Knowing Your Needs as a Single

RelationshipsBeing a human being carries with it certain needs.  We have to face them single or married.   As an adult single, you may be struggling with seeing God’s purpose for singleness. You may have put your life on hold until Mr. Right or Miss Wonderful comes along. You say to yourself, “When I get married I’ll become serious about God,” or, “After I’m married I’ll look for a steady job and get out of debt.” “After marriage I’ll purchase a home.” So you are wandering aimlessly, waiting for something to happen.

There is the need for purpose.  God has a plan for your life and it doesn’t hinge on whether you’re married or not. You must see the importance of formulating a strong life-plan right now. Set realistic and specific personal goals. Some of those goals should be spiritual. It’s wise and necessary to forge ahead with life–to get established in the church and community, to move ahead with a career, to purchase a home. The Bible makes it clear that we are all to be watchful (1 Tim. 4:16), to make good use of our time (Eph. 5:16), to use our gifts for the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31). Seek opportunities for growth and service to Christ. Form and follow a clear and satisfying life-plan.

Another need is companionship or human contact. . Billy Graham once said that loneliness is the greatest problem facing humanity today. Two recent national surveys identified loneliness as the number one issue in singleness. It ranked ahead of managing time, for example, and sexual issues. You may be lonely because you’re in school or have long hours of employment or shyness or the untimely loss of a mate. Face your loneliness and do something about it. Don’t deny those feelings; acknowledge them, and take action.  God has given us the church, a healthy atmosphere where friendships can develop. Look for opportunities to connect with others through a Growth Group.

There is also a need for service, to be needed.  Singleness is not a good reason for inactivity or uninvolvement. As a child of God, you can be actively involved in your church and community. Connect with areas where you can serve–children’s, music, hospitality or teaching.  The Bible places no limits on what you can do in your church or the community.

Companionship, purpose, spirituality, service, and support are common needs. These do not require sex or a spouse.

Marriage was ordained by God starting in Genesis. But does that mean marriage is mandatory for every human being? No. Does that mean marriage is God’s will for everyone? No. To imply that, or to say that singles are incomplete, is to misunderstand the verse and to create guilt and anxiety in those who choose singleness. It also ignores the teachings of Paul and Jesus. (Click here, to see last post for more on this.)

Part of the problem has come from our misinterpretation of several scriptures such as

Genesis 2:18  “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

It was the state of having no other human in his life that was not good. Notice that God did not say that I will make a wife for him, he said I will make a helper suitable to him.

The Hebrew word “ezer” is a helper is never translated wife.

There is a need for help in life. God was not saying it is not good for Adam not to be married. He’s saying, its not good for Adam to not have some help in his life. It just so happened that Adam and Eve became husband and wife in their helping each other. That was a choice that was made for them.  It was also a choice of necessity, because God gave them the commandment to be fruitful and multiply. Well the earth is full and there is no need for every man and every woman to have to go out and multiply themselves

As a single, I shouldn’t confuse needing some help in my life, with needing a husband or a wife.

 You may only need some temporary help.  That is normal and OK.   But a husband or a wife is supposed to become a permanent fixture to your life.


 For more about the series, “Relationships, the Best Mess”  go to


About dkoop

Lead Pastor of Upwards Church: Leander & Jarrell, TX
This entry was posted in Relationships, the Best Mess. Bookmark the permalink.

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