molestation, rape, abuse.  Perhaps you grew up hearing, “it’s dirty, you will get diseases, Don’t do it, don’t do it. ” And that’s set into your mind so that you think that sex is some type of an ugly thing…. Not the beautiful gift that God intended it to be.

We cannot dislike something that God says to “rejoice” in.

What does it say to your spouse if you dread that intimate time with them? It devalues them, it just says, “You’re not important to me.” And God wants us to enjoy it. If we do enjoy it, again, that’s going to be evident in every area, not just the physical. It flows and goes into every aspect of our relationship.

“The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”  Genesis 2:25

There is no shame in God’s game. No shame. So it’s for our enjoyment.

The next naked truth: S.E.X. is

eXclusive    Husband & Wife in the bond/commitment/ covenant of marriage.

God created sex for the context of marriage. He created it for us to be fruitful, to multiply, to enjoy it, but he also says it’s exclusive.  It’s a beautiful gift that God has given a man & woman in the unbreakable bond of marriage.  Jesus also affirms God’s plan from the beginning when asked about divorce, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Matthew 19: 4

A marriage ceremony unites a couple in the sight of man, Sex unites a couple in the sight of God.  Have you heard of the term, consummate the marriage?” In times past, a wedding ceremony occurred in a church, then it wasn’t official until “consummated” in a marriage bed.

It’s the issue of content and context. The content: sex. God says use the content (sex) in my context (the marriage bed). The result: You’ll achieve your destiny. We have have freedom of choice given to us by God.  We can chose to take the content and use it out of context.  But, the result will be chaos.

Sex is like a the fire place in your house- the fire goes in there and creates warmth and intimacy but if it gets out, it can cause untold hurt and damage.

Some say, “That’s what are condoms are for.” I would say there is no condom for a broken heart.  Sex is not just physical.  It’s emotional, relational and spiritual.  Sex unites physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually.

I hear some many people say, “Everybody is doing it. Come on, you must live under a rock!”  Well, no. I want to challenge you to know God’s purpose and plan for what He created.

Some think, “We need to test the waters because to make sure we are physically compatible.” I want to challenge you. You concern yourselves about the spiritual compatibility and God will take care of the physical compatibility.

He provides!   But some may think, “I know better than God. I’m the sexpert! ”

Niki have been married for almost 20 years. We dated for almost a year. We remained pure during our year of dating.  It was not easy because we are people like everybody else.  We set boundaries as we were dating to protect ourselves.  Can tell you that we did not test the waters of sex before marriage and God took care of it, OK? He took care of it!

Great sex is not about testing the waters prior to marriage. It’s about trusting God and He will take care of it.

And if you are a virgin and you’re thinking about sleeping in the bed before marriage, I would tell you categorically from Scripture and experience with so many people, don’t do it!

God forgives, but he does not remove the consequences. It’s ideal; it’s the best to give that gift to your spouse when you’re married.

Some may say, “OK, my virginity is in the past tense. Is there hope for me still?  Have I committed this unpardonable sin?”  No.

I have sexual baggage from my past.  Here’s what I have experienced and you can too!   When you give your heart to Jesus Christ, like I have He power-washes your life and forgives you.  And he takes on anything from your past that you’ve done, he takes it upon himself so that when we are standing before God, and God looks at our hearts, he sees Jesus. Not our sin, not our shame.

This passage illustrates this beautifully.

Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders will inherit the kingdom of God.  And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.   1 Corinthians 6:9-11

To be “Washed” means Christ washes away of my past.  To be “Sanctified” means Christ is growing me and changing me.  To be “Justified” means, when I stand before God, he see’s Jesus.  “Just-if-I’d”  Never sinned.  Isn’t that good new?!

That’s what Jesus did for me.  I hope you will let him do that for you.  Take back what the enemy has stolen! Sex is supernatural, enjoyable and exclusive.

Darrell

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

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A Choice of Movies this Valentine’s Weekend

Posted on February 13, 2015 by dkoop

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