Even if you are married, you need to know how to be single. Statistics tell us that during the average person’s life a significant portion of their life will be spent as a single typically the first 25 years of life is spent as a single and perhaps for the last 10-15 of their lives. Two D’s can quickly to bring you back to the state of being single. The D’s are death or divorce.
There are several myths about singleness. Some see the single state as a time to be carefree, wild, on the loose, the time to sow wild oats, and the time to have fun before having to settle down. Some see the single state as something to be avoided and escaped from. “‘Give me a husband or a wife, and give me one now! Any one will do.” Neither of these views are correct about what it is to be single in the eyes of God.
For centuries, marriage has been lifted up as the state of condition that every man and woman should aspire to, and anyone who does not marry has somehow failed to attain the utmost in life. The word of God teaches directly the opposite!
Jesus lived the most fulfilled and obedient life that ever was. Did you know that he was single? Yes Jesus upheld the institution of marriage, but Jesus had an even higher view of being single.
Jesus was single and encouraged it
Matthew 19:10-12 “The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word…the one who can accept this should accept it.”
Paul was single and encouraged it
1 Corinthians 7:1 “It is good for a man not to marry.”
1 Corinthians 7:8 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.”
1 Corinthians 7: 7 “I wish that all men were as I am (single).”
Singleness is a gift and has many advantages
1 Corinthians 7:32-34 “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs-how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world-how he can please his wife-and his interests are divided.”
Paul is saying you are free to get married if you want to, but know this, you will not be as available to serve God as you would if you were single. Marriage hinders spiritual development, because your interests are always divided.
You have someone else who has a claim on your body, on your time, on your behavior, on your interests, on your rest and your relaxation. You’ve got someone that can get on your nerves and you can’t tell them to leave or to get out! (not easily) You’ve got to put up with them. You wanted one, God says okay, now live in the roles that I’ve given you to live in.
A single person can come in from work, kick off her shoes and say that’s it, Lord it’s just you and me. I’m not going to do anything I don’t want to do. A married woman does not come home and do that especially if there are children around. She may be blessed to just say “Lord help!”
A lot of people think that if they get married then they really grow and become spiritual. Listen, marriage will hinder your walk with the Lord. You should never get married to get closer to God, because the Bible says the exact opposite thing is going to happen.
Marriage in the New Testament is presented as a state for those who are too weak to control their lust and passion.
“But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (I Cor. 7:9)
In other words “You bunch of wimps, if you lust, then you must marry!”
The Bible has never said that marriage is the Promised Land. Some have found it to be the greatest wilderness of all. Any person that cannot function as a single, is headed for a disaster in a marriage relationship. One does not get married in order to become mature or whole.
A pastor was visiting the fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage as part of the lesson. He asked the class, “What does God say about marriage?” Immediately one boy replied, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Marriage has never changed hearts -only Christ does that. The only thing marriage does by itself, is to give you some legal rights to properties and responsibilities and to give you the spiritual right to engage in sexual intercourse.
If you cannot be content as a single person in your life, and you think marriage is the only answer to loneliness your marriage will be hell.
Some will find these words hard to read. I think they are balanced and need to be thought about. What are your thoughts about being single?
For more about the series, “Relationships the Best Mess” go to www.RidgeFellowship.com