The Wedding Night: Song of Solomon 4:1-5:1 Commentary

Posted on February 23, 2022 by dkoop

In this passage we will see the Beauty of Sexual Love and God’s Response

The Beauty of the Bride (4:1-7)
4:1. The first to speak on their wedding night was Solomon and his words praised his bride’s beauty. Three times on the wedding night he told her she was beautiful. Women in the ancient Near East did not ordinarily wear a veil except at the time of their wedding, and then removed it in the wedding chamber. (This is why Rebekah immediately veiled herself when she learned the identity of Isaac, her husband-to-be, Gen. 24:65. It also explains why Laban was able to deceive Jacob with Leah on their wedding night, Gen. 29:19-25.) So Solomon, seeing her eyes behind her veil (cf. Song 4:3) said they were doves. Doves were known for their tranquility in the ancient world, and since one’s eyes are “windows of his soul” reflecting his character, Solomon was praising her calm and innocent character.

To say that her hair was like a flock of goats coming down Mount Gilead hardly sounds like a compliment, but it was. Seen from a distance the dark hair of Palestinian goats was beautiful in the sunset as a flock was descending from the mountains. The beloved’s dark hair had the same beautiful quality. Mount Gilead was a mountain range east of the Jordan River in Gilead, known for its fertile pastures and many flocks (cf. Micah 7:14).
4:2-3. Her teeth were white (like a flock of sheep just shorn) and perfectly matched (each has its twin). Her lips, being red and thin, were like a scarlet ribbon. “Ribbon” is literally “thread,” referring to the perfect outline and delicately formed shape of her lips. Her teeth and lips made her mouth beautiful. The beloved’s temples, probably including her cheeks, were reddish and sweet like pomegranate fruit.

4:4. The tower of David may have been the tower (cf. Neh. 3:25) of the king’s palace. This tower may have been built or used by David for military purposes, or it may have been built by Solomon and given David’s name. The custom of hanging shields on the tower was symbolic of the warriors’ allegiance to and valor for a particular king or country (cf. Ezek. 27:10-11). The warriors probably referred to David’s elite corps of men (2 Sam. 23:8-39). By comparing her neck to the tower Solomon was emphasizing not so much her neck’s symmetry and beauty as he was making a statement about her person. She didn’t hang her head in shame but held it upright and straight. She had confidence that he appreciated.

4:5. When the groom said his bride’s breasts were like… fawns he was comparing their softness, not their color or form. Looking on the soft coat of a little fawn makes a person want to stroke it. Solomon wanted his bride to know that her soft and gentle beauty had kindled his desire for her and he wished to express that desire with his caresses.

4:6. At this point Solomon was overcome with desire for his bride and resolved to fulfill her silent request. The mountain of myrrh and the hill of incense refer to the beloved’s breasts. The primary point of comparison was not in the visual area, but rather in the realms of function and value. Myrrh and incense were used to perfume the body as well as the bedroom in order to make a person and the surroundings more attractive. They would give their love to each other till the morning. Myrrh and incense (lit., “frankincense,” a balsamic gum that exudes from the wood of shrubs and trees of the genus Boswellia) were not native to Palestine. Both were luxury items that had to be imported at considerable cost. A mountain of myrrh or a hill of frankincense would have been greatly valued. To Solomon, therefore, his bride’s breasts were attractive and of great value to him.

4:7. Solomon summarized his praise by ascribing perfect beauty to his bride. She had no flaw, or physical defect. She was perfect in appearance. (Later she called him “my flawless one,” 5:2.) Solomon praised eight parts of his bride’s body: her eyes, hair, teeth, lips, mouth, temples, neck, and breasts.

Compared with this lavish praise of the beloved’s beauty, some wives today may feel uncomfortable about their own appearance. However, one must remember that initially the daughters of Jerusalem did not seem to regard the beloved as a beautiful woman. Unlike the other royal ladies she was not fair-skinned, a preeminent sign of beauty in the ancient world. Yet in her lover’s eyes she was beautiful, even though she did not meet the objective standards of beauty in her society. In other words, though few people in any age meet their own particular culture’s standard of beauty, a woman is beautiful in the eyes of her lover simply because he loves her. Every husband who genuinely loves his wife can say, “To me you are beautiful and there is no flaw in you.”
His total attention was focused on his bride and her beauty. The conclusion to be drawn from this is that sex, when enjoyed properly within marriage, draws attention from oneself to one’s mate, to his or her needs and pleasures. Second, the metaphors and imagery which Solomon used in praising his beloved were drawn from a pastoral setting: doves, goats, sheep, pomegranates, fawns, gazelles, mountains, hills. Solomon’s bride, having been raised in the country, understood and appreciated these images. Praise drawn from this well-known realm would have created a sense of peace and security in her on the anxious night when her new life began in new surroundings. Later (7:1-9) after she became accustomed to “royal” living, Solomon drew on royal imagery (as well as pastoral scenes) in praising her beauty.

4:8. The beloved may have lived in Lebanon near the mountains mentioned in this verse. Amana is the eastern part of the Anti-Lebanon range facing Damascus, and Senir and Hermon are two peaks in the Hermon range (though Deut. 3:9 speaks of Senir as a synonym for Hermon). However, it is unlikely that she lived by lions’ dens or haunts of… leopards. The lions and leopards may represent fearful places or circumstances. In other words Solomon was asking his bride to leave her thoughts of home and put her fears behind her in order to concentrate completely on him, as he had done for her. The fact that Solomon called her my bride five times (vv. 8-12) also confirms that chapter 4 depicts their wedding night.

The Praise of His Bride’s Love (4:9-11)
Apparently the bride granted Solomon’s request (v. 8) to turn all her attention to him, for in this section he praised her physical expression of love and its effect on him.

4:9. The words stolen my heart mean to be robbed of either one’s willpower or his ability to think clearly. The effect of his bride’s love was so powerful that even a glance from her beautiful eyes or even seeing an article of jewelry or clothing associated with her was enchanting to Solomon. Five times he called her his sister (4:9-10, 12; 5:1-2) because in the ancient Near East “sister” was an affectionate term for one’s wife.

4:10. Her physical expressions of love had a more refreshing and intoxicating effect on him than wine, just as his expressions had earlier affected her. Even her perfume added to the excitement of their love. The senses of sight, touch, smell, and sound were involved in their lovemaking.

4:11. The beloved gave herself freely with joy. She was not at all passive in their lovemaking. Her kisses were as desirable as milk and as sweet as honey. Milk and honey are combined here probably to allude to the fact that Canaan was a land of milk and honey. Just as the land, rich in agricultural prosperity, was a source of blessing and joy to the people, so her kisses were a source of joy to him. Besides applying perfume to herself she also applied it to her clothes. Lebanon, because of its cedar trees (1 Kings 5:6; Pss. 29:5; 92:12; 104:16; Isa. 2:13; 14:8; Hosea 14:5), was known for its fragrance (Hosea 14:6).

The Bride’s Purity (4:12-15)

4:12. The garden locked up… spring enclosed, and sealed fountain all suggest “inaccessibility.” The king was obviously praising his bride’s virginity. Gardens were walled to keep out intruders. Springs were sometimes covered, and fountains were sealed on the sides with clay to indicate private ownership. Similarly, she had kept herself “sealed” from all others, thus preserving her purity for her husband.

4:13-14. By extending the metaphor of the garden (begun in v. 12) Solomon conveyed to his beloved how much he valued her purity. She was like a rich exotic garden, with rare and valuable plant life. Such a garden was therefore valuable, attractive, and desirable. Included were fruits, flowers, plants, trees, and spices. Pomegranates (cf. v. 3) were a delicacy in Bible times. Henna is a flower with white blossoms. Nard is a fragrant ointment from a plant native to India (cf. Mark 14:3; John 12:3), and saffron is a powder from the pistils of a plant in the crocus family. Calamus (also mentioned in Isa. 43:24; Jer. 6:20; Ezek. 27:19) is possibly sweet cane. Other perfumes were cinnamon, from the bark of a tall tree, myrrh, and aloes, a plant native to an island in the Red (Reed) Sea, whose partially decayed wood gives off a fragrance. These items would make an unusual garden, valuable for its pleasant tastes, sights, and smells. Similarly Solomon valued his bride for her pleasing attractiveness.

4:15. This part of the metaphor contrasts with her inaccessibility as a garden and water in verse 12. The water is pure and wholesome, like flowing water streaming down from Lebanon (cf. “Lebanon” in vv. 8, 11), and is now accessible to Solomon. When the bride surrendered her virginity to her husband, she was no less pure for doing so. The progression from a garden fountain to a well to “water streaming down” indicates that his beloved more than quenched Solomon’s desire for her and fully satisfied him. As mountain streams are refreshing so she refreshed him.

The Consummation of  the Marriage (4:16-5:1)
4:16. The beloved’s request that the winds blow on her garden, that is, herself (cf. vv. 12, 15) was a delicate, poetically beautiful invitation to her lover to fully possess her (come into her). She wished to be his with her charms as available as fruit on a tree (cf. v. 13).

5:1. With exhilaration Solomon declared that their marriage was complete. He had totally enjoyed his garden , that is, his bride. Possessing her was more delightful than gathering myrrh in a garden, as sweet as eating honey, as enjoyable as drinking the best wine and milk.

The NIV margin attributes the last part of the verse, Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers, to the “friends” of the couple. However, it is unlikely that friends, wedding guests, or any other persons would have been present in the bedroom at the consummation of the couple’s marriage. A more plausible suggestion is that the speaker was God Himself. Only their Creator would have been a “guest” on that occasion. Since their love was from Him it was fitting that He approve it. He invited them to enjoy sexual love in marriage as if it were a banquet (“eat… and drink”). This clearly indicates God’s approval of marriage, which He designed in the Garden of Eden (cf. Gen. 2:24).

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Sources: Warren Wiersbe “Be Series,”  Life Application Bible Study Notes

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Song of Songs Commentary Ch. 2:7-3:11

Posted on February 23, 2022 by dkoop

Love is an Adventure. After the banquet, Solomon leaves and the Shulamite went back to her normal life, but her eyes and ears were always open as she anticipated his return. Then it happened! One day as she was in her brothers’ home, she heard his voice and saw him coming toward her bounding across every barrier that stood between him and his beloved. He stopped at the wall that protected the house and looked at her through the lattice window. Then he spoke to her and twice invited her to “come away!”

2:8-9. As Solomon approached his beloved’s home, she excitedly described him coming as a gazelle or a young stag  This emphasized his attractive appearance, strength, and agility. He approached the wall around her parents’ home and then peered through the lattice. He was anxious to see her.

2:10-13. Solomon, her lover, asked his darling to go for a walk in the countryside. At the beginning and ending of his invitation he said, Come with me . The elaborate description of spring was probably meant to do more than simply emphasize the beauty of the setting. It is likely that he was also describing their relationship. In a sense when one falls in love the feeling is like spring for everything seems fresh and new. The world is seen from a different perspective, which is how Solomon felt when he was with his beloved. Several statements refer to the beauty of spring: (1) The winter is past. The word for winter (set̠aw, used only here in the OT) refers to the cloudy season of March and April with the “latter” rains. (2) Flowers appear in the spring, adding delightful colors to the landscape, causing people to sing for joy. (3) Doves coo, “announcing” spring’s arrival. (4) Fig trees put forth their early fruit (cf. Nahum 3:12). The early figs were either those that had remained unripened on the trees from the previous summer and then ripened at the beginning of spring, or were small edible buds that appeared in March. (5) Grape vines blossom, giving off their fragrance just before the grapes appear.  Spring stimulates the senses of sight, sound, taste, and smell.

2:14. Another characteristic of genuine love is the desire to be alone with one’s lover. This desire seems to be easily experienced during courtship, but unfortunately it often fades in marriage. Yet if love is to grow a couple must find time to be alone. Doves hide in rock crevices, reluctant to leave. The lover likened his beloved to such a dove, hesitant to join him in the countryside. So again he urged her to leave her home and join him so he could enjoy her sweet-sounding voice and lovely face.

2:15. She was probably speaking poetically about their relationship rather than about literal foxes and vineyards. Foxes were noted for their destructive tendencies in crop fields, so her reference to those animals probably suggested metaphorically some problems in their relationship. The beloved was asking her lover to take the initiative in solving the problems that were potentially harmful to their relationship. “The foxes represent as many obstacles or temptations as have plagued lovers throughout the centuries. Perhaps it is the fox of uncontrolled desire which drives a wedge of guilt between a couple. Perhaps it is the fox of mistrust and jealousy which breaks the bond of love. Or it may be the fox of selfishness and pride which refuses to let one acknowledge his fault to another. Or it may be an unforgiving spirit which will not accept the apology of the other. These foxes have been ruining vineyards for years and the end of their work is not in sight” (S. Craig Glickman, A Song for Lovers, pp. 49-50). Even in ideal courtships and marriages most couples encounter some potentially destructive problems. Their willingness to solve them together is an evidence of their maturity.

2:16-17. Though they had some problems in their relationship, the beloved knew that her lover belonged to her and she belonged to him. They were committed to each other. She could rest in the shepherd-like quality of his love despite the struggles they shared. She said he browses (lit., “he pastures” his flock) among the lilies . Her thoughts of their mutual possession of each other naturally led to her desire for physical intimacy. So in her mind she invited him to turn (i.e., to her) with the strength and agility of a gazelle or… young stag. Rugged hills (hārê b̠āt̠er) is literally, “hills or mountains of separation or cleavage.” Some say this refers to actual mountains—perhaps “hills of Bether” (niv marg.), though the location of such a site is unknown.  It seems preferable to take this as a reference to her breasts, thus an inner longing that they consummate their marriage. If that is the meaning, then she wanted that intimacy to last during the night till the day breaks (lit., “breathes”) at dawn and the night shadows vanish. When their marriage was consummated they did this (see 4:5-6). As already stated, in expressing their love in their courtship, the beloved and her lover used restraint. Yet because of their deep love and commitment to each other they longed for their wedding day to come.

Fear of Losing Her Lover 

3:1-4.  Solomon returned to Jerusalem, leaving his beloved at her home in the country. The phrase All night long on my bed indicates that the experience she was describing took place in a dream. When a person loves another person deeply, it is natural to fear losing him or her. In her dream she lost her lover and sought to find him. The repeated expression the one my heart loves (once in each of these four verses) revealed the depth of her love for Solomon.

In her dream she went to a city (either a town near her home or Jerusalem) to look for him, but she was unsuccessful. She even asked the watchmen, men who guarded the city at night, if they had seen him. Apparently they had not. When she found him in her dream, she took him to her mother’s house, the most secure place she knew.

The Refrain (3:5)

This refrain marks the end of the section on the courtship (1:2-3:5) and the beginning of the wedding section (3:6-5:1). Perhaps the wedding was to be seen as a reward for patience on the beloved’s part.

 The Wedding (3:6-11)

Marriages in the ancient Near East were usually sanctioned through civil contracts rather than through religious ceremonies. Except for Proverbs 2:17 and Malachi 2:14 marriage covenants or contracts are not mentioned in the Old Testament. However, examples of Jewish civil marriage contracts have been found in the remains of the Jewish colony at Elephantine, Egypt dating back to the fifth century b.c. The marriage of Ruth and Boaz before a court of elders rather than before priestly officials (cf. Ruth 4:10-11) also illustrates the “civil” rather than religious character of wedding ceremonies. It is not surprising, therefore, to find that weddings took place not in the temple (or later in the synagogue), but rather in the couples’ homes.

A central feature of a wedding ceremony was a procession to the bride’s home led by the groom, who then escorted her back to their new residence. Next a wedding feast was given which lasted up to a week or even longer. Though the feast was prolonged the couple consummated their marriage on the first night. The wedding feast is not described in the Song of Songs but both the wedding procession (Song 3:6-11) and the wedding night (Song 4:1-5:1) are presented in some detail.

Song 3:6. The author spoke as a narrator in this verse, as if he were a spectator watching the approaching wedding procession, which was elaborate. What at first appeared in the distance to be a great column of smoke.  There was incense burning in front of the procession. The fact that the incense was made from all the spices of the merchant emphasizes the costly nature of this display. The myrrh added another fragrance to the procession.

The pomp and beauty of this procession were wholly appropriate in light of the event’s significance. The Scriptures teach that marriage is one of the most important events in a person’s life. Therefore it is fitting that the union of a couple be commemorated in a special way. The current practice of couples casually living together apart from the bonds of marriage demonstrates how unfashionable genuine commitment to another person has become in contemporary society. This violates the sanctity of marriage and is contrary to God’s standards of purity.

3:7-8. The 60 warriors accompanying Solomon’s carriage were friends of he groom. It was common for a groom’s friends to go with him in the wedding procession. But they were also the noblest and most experienced soldiers in Israel, probably Solomon’s royal bodyguard. David had a bodyguard (2 Sam. 23:23) and so possibly did Solomon. Since the caravan may have had to travel some distance (cf. “coming up from the desert,” Song 3:6, and note also the mention of Lebanon in 4:8, 15), the king was taking no chances with the safety of his bride. If bandits would appear at night and terrorize the bride, the soldiers were ready for them. The lesson is valid today for a would-be husband. He should give proper thought and planning to protect his bride. One form this takes is providing economic security for her.

3:9-11. Solomon’s carriage was made of the very best, that is, wood from Lebanon (possibly his bride’s homeland; cf. 4:8, 15). The carriage was adorned with the most expensive materials, silver… gold, and purple (representing royalty) fabric. Solomon offered his bride the best he had. And his love for her brought out the best in him. Others shared the couple’s joy by helping prepare for the procession (the daughters—female inhabitants—of Jerusalem helped make the interior of the carriage and did so gladly) and by watching it (look at King Solomon). In the procession he wore a crown. This was not his royal crown, but a crown… his mother (Bathsheba, 1 Kings 2:13) gave him; it probably depicted happiness more than royalty.

Next week, we will read about the couple’s wedding night as they have sex in Chapter 4.

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Sources:  Bible Exposition Commentary, Bible Knowledge Commentary, Life Application Study Notes

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Healthy Marriage – Song of Solomon 2:8 -3:11

Posted on February 15, 2022 by dkoop

Last week we began looking at the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament.  The Song of Solomon is a Cinderella story.  It’s a story about King Solomon and the girl he fell in love with who was a common laborer.  We read how they meet, date, court, marry, have sex, and fight.  This is a song of all songs.  It’s a song that was told in a couple different voices, her voice and his voice as they express their love towards one another.  It’s like snapshots throughout the book.  We are able to take those pictures and look at them and get principles for our relationships as they tell us about the different seasons in their relationship.

Today we are looking at “How to Have a Healthy Marriage.”

Too often after couples make their commitments, the romance and communication are reduced, we settle into the grind of life and the relationship can get boring.

The first principle for a Healthy Marriage from the Song of Songs is simply this,

  1. Quality Time Together

10 My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. 11 See! The winter is past…12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” Song of Songs 2:8-13

Solomon wants to go out on a walk.  The winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers are here. The season of singing has come.   Spring is here – life is abounding everywhere.  Just as springtime is a representation of life, so too, time together as a couple should produce life.  Twice he says, “come with me”  “Come with me!”  Lets spend time together, let’s do something.  Time is the most valuable resource I have and I am going to invest it in you!

Quality time together is not just for single people.  Too often what happens is that we get married, we exchange vows then the time spent together changes.  Guys are pursuers by nature.  We pursue.  We go after a prize. Then we win her and she takes the ring.  The prize is won!  Then we move on to the next thing.  We can’t stop spending time together.  We have to continue to have fun.  She needs to be pursued.  Ask most guys what the most creative date they’ve ever done is.  They will tell you it was the night they asked their wife to marry them.  It ends then.  “You know that time I asked her to marry me, forty years ago, that was awesome.”  She still needs to be pursued today.

 Niki and I set a time together each week.  Both of us take Thursday off and we will just spend the day together.  We may go see a movie, go eat somewhere, sometimes we will just stay in our pajamas and watch movies or read.    We turn off our phones.  That’s right, turn off your phone and spend time together.  Now, you may not have that much time, but take a night, one night a week, or a night every other week, drop off the kids at a baby sitter.  Or find a couple to trade off with, watch their kids while they go on a date, next week, they watch your kids while you go on a date.  We book it on our calendar.  We lock it in.  It’s in concrete.  It’s an appointment that I have that’s not movable.  That’s my time with Niki.  It’s important that we have quality time together.  It’s important for all couples.  Secondly we need a…

 2. Willingness to Solve Problems

14 My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

This woman is an innocent dove up in the cleft of the rocks giving the idea of being hidden from all who would cause harm. In a relationship between a male and female, there are hidden deep things that you will not share with anyone, but as your relationship deepens, it’s like the dove coming out of its cleft.   Leaving its protection to come out and fly.  This is what God has intended for marriage – to know the deep things of one another, to help each other to grow as one and ultimately to become one.  As we find out more there is the reality of differences of opinion, differences in feelings, male and female differences.  Conflict is normal!  Conflict will happen. We will look at this in depth in two weeks.  We have to be willing to face these differences.

15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. Song of Songs 2:14-15 (NIV)

Catch the foxes.  In Israel there were actual foxes that would make their way into the vineyards and cause destruction.  These little foxes were seldom more than 15 inches tall; and in digging their holes and passages, they loosen the soil so the vines do not grow.  They would also eat the blossoms; therefore, it would never bud to produce the fruit.   The fruit would never come to maturity because something would eat it.  This business of keeping foxes out of vineyards is more difficult than it sounds. Vineyards in Palestine were surrounded by stonewalls topped by a hedge. The families stayed in villages in the middle of the vineyards to protect them from wild animals. This demanded much perseverance; if the people failed to watch, the foxes would begin their work of destruction.  It’s the same in a relationship; unresolved conflict will destroy a relationship.

 Paul Myer says, “Ninety percent of all those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit.”   Have you quit trying?  God is a God of second chances.  If you are feeling, “I have allowed those little miserable foxes to destroy my vineyard that God has given me.”  The Bible tells us that God can restore what the locusts have eaten.  Jesus first miracle was turning water into wine.  He is in the business of recreating.  Recreating death into life, sinners to become righteous.  Don’t quit. Try a different approach and ask God to change you.   God is in the business of restoration.   If you are successful at catching or keeping the little foxes out of your vineyard  here is what takes place (v. 16-17)  “My beloved is mine”  I trust him, I belong to him, safety and security.   Its an environment to grow trust, admiration and passion.   That is how chapter two ends.

In Chapter 3, verse 6 the woman describes her wedding day.

6 Who is this coming up from the desert like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense made from all the spices of the merchant?
7 Look! It is Solomon’s carriage, escorted by sixty warriors, the noblest of Israel, 8 all of them wearing the sword, all experienced in battle, each with his sword at his side, prepared for the terrors of the night. 9 King Solomon made for himself the carriage; he made it of wood from Lebanon.
10 Its posts he made of silver, its base of gold. Its seat was upholstered with purple, its interior lovingly inlaid by the daughters of Jerusalem.
11 Come out, you daughters of Zion, and look at King Solomon wearing the crown, the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, the day his heart rejoiced. Song of Songs 3:6-11 (NIV)

Now you may read that and think, “Well, that’s interesting.”  That’s not exactly how you think of a wedding, but in the ancient world, they did it different.

Notice in chapter 3:6 she says, “Who is this that comes like a cloud of smoke out of the desert.”  I think that’s an interesting choice of words.  As you look back at the early chapters in the book of Exodus in the Bible, how did God led the people of Israel into the Promise Land?  As a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night.  This was very important in their culture.  They would talk about this.  It was part of who they were.  She’s saying, “Solomon, I see you coming.  You are coming as if you are being led by God himself to come and take me in this processional to be your wife.”  God was in charge.

 That’s what we do when we exchange vows.  Marriages are done by mostly by clergy: pastors, priests, rabbis or a justice of the peace who also is supposed to act on the behalf of God.  Vows are conducted before couple, before some witnesses but most importantly before God.

I think about all the couples that I’ve married over the years.   I do about 4-6 weddings a year on average.  As I stand at the altar and look into their eyes, there is love in their eyes.   Then at some point the conflict, differences and selfishness drive a wedge in the love.  Relationships get hard.  Relationships take work.  I have a news flash for you:  It’s not easy to be married.  It’s just not.  People think, and I’ve heard this all the time, if you are in a relationship with your soul mate, with the one and only, then it wont take any work.  When you look at a couple with a good marriage and it seems that the grass is greener with them, the truth that the grass is greener where you water and fertilize!

Too often we base our actions in a relationship on our feelings.  Feelings are fickle. Here’s what I propose to you…  your feelings can literally be shaped by your actions.    What were the things that you did when you had all those feelings of love and excitement?  Think back to it.  What did you do for her?  What did you do for him?  What were those actions?  Start doing those actions again.  Feelings can follow actions.  Do the actions like you are head over heels in love.

If you think, “That feels hypocritical.  If I feel like I don’t I love him/her as I used to, how am I supposed to get giddy about that?”    Here’s what you do:  You realize that you aren’t being hypocritical.  You are honoring the marriage vow that you already took.  The marriage vow was not a vow to say, “I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife when I feel like it.”  It was, “I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife.”  That’s an action that I’m going to involve myself in.  It can take your relationship to a whole new level.  Do the things that you would do when you were head over heels in love.  Feelings can follow actions.

We recently took time  to renew our vows for all of our married couples at the end of the message last week.   We gave each couple a certificate. Think through with me what those vows really mean and let’s learn how we can recapture some of those first feelings we had when we stood there and you were head over heels in love with this other individual.

We take these vows in sickness and in health.  We take them in prosperity and in need.  We take them till death do us part.  That’s a tough issue.  You look around our culture.  Over half of marriages end in divorce.  People who stood there and said till death do us part.  There are people who would tell you in their marriages and in their relationships when they stood beside that altar and lit the unity candle that what they didn’t know was they were actually lighting a time bomb.  It was just a matter of time before the thing went off in their lives.  I understand that it’s complicated.  I will tell you this; marriages are micro pictures of God’s desire of our relationship with him.  I think that’s one of the reasons why God’s ideal is for us to be in one relationship through the course of our lifetime.  So that’s the third aspect of a healthy marriage…

3  Lifetime Commitment

The Bible says God says in Malachi, “I hate divorce.”  I quickly want you to hear this.  It doesn’t say I hate divorced people.  Big difference there, isn’t it?  He says He hates divorce.  God hates what divorce does in people’s lives.  It rips families apart.  It rips homes apart.  I think most of us are in agreement with God on that point.  God wants marriage to be a picture of our relationship with Him.  That’s why you read through the Bible and God is the groom.  The church is the bride of Christ.  In Revelation 19:7, on the final day we will have a wedding celebration. They call it the “Wedding Celebration of the Lamb.”  We are going to be there together.  Our hearts are bound together.  God’s going to do it because He loves us and cares for us.

We take these vows, “till death do us part.”  While in our own earthly relationships, those vows don’t always remain.  Here is what’s true…no matter how well or poorly you’ve done in your relational past, there is one relationship that will not disappoint.  There is one relationship where He will always be faithful.  That is your relationship with God.  No matter where your relationships are today; whether they are going well or terribly, maybe you are barely hanging on.  I want to challenge you to get one relationship right before you leave.  All of us some day will die.  All of us will face that moment of death.  The promise of the Bible is that we can be in a relationship with God because He sent His son, Jesus Christ, who died for us, for our forgiveness and we can be with Him for eternity.  That is an awesome promise. It’s a picture of a marriage between God and His people.

I believe God can do more to help you and your relationship more than anything else I could offer you.  He can do more than a self-help book more than marriage principles, more than anything else to help you.  What I’ve learned is that when you grow like Christ and your spouse grows like Christ you will begin to grow closer together spiritually.

Next week is racy and steamy.   In chapter 4 the couple enjoys their honey moon and we read as they have sex.   Until then!

Darrell

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Song of Solomon Commentary Ch 1:1-2:7

Posted on February 15, 2022 by dkoop

1:1. This verse identifies the author of the Song as Solomon. As Israel’s third king Solomon ruled from 971 to 931 b.c. Solomon was more gifted with literary skill than any other king of Israel for he wrote 3,000 proverbs and 1,005 songs (1 Kings 4:32). It is appropriate that a subject as wonderful as romantic love is described in sublime language by a competent human author, writing of course under the Holy Spirit’s inspiration. Interestingly, of the more than 1,000 songs Solomon wrote, only this one was designed by God to be included in the biblical canon. Solomon is mentioned by name in six other verses: Song of Songs 1:5; 3:7, 9, 11; 8:11-12.

The title Song of Songs offers a clue to the interpretation of the work. It is one song out of many songs. The reader therefore is not to view the work as a collection of songs but rather as one unified song. The words “Song of Songs” suggest the superlative, as in “most holy” (Ex. 29:37) which is literally, “holy of holies.” As a superlative the title may mean that this is the best of Solomon’s 1,005 songs or, more likely, that this is the best of all songs. In either case the Song sets before its readers a paradigm for romantic love in courtship and marriage.

The Courtship

Though this section (1:2-3:5) abounds with expressions of sexual desire, great sexual restraint is exercised by the lovers. However, after the wedding procession (3:6-11) there is a no sexual restraint in the Song. So this section points up the fact that in romantic courtship restraint in sexual intercourse ought to be observed.

A. Introduction: The expressions of longing, insecurity, and praise (1:2-11)

1. The Theme of Longing (1:2-4)

The Song begins with a soliloquy by the beloved in which she first expressed her strong desire for her lover’s (Solomon’s) physical affection (kisses, 1:2). The rapid interchange between the third person (him, v. 2a, and his, vv. 2a, 4b) and the second person (your and you, vv. 2b-4a) is confusing to modern readers, but it was a regular feature of love poetry in the ancient Near East. This stylistic device gave a strong emotional quality to the poetry. When she spoke of his love (v. 2b) she was referring to the physical expressions of his love (the Heb. word for “love” is the pl. dōd̠m, also used in 4:10). The statement your love is more delightful than wine means that his physical affections were exhilarating, refreshing, and a great source of joy (cf. 1:4).

The pleasing aroma of his perfumes made him even more attractive to her. Mention of perfumes led her to compare his name to perfume. A person’s name represented his character or reputation (cf. 2 Sam. 7:9). So comparing Solomon’s name to perfume meant that his character was pleasing and attractive to the beloved. For this reason, she said, many were attracted to him.

The statement the king (cf. Song 1:12; 3:9, 11; 7:5) has brought me into his chambers may be rendered as a request: “May the king bring me into his chambers.” In this sense she was expressing her desire for intimacy and marriage with the lover. This matches the first part of 1:4, Take me away with you. In summary, this opening soliloquy suggests that physical desire is a characteristic of romantic love and that properly channeled the desire is good, not evil. One ought to be “intoxicated” with love for one’s own mate (cf. Prov. 5:18-19), rather than with wine, drugs, or other people. However, the choice of a marriage partner should be based on far more than purely physical considerations. The beloved’s speech indicates that the character (“name”) of a person is vitally important in the selection of one’s spouse.

Speakers in the Song of Solomon
The beloved Friends of the beloved Solomon 

(the lover)

 God The beloved’s brothers
1:2-4a 1:4b
1:4c-7 1:8
1:9-10
1:11
1:12-14 1:15
1:16-2:1 2:2
2:3-13 2:14
2:15-3:11 4:1-15
4:16 5:1a-d 5:1e
5:2-8 5:9
5:10-16 6:1
6:2-3 6:4-9
6:10
6:11-12 6:13a 6:13b-7:9a
7:9b-8:4 8:5a
8:5b-7 8:8-9
8:10-12 8:13
8:14

1:4b. The beloved’s “friends” elsewhere referred to as the “daughters of Jerusalem” (v. 5; 3:10; 5:8, 16) and “daughters of Zion” (3:11), spoke in 1:4b. Many suggestions have been given concerning the identity of the “daughters of Jerusalem,” such as female wedding guests, ladies of the royal court, concubines in the royal harem. Most likely they refer to the female inhabitants of Jerusalem.

2. The Theme of Insecurity (1:5-8)

1:5-6. The beloved’s suntanned appearance (dark am I) revealed that she worked in the fields. This made her feel insecure (do not stare at me) among the city dwellers and in particular the women of Jerusalem. She compared her dark skin to the tents of Kedar, which were made of black goats’ hair. The people of Kedar were nomads in northern Arabia who descended from Ishmael (Gen. 25:13). They were known for their archery (Isa. 21:16-17) and flocks (Isa. 60:7; Jer. 49:28-29; Ezek. 27:21; also see Ps. 120:5; Isa. 42:11; Jer. 2:10). Apparently the tent curtains of Solomon were also black.

Her explanation for her dark appearance was almost an apology. Because of hard outdoor work in the vineyards, required of her by her brothers, she was forced to neglect the cultivation of her own vineyard, that is, herself and her appearance (cf. Song 8:12).

1:7. The beloved’s feelings of insecurity helped arouse in her a desire for her lover’s presence. She addressed him as though he were a shepherd (a common epithet for a man in ancient Near Eastern love poetry). The verse is either a soliloquy (assuming the lover is absent) or, if he is present, a request for a meeting later in the day. If she could not be with him she said she would be like a veiled woman. This enigmatic expression means either that she would be mistaken for a prostitute (cf. Gen. 38:14-15)

1:8. The reply in this verse is usually credited to the lover since he was addressed in the preceding question (v. 7). If Solomon is the speaker then the verse is probably a playful or teasing response. However, the verse seems too cold and distant in tone for Solomon. So it may be a disdainful reply by the friends: “If you, of all people, do not know where he is, go to the other shepherds where you really belong anyway” (graze your young goats).

3. The Theme of Praise (1:9-11)

1:9-11. The answer to the beloved’s feelings of insecurity (vv. 5-6) was the praise of her lover. Frequently he called her his darling (vv. 9, 15; 2:2, 10, 13; 4:1, 7; 5:2; 6:4). In ancient Arabic poetry, women were sometimes compared to horses as objects of beauty, but the reference in 1:9 is probably more specific. The words a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh is literally, “a mare among the chariots of Pharaoh.” Stallions, not mares, were used to pull chariots in antiquity. A mare, therefore, among the chariots might well start a chaotic experience. The point of the comparison is that in Solomon’s opinion she was as beautiful and sought after as if she were the only woman in a world full of men. When he further stated that she was beautiful with jewelry (earrings and necklaces, v. 10), the daughters of Jerusalem (we, v. 11) were forced to change their attitude of disdain (v. 6) and to agree with royal opinion. They even agreed to make her earrings. Verse 10 includes the first of numerous times in the book where he said she is beautiful (cf. v. 15 [twice]; 2:10, 13; 4:1 [twice], 7; 6:4; 7:1, 6). In summary, since the beloved had felt self-conscious about her appearance, the lover praised her physical beauty so that her detractors were forced to agree with him.

B. The growth of love and its intensity (1:12-2:7)

This section consists of a series of units in the progression of the lovers’ courtship. Their longing for and praise of each other expand and intensify, and the insecurity of the beloved is resolved. The first unit (1:12-2:6) records a growing intensity in desire, praise, and security. The refrain (2:7) is an appeal for patience since love cannot be forced.

1. Mutual Praise (1:12-2:6)

1:12-14. The beloved praised the king for his pleasing and attractive characteristics which were like perfume (cf. comments on v. 3) whose function was to attract rather than repel. He was constantly in her thoughts just as the smell of the myrrh (in her sachet around her neck) was constantly in her nostrils. Myrrh was a pleasant-smelling gum that exudes from small trees in Arabia. It is mentioned frequently in the Song of Songs (v. 13; 3:6; 4:6, 14; 5:1, 5 [twice], 13). All other men, compared with him, were like the desert. Among them he stood out like a beautiful cluster of flowers in a desert oasis. Henna (cf. 4:13) blossoms were white, and En Gedi was an oasis on the west coast of the Dead Sea. Earlier David had fled to En Gedi while running away from Saul (1 Sam. 23:29; 24:1).

1:15. The lover returned her praise by commending not only her beauty (beautiful occurs twice in this v.) but also her tranquil character. In antiquity doves (cf. 2:12, 14; 4:1; 5:2, 12; 6:9) were noted for their cleanliness and tranquility. “According to Rabbinic teaching, a bride who has beautiful eyes possesses a beautiful character; they are an index to her character” (S.M. Lehrman, “The Song of Songs,” in The Five Megilloth, p. 4).

1:16-17. Both of these verses may be seen as spoken by the beloved (rather than v. 16 by the beloved and v. 17 by the lover, as in the niv). Though she recognized his physical good looks (handsome) she was more taken by the charm of his personality (Oh, how charming!). The word “charming” means “pleasant” or “lovely” and the combination, handsome and pleasant, was as rare then as it is now. This is the first of about two dozen times she referred to him as my lover. The beams of cedars and the rafters made of firs probably do not refer to a literal building but figuratively to the pastoral setting in which they first met. This is also suggested by the verdant (green) bed (couch). The field where they fell in love and sat talking was green.

2:1. Here the beloved spoke of herself as a rose of Sharon, the fertile coastal region of Israel from Caesarea to Joppa. The Hebrew word for rose is ḥăb̠aṣṣelet̠. In Isaiah 35:1, its only other occurrence in the Old Testament, it is translated “crocus,” which may be the meaning here. It was a common meadow flower. The lily too was a common flower mentioned often in the Song of Songs (2:1-2, 16; 4:5; 5:13; 6:2-3; 7:2). Though in her humility she likened herself to common flowers of the field, her statement (2:1) reflects a significant contrast with her earlier self-consciousness (1:5-6). Her improvement probably was because of her lover’s praising her (1:9-10, 15).

2:2. The lover echoed his beloved’s newfound sense of worth by comparing her to a lily and all other women to thorns. He agreed that she was a lily (v. 1) but not just any lily! She was as unique among all others as a single lily would be among many thorns.

2:3-6. The beloved’s reciprocal praise of her lover was also expressed metaphorically. As an apple tree would be a delightful surprise in a forest so Solomon was a delightful and rare “find” among all the other men. He was unique, sweet, and fragrant.

The beloved’s praise of her lover reveals three aspects of romantic love that are important to women. First, she felt protected by him. Sitting in his shade was a metaphor for protection, not only in the Bible but also in the literature of the ancient Near East. She had worked in the sun (1:6) but now she enjoyed resting under his protection. Second, they cultivated the kind of relationship that allowed them to know each other intimately. The word taste expressed a knowledge of someone through intimate personal experience (cf. Ps. 34:8, “Taste and see that the Lord is good”). Third, the beloved appreciated the fact that Solomon let others see his love for her. As a banner (a military standard) was easily seen by the troops as they marched, so Solomon’s love for his beloved was easily seen by anyone who observed their relationship. He was not ashamed of her; instead he delighted in her and it was evident to others. One way he showed this was by taking her to his banquet hall (cf. “table” in Song 1:12) in the palace.

These three things—protection by her lover, intimacy with him, and obvious displays and expressions of love from him—are crucial factors that enable a woman to develop a sense of security and self-worth and thereby to enjoy a stable marriage.

The beloved had begun to experience these three things with Solomon during their courtship so it is no wonder that she became faint with love (2:5; cf. 5:8). The theme of lovesickness was common in ancient Near Eastern love poetry. So she expressed her desire for his strengthening and his embrace. She asks for Raisin cakes which were considered aphrodisiacs.

Since Song of Songs 2:5 is a request, verse 6 should probably be translated as a request also (“May his left arm be under my head, and may his right arm embrace me“) rather than a declarative statement.

2. The Refrain (2:7)

2:7. This refrain, spoken by the beloved to the daughter of Jerusalem means that sexual love cannot be forced or rushed but must be patiently waited for.  The very thought of being loved by so great a person left her faint, and she asked for apples and cakes of raisins so she could regain her strength. In 2:6, she anticipates the consummation of their marriage (“O that his left hand were under my head and his right hand embracing me!”), but she knows she must wait for the right time which is after her marriage.

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Sources:  Bible Exposition Commentary, Bible Knowledge Commentary, Life Application Study Notes

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