Upwards Church

 Experiencing God’s forgiveness comes through confession and repentance.

 For I recognize my shameful deeds—they haunt me day and night. (Psalm 51:3)

 This psalm was David’s written confession to God after a particularly sinful episode in his life. David was truly sorry for his adultery with Bathsheba and for murdering her husband to cover it up. He knew that his actions had hurt many people. But because David repented of those sins, God mercifully forgave him. No sin is too great to be forgiven! Do you feel that you could never come close to God because you have done something terrible? God can and will forgive you of any sin. While God forgives us, however, he does not always erase the natural consequences of our sin—David’s life and family were never the same as a result of what he had done (see 2 Samuel 12:1-23).

  God consistently forgives us each time we ask in repentance.

 If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. (1 John 1:9)

 Confession is supposed to free us to enjoy fellowship with Christ. It should ease our consciences and remove our guilt. But some believers do not understand how it works. They feel so guilty that they confess the same sins over and over; then they wonder if they might have forgotten something. Others believe that God forgives them when they confess, but if they died with unconfessed sins, they would be forever lost. These believers do not understand that God wants to forgive us. He allowed his beloved Son to die just so he could pardon us. When we come to Christ, he forgives all the sins we have committed or will ever commit. We don’t need to confess the sins of the past all over again, and we don’t need to fear that God will reject us if we don’t keep our slate perfectly clean. Of course we should continue to confess our sins, but not because failure to do so will make us lose our salvation. Our relationship with Christ is secure. Instead, we should confess our sins so that we can enjoy peace and fellowship with Christ.

 May you receive the gift of God’s forgiveness.

 Darrell  

 Sources:  

Handbook of Bible Application
International Standard Bible Encyclopedia

New International Version of the Bible

We’ve all heard the cliché “Forgive and forget.” Isn’t that nice?  The only problem is it’s impossible to do.  Where we have gotten this notion is from the fact that God says he will do this:  “I will forgive and will remember their sins no more.”  Hebrews 8:12   God will do this in eternity for our sins (when we trust Christ for salvation).   God can forgive and not hold it against us but it is not possible for us.  We are not God.

 In the first place, you can’t try to forget anything.  When you’re trying to forget something, what are you focusing on?  The very thing you want to forget.  And whatever you focus on, you tend to move toward. 

 The truth is, your brain stores every single memory you’ve ever had.  Doctors, brain surgeons, scientists know that if they were to open up your brain and take a probe and stimulate a certain part, they can bring back every single memory you’ve ever had in vivid color.  Your brain does not forget anything.

 It can be pushed down from trauma.  It can be repressed.  It can be put in the deep recesses of your mind.  But your brain doesn’t really ever forget anything.  In fact, the best way to forget something is to replace it.  You can’t try to forget anything.  You have to try to put something in its place.

 Actually, there’s something better than forgetting.  This will take you to a new level of spiritual maturity.  It’s remembering but it’s also realizing that God can bring good even out of bad.  Even though this terrible thing happened and it hurt a lot, you now believe that God will turn it around and use it for good.  You can know that God will use you to help someone else in the same situation.  Romans 8:28 talks about how all things are not good – in fact, there’s a lot of bad in the world.  But with God “all things work together for good.” 

 This is the difference between forgetting and letting go.  You remember it, but you let it go.  The Bible talks about letting go of the pain, letting go of the hurt, letting go of the resentment, letting go of the bitterness, not holding on to it, but that’s not forgetting.  In fact, the more painful something has happened in your life, the more likely it is that you’re going to remember it. 

 Some people think, “When am I going to get to the point spiritually where I forget all those hurts?”  You’re not going to get there.  The key is not forgetting.  The key is learning to see it through the lens of grace and through the lens of God’s sovereignty and through the lens of how God can turn even bad things into good in your life.  So it’s not forgetting what’s happened, it is seeing it differently. 

 Darrell

 Sources:

Building My Life on Values that Last – Rick Warren

The Gift of Forgiveness – Charles Stanley

Forgiveness is not the same as restoring a relationship. 

 This is one of the most misunderstood concepts about forgiveness.  Some of you are afraid to forgive because you’re afraid you’re going to have to go back with that person.  And you’ll have to be their best friend again or you’ll have to remarry them or whatever.

Restoring relationship and forgiveness are two different things, the Bible teaches.  Forgiveness in some instances happens quickly based on decision.  Trust must be built over a long period of time.  The Bible says that those are two different things.  Forgiveness says, “I am releasing you.”  I will not take vengeance. But it doesn’t guarantee that the relationship will be restored.  Those are two different issues. 

So what is forgiveness?

Four Greek words, in the New Testament are used to express the concept of forgiveness:

There are two main terms:  one is a financial or accounting term.  If a  person is released from an obligation, such as a loan or debt, then that person is then forgiven.  What if your mortgage company called and said, “Congratulations you have been released from your obligation to pay out your debt!” That’s good news.

 The next concept is judicial term.  We hear of a judge that has “dismissed” the charges against a defendant. That person is then forgiven of any wrongdoing. 

 The other term means to “put aside” and the last term means to an means to “put away” 

 So the definintion of Forgiveness is  “to dismiss, to release, to let go.

 For Human Relationships to be Restored, three things need to occur that that are totally unrelated to forgiveness:

 1.   The person should demonstrate genuine repentance.  They have to show that they’re genuinely sorry before the relationship can be rebuilt.  Genuine repentance means a change in their lifestyle.  The word repentance means a change of mind, which then changes behavior.  This should be evident to restore a relationship.

 2.  They have to make restitution whenever possible for the damage done.  Restitution means to pay back or to make right to compensate for the damages.  Restitution needs to take place in a restored relationship

 3.  The offender must rebuild your trust by proving they have changed over time.   It is like being on parole. 

  “It is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.”  1 Corinthians 4:2   When the Bible says to put our trust in God this is huge but it’s based on God’s faithfulness.  For trust there must be something trustworthy to trust in.  It takes time.

 Those are totally different from forgiveness.  If somebody repeatedly wrongs you over and over – let’s say somebody in your family or work or a former friend or a former spouse – somebody who repeatedly hurts you over and over and over.  You’re obligated by God to forgive that person over and over and over.  But you are not obligated to trust that person or instantly restore the relationship.

 Example:  An abusive alcoholic spouse batters his wife or her husband and does it repeatedly over and over until finally the spouse says, “No more!  You’re harming me.  You’re harming the kids.  You’re out of here.”  And they come back and they say, “I’m so sorry.  I’m ashamed of what I’ve done.  Please forgive me.  Will you forgive me?”  You are obligated as a Christian to say, “Yes, I do forgive you.”  Then they say, “OK!  So I can come back home?”  That’s another story!  You have to prove the trust.

It takes more that forgiveness to build a relationship.  It takes trust.  And trust is built over time.  They say, “But wait!  You’ve forgiven me.  Can’t we just go back to the way things were?”  No.  Trust must be rebuilt.

 Next we’ll look at the last myth, “Forgiveness is forgetting what happened.’

 Darrell

 Sources:

Building My Life on Values that Last – Rick Warren

International Standard Bible Encyclopaedia, Electronic Database Copyright (c)1996 by Biblesoft) 

The Gift of Forgiveness – Charles Stanley

“Forgiveness is one of the most widely misunderstood doctrines of Scripture.”[i]  There are a lot of myths.   Let’s take a quick quiz to see you score on the topic.

Can you tell which of the following statements are true or false?

“If they don’t ask, I don’t forgive.”                                                               T or F

“To forgive I should minimize the offense & the pain caused.”               T or F

 “Forgiveness includes restored trust.”                                                         T or F  

  “If I haven’t forgotten, I haven’t forgiven.”                                                T or F

As I look at the Bible and what Jesus says, I’ve discovered that all four of those statements are false.

 FORGIVENESS, WHAT IT IS NOT…

• Bargaining

  Forgiveness is not “Let’s make a deal!” If you say to someone “I’ll forgive you if…” that’s not forgiveness.  That’s called bargaining.  Forgiveness is not based on somebody else’s response.  Real forgiveness is not earned.  It’s not deserved.  It’s not bargained for.  It’s not paid for.  It’s not based on some promise that you’ll never do it again.  “I forgive you if…” is not forgiveness at all.  Genuine forgiveness is unconditional. 

What if Jesus had said when He prayed, “Father forgive them if they ask for it.”  The truth is nobody had asked for it when Jesus prayed on the cross.  “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing.”  Genuine forgiveness is unconditional.  It is offered whether it’s ever asked for or not.  So he taught: “Forgive men when they sin against you” Matthew 6:14

• Minimizing grief.

  Forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense.  It’s not saying, “It’s not a big deal.”  Or “It’s OK.  It didn’t really hurt me.”  Or if somebody tries to ask forgiveness, you say, “Don’t worry about it.  It’s no big deal.  It didn’t hurt.”  That is not forgiveness.    “If anyone has caused grief, forgive him” 2 Corinthians 2:5

When you have a hurt or a grief, it is a big deal.  It is real so don’t dismiss it.

However, there is a difference between being “offended” and being hurt.  Those are two different things.  Being offended is over little things or something that may have been accidental.   It is my opinion, when you are offended, that does not require forgiveness.  Let face it some of us get offended pretty easy. You just need patience and acceptance at that.  But when you’re wronged, intentionally hurt by someone, that requires forgiveness.

For example, let’s say you don’t like the way I dress.  Maybe I offend your fashion consciousness.  I don’t need forgiveness I need help! Or maybe you don’t like the fact that I went to A&M.  It bothers you.  I don’t need your forgiveness.  I need your prayers! I haven’t really harmed you intentionally.  Forgiveness is reserved for the serious stuff, when you’re hurt intentionally or hurt as a result of selfishness or carelessness.   

When you are hurt by abuse of any kind, unfaithfulness lies, deceit or deception these are real and they hurt.  You have been wronged.  Don’t minimize these.  Forgiveness doesn’t either.  Forgiveness acknowledges the hurt and then releases the person. 

Next time we’ll look at the myth, “ Forgiveness restores a relationship without changes”

Darrell

Sources: