THE MEN’S THESAURUS (men don’t always say what they mean) – excerpts:

When a man says “UH HUH, SURE HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR”
He means: Absolutely nothing – It’s a conditioned response.

When a man says ’’IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
He means: “I have no idea how it works”

When a man says “TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD’’
He means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner”

When a man says “YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
He means: ” I can remember the last five Superbowl, NBA, World Series and the License plates of every car I ever owned – but I forgot your birthday”

When a man says ’I CAN’T FIND IT.’’
He means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless”

When a man says “I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.’’
He means:  “No one will ever see us alive again.”

THE WOMEN’S THESAURUS

When a woman says: “IT’S A GIRL THING”

She means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical”

When a woman says, “DOES THIS OUTFIT MAKE ME LOOK FAT?

She means, “This is is trick question!  You better answer no or you’ll be on the couch for a month!”

When a woman says, I HAVE PMS

She means,  “I have Pissed At Men Syndrome”

When a woman says, “NOTHING’S WRONG.

She means,  “Everything’s Wrong! I’m very mad!

When a woman says, “SURE, GO AHEAD, HONEY’

She means, “I dare you!”

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