Drama Free Forgiveness: Why & How

Posted on September 21, 2015 by dkoop

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We all get hurt by others.  Un-forgiveness keeps the hurt alive and adds unnecessary drama.  It can control us as we replay the hurt back in our mind over and over. Often the person we are mad at has moved on but we hold on.  Un-forgiveness hurts us more by creating anger, rage, depression and sicknesses.  It’s been said that un-forgiveness is like you swallowing rat poison hoping it will kill the rat.  Learn to let go and let God deal with the other person.

Here’s Why: 

Forgiveness makes me like Christ  If we love someone the way Christ loves us, we will be willing to forgive. If we have experienced God’s grace, we will want to pass it on to others. And remember, grace is undeserved favor.

 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Because God has forgiven all our sins, we should not withhold forgiveness from others. Realizing how completely Christ has forgiven us should produce a free and generous attitude of forgiveness toward others.   How should we forgive someone? The way Christ has forgiven you.

*Remember Forgiveness is DIFFERENT than trust.  For more about this go here.

Forgiveness helps me.  In this day of constant lawsuits and incessant demands for legal rights, the Bible’s command sounds almost impossible. When someone hurts you deeply, instead of giving him what he deserves, we are to forgive him. Why forgive our enemies?

  1.  Forgiveness may break a cycle of retaliation.  If you return hurt for hurt, when does it end?  You could end up even more hurt in the long run.
  2.  It may make the enemy feel ashamed and change his or her ways.   It may even be possible for the relationship to change for the better.
  3. Even if your enemy never acknowledges their wrong, forgiving him or her will free you of a heavy load of bitterness.  It also means that you did what God asked of you.

19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”  Romans 12:19-20

By giving your enemy a drink, we’re not excusing their behavior. We’re forgiving them, and loving them in spite of their sins—just as Christ did for us.

Forgiveness goes both ways.

 If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Jesus gives a startling warning about forgiveness: if we refuse to forgive others, God will also refuse to forgive us. Why? Because when we don’t forgive others, we are denying our common ground as sinners in need of God’s forgiveness. God’s forgiveness of sin is not the direct result of our forgiving others, but it is based on our realizing what forgiveness means. It is easy to ask God for forgiveness, but difficult to grant it to others. Whenever we ask God to forgive us for sin, we should ask ourselves, “Have I forgiven the people who have wronged me?”

Here’s How: 

Pray for them.   It all starts with prayer.  Human intentions are not enough. Forgiveness takes God’s strength and presence to help you and them.  It’s been said, “you move toward what you pray for.”  As you pray for the person who hurt you, you will discover you are closer to God and your heart will begin to change toward the other person.

 …pray for those who mistreat you.   Luke 6:27

Respond with kind actions. If you find it difficult to feel forgiving of those who have hurt you, try responding with kind actions:

…Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you,  Luke 6:28

Wish them well, speak well of them, hope they are blessed, give them a helping hand. Send them a gift. Smile at them. Many times you will discover that right actions lead to right feelings.

Do not keep track of offenses.

 Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” (Matthew 18:21)

 The rabbis taught that people should forgive those who offend them—but only three times. Peter, trying to be especially generous, asked Jesus if seven (the “perfect” number) was enough times to forgive someone. But Jesus answered, “Seventy times seven,” meaning that we shouldn’t even keep track of how many times we forgive someone.

It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened (for more about that click here)  but choosing to not keep a running record.

I pray you can live Drama Free and with God’s help learn to forgive those who have hurt you.

Darrell

For more about the series Drama Free, go to www.ridgefellowship.com

Sources:
Handbook of Bible Application
International Standard Bible Encyclopedia
New International Version of the Bible
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Drama Free Finances

Posted on September 18, 2015 by dkoop

businesscard-3.5inx2in-h-frontDo you have drama with your Finances?  Many Americans do but in this blog and through our church we want to provide you resources to help.

Consider this:

  • 76% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck[1] (CNN Money).
  • The average American is spending $1.22 for every dollar they earn (Dave Ramsey)  The average American household’s credit card debt is $15,950.[2] (CNN Money)

Is that you?  If so, how do you Live Drama Free with your finances?

“Plan carefully and you will have plenty.  If you act too quickly, you will never have enough.”  Proverbs 21:5

Have you ever said,  “I just don’t know where all my money goes”?

It’s  a warning light that says to you need a financial plan to determine where your money is going instead of wondering where it went. God says that you need to have a financial plan.

Do you ever struggle with your kids at the store, because they want to buy everything? I have learned to tell them before I go in, “we are buying ___& ____ and that’s it!’   As parents it’s our job to teach our kids they can’t have everything.  Let me ask you, what can stop adults from trying to buy everything?  Its like we need someone to slap us on the hand to say, “No!  You can’t buy that!”  Who does that for adults?  I’ll tell you.  It’s a spending plan.    How do you break the habit of impulsive buying?  You have to nip it in the budget!  A budget is simply planning your spending.

Do you have a plan to get out of debt? Its so easy to get in debt these days but how will you get out?

We are excited to offer the following resources:

  • Downloadable Spending Plans(Budgets) to choose from several on this blog, click here
  • Financial Peace University: We are excited to announce at The Ridge we are offering Dave Ramsay’s Financial Peace this semester in our Growth Groups!  Financial Peace is 9 week DVD format with a work book led by an FPU alumni that will walk you through how to budget,  how to get out of debt, how to save, and how to plan for the future.   It meets on Thursday’s in Georgetown.  The class is free but the workbook has a cost.  Here are the dates: September 24, October 1, 8, 15, 29, November 5, 12, 19
  • To sign up for Financial Peace at The Ridge in Georgetown, click here.  Scroll down until you see “Dave Ramsay’s Financial Peace”
  • For more information about Dave Ramsay or to purchase group material, click here.
  • Free Financial Counseling.  Just mark on your Connection Card in any Sunday Service and someone will contact you to help you go over a budget, develop a plan to get out of debt or whatever needs you may have.

I’m excited about what God will do in people’s finances this fall.

Darrell

For more about our Drama Free Series or Fall Growth Groups go to

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

[1] http://money.cnn.com/2013/06/24/pf/emergency-savings

[2] http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/money101/lesson9

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Drama Free

Posted on September 9, 2015 by dkoop

businesscard-3.5inx2in-h-frontDrama is a drain and a pain.

Not “drama” as in movies and TV shows that are heavy emotionally, but rather “drama” as in the petty ridiculous unimportant events or feelings that get blown way out of proportion for no reason at all.

Urban Dictionary has my favorite definition of this kind of drama: “making a big deal over something unnecessarily.”

We’d like to believe that petty social drama ends the day we leave middle school, but sadly, this is not the case. No matter how old they are, people can still find ways of adding unnecessary conflict to their relationships, work, at home, or with friends.

This is truly a shame, because drama increases stress, ruins relationships, and eats away at that one precious commodity none of us can afford to waste: time.

If you want to stress less, have better relationships, and make the most of the limited time you have on earth, I would highly suggest you eliminate as much of the drama from your life as you can.   It’s why we’re doing a series called Drama Free. Here are 7 things you can do to live “drama free”:

  1. Act Your Wage

$15.706 is the average credit card debt per household today. 76% of American’s live pay check to pay check. 40% spend 110% of their income.  It’s why we offer free Financial Counseling at the Ridge.  Just mark it on your Connection Card. We have counselors who will come to your house and help you develop a spending plan (budget) as well as help you get out of debt and give. If you want to really get crazy then sign up for our Financial Peace Class offered by Dave Ramsey.  It meets on Thursday’s in Georgetown from 6:30-8:30 for nine weeks. Here’s a link for more information.   You’ll get out of debt, live by a plan, save and have drama free finances.

  1. Forgive

We all get hurt by others.  Un-forgiveness keeps the hurt alive and adds unnecessary drama.  It can control us as we replay the hurt back in our mind over and over. Often the person we are mad at has moved on but we hold on.  Un-forgiveness hurts us more by creating anger, rage, depression and sicknesses.  It’s been said that un-forgiveness is like you swallowing rat poison hoping it will kill the rat.  Learn to let go and let God deal with the other person.

  1. Keep Your Spouse a Priority

If you are married you have been given a gift.  You will become “one” with the other person according to the scriptures.  There are many good things that try to divide a couple such as work, kids, family, hobbies or other people.  Good can be enemy of the best. Ann Landers said, “Neglect the rest of the world if you have to but never neglect each other”  A bad marriage is full of drama, learn to make your spouse a priority.

  1. Give your Kids Exactly what they Need

Kids crave engaged parents, boundaries and meaning not stuff.  Instead of buying them off or keeping them and you so busy that you all go crazy, learn Godly principles of parenting such as accepting their uniqueness, affirming their value without losing yours, entrusting them with responsibility, correcting them without condemnation and loving them unconditionally.  We’ll look at each of these biblical principles of parenting in detail.

  1. Remember Church is About Christ and Redemption, not all the other junk we bring in.

Church is messy because it has people in it. If you find the perfect church, don’t join it or you’ll ruin it.   Yes the church is full of hypocrites, come on in!  There’s room for one more.  Thankfully as imperfect people we have a perfect savior.  He loves us, died for us and will change our lives.  As Christ followers, we’re just starving beggars who found bread and are showing others where to find it.  Church turns people off by the drama people bring in that has no place, things such as not dealing with conflict properly, politics, condemning some sins but not others and judging those outside of church.  Learn how to leave the drama out of church and then experience the greatest force for good on this planet!

  1. Social Media not the place to lose reality, or get discontented with your life.

Many people filter their communication, edit their pictures and portray only the high points in their seemingly wonderful life.  We may not see the real person in a social media feed who has struggles just like you.  Our church is a place where we encourage transparency. None of us have it all together.  Learn to appreciate the ups and downs of life, be real and not be overly discontented with what’s on social media.

  1. Conflict is Normal and Healthy.  Learn to deal with it properly.

On the other side of conflict is greater understanding.  Conflict reveals points of growth and improvement.  We learn to communicate better, express our needs and share our concerns, hurts and frustrations. Learn to deal with conflict in a healthy way and improve your relationships, we’ll show you how.

You may never be able to eliminate all the drama from your life, but with just a little bit of focus, discipline and with God’s help you can certainly minimize how much you have in your life. As a church, that’s what we’re doing together. It’s well worth doing – the less drama you have in your life, the more room you have for fun, joy and great relationships!

I hope you can join us for our series, Drama Free.  I’m really excited about it!

Darrell

www.RidgeFellowship.com

Sources:
https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/credit-card-data/average-credit-card-debt-household/

http://money.cnn.com/2013/06/24/pf/emergency-savings/

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The Life Saving Station

Posted on July 26, 2015 by dkoop
God on Film RidgeOn a dangerous seacoast where shipwrecks often occur, there was once a crude little lifesaving station. The building was no more than a hut, and there was only one boat; but the few devoted members kept a constant watch over the sea. With no thought for themselves, they went out day and night, tirelessly searching for the lost. Some of those who were saved, and various others in the surrounding area, wanted to be associated with the station and give their time, money, and effort to support the work. New boats were bought and new crews trained. The little lifesaving station grew.

Some of these new members of the lifesaving station were unhappy that the building was so crude and poorly equipped. They felt that a more comfortable place should be provided as the first refuge of those who were saved from the sea. They replaced the emergency cots with beds and put better furniture in the enlarged building. Now the lifesaving station became a popular gathering place for its members, and they decorated it beautifully and furnished it exquisitely because they used it as sort of a club. Fewer members were now interested in going to sea on lifesaving missions, so they hired lifeboat crews to do this work. The lifesaving motif still prevailed in this club’s decoration, and there was a memorial lifeboat in the room where the club initiations were held.

About this time a large ship was wrecked off the coast, and the hired crews brought in boatloads of cold, wet, half-drowned people. They were dirty and sick, and some of them were foreigners. The beautiful new club was in chaos. Immediately, the property committee hired someone to rig up a shower house outside the club, where victims of shipwrecks could be cleaned up before coming inside.

At the next meeting, there was a split in the club membership. Most of the members wanted to stop the club’s lifesaving activities because they felt they were unpleasant and a hindrance to the normal social life of the club. A small number of members insisted upon lifesaving as their primary purpose and pointed out that they were still called a lifesaving station. The small group’s members were voted down and told that if they wanted to save lives, they could begin their own lifesaving station down the coast.

They did.

As the years went by, however, the new station experienced the same changes that had occurred in the old station. It evolved into a club, and yet another lifesaving station was founded. History continued to repeat itself, and if you visit that seacoast today, you will find a number of exclusive clubs along that shore.

Shipwrecks are frequent in those waters, but most of the passengers drown.

  
As disciples of Jesus, our primary task is to go and make disciples. (See Matthew 28:19.)  To put it another way, we are to go and save lives. It was Jesus primary mission:  “I came to seek and the save the lost” and he made it our mission as well. Unfortunately, we sometimes forget our purpose. We need to recover our passion for lifesaving.  

www.RidgeFellowship.com

Source:  Youth Specialties, Hot Illustrations 1.0
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