How to Know If You’re Ready to Have Kids

RelationshipsMESS TEST
Smear peanut butter and jelly on your coffee table. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs (or you may substitute roofing tacks).
Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a
child at night.

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or
damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag
making sure that all the arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from
the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls
of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an
airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of
sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum
with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for
10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever
heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a. m.
Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 4
years. Look cheerful.

AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a mini van. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone
and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

FINANCIAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drugstore. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the
clerk to help himself. Now proceed to Walmart.  Go to the
head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to
the store.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers!

For more about Relationships the Best Mess go to www.RidgeFellowship.com

 

 

About dkoop

Lead Pastor of Upwards Church: Leander, Jarrell & Taylor, TX
This entry was posted in Relationships, the Best Mess. Bookmark the permalink.

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