Drama Free Kids Part 4 -Discipline & Love

Posted on October 11, 2015 by dkoop

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One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” she asks. Her mother replies, “Well, every time you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thinks about this awhile, then asks, “So that’s why ALL of Grandma’s hairs are white?”

The next aspect of parenting that is like God’s action towards us is to…

Correct Without Condemning

We all need correction at times because none of us is perfect. The Bible tells us that God does this with us.  He corrects us. Hebrews 10:6 says ““The Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”  Hebrews 12:6

It’s important you understand the difference between discipline(correction) and condemnation. God never condemns his children.  He disciplines them.  All the Condemnation for your sins was taken on one person, Jesus Christ on the cross.  All the Condemnation for every wrong you will ever do and every wrong your kids will ever do has already been taken on the cross.  That’s why the Bible says in Romans 8:1 “There is now no condemnation  for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  God does not punish his children.  He does discipline them.

Discipline is a loving thing.  God disciplines.

If I don’t discipline my kids it means the Bible says it means two things:

a. I don’t care enough.  Proverbs 13:24 ““He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”  Refusing to take the time to discipline our children is evidence of a lack of love in our heart.  We don’t think of it that way.  Sometimes we’re just tired.  “I’m too tired; I can’t fight another battle today.”  That reveals we’re not caring enough about the child.  We’re putting our needs ahead of theirs.  We need to take the time to discipline our kids.

b. I’m willing to participate in their destruction  Proverbs 19:18 ““Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”  It means I’m willing to set them up for failure.  If I don’t take the time to correct my kids, if I don’t teach them new habits, if I don’t teach them the right way to behave, the right way to think, I’m actually setting them up to fail and be destroyed.

What is the difference between Condemnation and Correction (discipline)?

The purpose of  Condemnation is to inflict penalty, long term. — I want to penalize you for what you’ve done wrong — looking backwards

The purpose of Correction Discipline is to promote growth.  I want to correct you, train you, make you better.

The focus of Condemnation is on the past.

The focus of Correction Discipline is on the future.  You did wrong in the past and you’re going to be punished for it.  I want you to do right in the future, you’re going to be disciplined for it.

The attitude of the parent in Condemnation is anger.  We punish out of anger.  I’m angry at you!

The attitude behind correction discipline is love:  I want you to make it in this world!  The Bible says that God punishes the wicked that reject Him but He disciplines His own children.  I don’t spank the neighbor’s kids!  And God doesn’t mess with the devil’s kids, but He does discipline His own children.  Sometimes we get spanked!  Spanking is Biblical.  The Bible clearly teaches spanking.  God uniquely designed little bodies that there is a certain area with extra padding so no long term damage can take place there.  But you don’t discipline in anger; you discipline in love.

What’s the result?  The result of Condemnation is always fear, guilt and more anger.

The result of discipline is security.  I feel security because I know there are parameters and boundaries in my life.

How do you do it?  How can we correct them in a way without condemning them?

  1.   Don’t correct in anger.       “A fool gives full vent to his anger”  Proverbs 29:11  Honestly, when I’m frustrated and angry with my kids, it feels good to let out that frustration.  It feels good to jump all over them and get in their face.  I’m mad.  I’m angry.  I’m frustrated with what they’ve done.  So there’s actually a release for me of my frustration.  To do that is a instant solution.  I get instant cooperation and obedience but it does nothing for the long term problem and it actually strains the relationship between me and my kids.  It’s the wrong thing to do.  This is a weakness in me.

2.   Watch your words.  Ephesians 4:29  “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but  only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” Harmful words create hurtful memories.  Those words that belittle our weaknesses and our faults and our failings, those words that are spoken in anger are like knives in the heart.

Ultimately a child who feels unloved will get angry.  And an angry child will not respond in a positive way to any kind of discipline.  If we want our kids to respond to our discipline, we have to start with something even more basic than that.

Love Them Unconditionally 

Next to pointing our kids to God, I think the next most important thing we can do is to teach them that God loves them unconditionally.  Not only is He the source and the one we run to, our Savior, but He loves us unconditionally.  And we love them too.  “You’re loved, not because you earned it or deserve it or are good enough, but you’re loved by this family because God put you in this family and you are loved.”  Most of us have a really hard time with that.  Even though we talk about grace and about God’s unconditional love and we say we know what that’s like, because we haven’t received it in the very core of our being the depth of the love God has for us, we aren’t very good at giving it out to the people in our family.  God wants us to spend some time with Him, letting Him love us, letting us understand how much we are loved and in turn give that unconditional love to our kids.

How can we show God’s unconditional love to our families?  Two practical ways:

  1. Forgive them as He has forgiven us. Forgive your kids in the same way He has forgiven you.  Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and loving to each other, forgiving each other just as God forgave you in Christ.”  I like God to forgive me.  It feels good.  I want God to forgive me.  I’m not always ready to give that same kind of forgiveness to other people.  Parenting requires massive doses of forgiveness.  You’re in a position all the time that you forgive your kids for things that they do.
  1. Never give up on your child. Believe in him even after he’s lit the fire in the neighborhood.  1 Corinthians 13:7.” “Love always hopes, always perseveres    We can face just about anything if we know somebody believes in us.  If we know somebody has faith in us, somebody thinks we’re great, somebody thinks we’re going to make it, you can hang on.  Families are to do that.  We’re to give that kind of love to our kids.

Romans 8 details all the things that cannot separate us from the love of God.  It’s unconditional.  It’s a forever bond with us. No stupid mistake on our part, no dumb decision, no period of rebellion, no overwhelming doubt, nothing can separate us from that forever bond with God, our Father.  As parents we are to develop that same kind of love for our kids.  No matter what stupid thing our kids do, no matter how many times they walk away, we believe in them.  We give them that unconditional kind of love.

The bottom line in parenting is this:  God wants you to treat your kids the way He treats you.

Today, you may be worried about your kids.  You may be frustrated about your kids.  You may be fearful about the direction one of them is going.  You may be discouraged.   You may have a broken heart.  You may feel like giving up sometimes.  Like the book, Where Does A Parent Go To Resign?  You don’t.  You can’t resign as a parent.  You signed on for life.

But if you try to parent in your own power, you’re going to fail. It takes God’s love.  Human love runs out.  There is a limit to how much you can handle.  There’s is a limit to how much you can take.  There are days and there are nights when you don’t have any more to give and you know it.

What you need to do is get plugged into God.  God is love.  He’s the source of all love.  When you’re plugged into Him, He’ll give you power and energy and love that you didn’t know you had.  In addition, He’ll give you the wisdom you need.  So no matter where you feel emotionally about your kids today, Jesus is ready to help.  He’s ready to step into the gap, anytime and any where. You just need to ask Him.

The key to becoming a great parent is to become a godly person. How?  First you invite Jesus Christ into your life.  “Lord, become the manager of my heart.”  Second, pray and say, “God, I need Your help daily.  I need the wisdom and the love and the patience to be a wise parent.”

Then you need to get the support of other parents. God didn’t meant for you to do the parenting responsibility all by yourself.  That’s why we have the family of the church.  Join a Growth Group with other parents.  Groups have helped Niki and I keep our sanity as we learn we all have similar struggles and to learn together.

I pray you will be the best parent you can be with God’s love and help.

www. RidgeFellowship.com

 

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Drama Free Kids Part 3 – Responsibility

Posted on October 9, 2015 by dkoop

businesscard-3.5inx2in-h-frontIn the last post we looked at the fact that although parenting is challenging, we can be hopeful as we learn how our heavenly Father relates to us.  We noted the importance of Affirming our Kid’s Value.  Next we’ll see that we need to…

Entrust Them with Responsibility 

Nothing brings out the best in people faster than having somebody believe in you and having somebody trust you with responsibility. Jesus pointed this out.  He said the way that we grow is by being given responsibility.

In Luke 16 He says this  “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much…And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?”  Wise leaders and parents know this principle.

People respond to responsibility.  Kids respond to responsibility.  We all need places where we can grow and be trusted and prove ourselves, develop and blossom.  One of the most important life skills is learning to accept responsibility.  The only way you can learn that life skill is by being given the opportunity to show responsibility.

The very first church I served in I was asked to be a youth pastor.  I knew little about ministry or youth work.  The pastor of that church  and the church said, we trust you.  So go for it.  Do whatever it takes to reach kids for Christ.”  With that, I went out and tried all kinds of stuff.  We reached many teenagers for Christ.  I learned some lessons that helped me today.  If I hadn’t had a guy to believe in me like that, some of those early lessons would have taken me many years to learn.  But because he gave me the room to grow, he gave me the room to try, room to make mistakes, I was able to blossom and to grow.

Jesus did this with His disciples.  He walked around with 3½ years with twelve guys.  Any psychologist would have told you that these twelve guys would have never gotten along or accomplished anything.  A bunch of fishermen, a tax collector (who was hated in those days), then Simon the Zealot.  He was like a religious terrorist, the PLO of that day.  He’d as soon stab a Roman in the back as anybody else.  And he’s on the same team as Matthew the tax collector who represents Rome.  These guys were just a bunch of misfits.  But Jesus developed them.  He trusted them.  He gave them responsibility.  One day He said, “I’m going back to heaven and I’m leaving the salvation of the world in your hands.”  Would you do that?

Obviously it worked.  We’re all here.  Because of those twelve — actually eleven because one was a traitor.  He knew what He was doing.  He trusted people with responsibility.

I like to ask older parents who may have had their kids leave the nest “What would you do differently?” because I’m trying to learn as a parent.  One of the things I’ve heard over and over from parents who’ve been through it all, they’d tell me, “If I had to do it over, I’d do less for my kids and I’d teach them to do more for themselves.”  Why?  Because there is a principle of life that goes like this.  When we take responsibility for someone, we take responsibility away from that someone.

Obviously, as a parent, when your kids are very young, you are totally responsible for every area of their life.  They don’t know how to feed themselves, clothe themselves, take a bath, anything.  But from the moment that child is born, you are weaning them from yourself.  The moment that child is born, you start the releasing process.  Your role is not to keep them dependent on you the rest of their life.  Your goal is to move them from total dependence upon you to independence to dependence upon God.  That’s the process you want to lead them through.

Part of bringing out the best in your kids involves allowing them to fail.  You must allow your kids to fail if you want to bring out the best in them.  Our tendency is to protect our kids from failure.  It’s natural.  We don’t want them to fail.  We want to protect them from mistakes.  We don’t want them to feel bad.  We don’t want them to have those negative feelings.  If they do fail we want to bail them out real quickly so they won’t suffer.

But what we’re doing is preventing them from learning a valuable lesson.  The truth is, in life everybody fails.  Nobody is good at everything.  The key is not, not failing in life.  It’s learning how to rebound from it, learning resiliency.  A totally unbroken string of successes is a character disaster.  They don’t know how to respond, rebound when they fail.  If you protect your children from all failure in life and when they do fail you immediately bail them out, you’re not letting them face the consequences of their stupid decisions, then when they get out in the world and experience real failure on their own, they’re devastated.  Kids who only have success in their life fear failure more than kids who have failed.  It’s good to have some early losses early in the season, so then you don’t have to keep up this “perfect game” syndrome throughout the whole season of life.

Overprotecting our children from failure is a form of rejection. When you don’t give kids the opportunity to fail, then what you do is basically say, “You’re not competent and I don’t trust you. You can’t handle it, so I’m going to do it for you because you’re not good enough.”  That keeps the kids dependent upon us.

The Bible says this in Galatians 6:5 “We are each responsible for our own actions.”  When your kids fail, don’t let them blame anybody else.  Why?  Because we must all learn we’re each responsible for our own actions.  That is a desperately needed truth today because we’re living in a nation of victims. Everybody is a victim today!  It’s all somebody else’s fault. Any problem in your life.  It’s the government’s fault, the environment’s fault, education’s fault, heredity’s fault, on and on.  But the Bible says we’re each responsible for our own conduct.

In the last post we’ll examine discipline and love.

http://www.RidgeFellowhship.com

 

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Drama Free Kids Part 1 – Uniqueness

Posted on October 7, 2015 by dkoop

businesscard-3.5inx2in-h-frontAn article in U.S. News and World Report, called  “The Real Cost of Raising Kids”.  reported with all the different figures and amounts, the total comes to $1,455,581.00! That’s a lot! If you have a daughter, she will cost 18% more which is about $1, 717, 586.

The financial costs of kids are high but the emotional costs are higher.  Parenting is an emotional roller coaster.  Up and down!  One minute you’re so proud of them you can hardly wait to hug them.  The next minute you want to ring their neck!

A number of years ago James Dobson wrote a book called Parenting Isn’t for Cowards.  I totally agree.  Nothing compares — no job, no career, can possibly compare to the awesome responsibility of raising a human being.   It is not by accident that the beginning of the parenting process is a thing called labor!  It’s tough being a parent.  Its on the job training.  The trouble with parenting is just about the time you get experienced at it, you’re unemployed.

I don’t want you to think I have this figured out.  I am a fellow struggler.  Before Niki and I got married, I had three great theories on parenting and no kids.  I now have three kids and no great theories on parenting.

Where do you go for help?  Who do you look to when you need help and advice on parenting?

There is only one parent who has ever been perfect in history. That’s your Heavenly Father.  Matthew 5:48 “Be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect.”  God is the model parent.  I know I can complicate parenting too much.  I believe you can be a great parent!  The simple secret– Treat your kids the way God treats you.

Let’s look at what God is like and then draw from that some applications for parenting:

Accept Their Uniqueness

I have to recognize and value my kid’s individuality.  Every single child in your family is different and unique.  They are not alike.  Even twins are not alike.

The Bible tells us that God intentionally makes everyone different.  The reason that God makes us all different is that the world would be incredibly boring if He made us all the same.

One of the tasks of parenting is helping your child or children realize that they are unique, that don’t have to compare themselves to anybody else, they don’t have to measure up to anybody else, they don’t have to be like anybody else, they are an original and God doesn’t intend for them to be a carbon copy.  They are unique.  Just like no two snowflakes are alike, no two people are alike.  They are not in competition with anybody else.

This is a very lt task for us as parents to teach our kids that they are unique because there are a competing pressure in the world:

The pressure of comparing.  In America, we have made comparing a science.  In this competitive environment, we compare everything — how we look, our clothes, our cars, our homes, our intelligence, our background, social and economic status, as if it really matters.  You are unique and nobody can be like you so why compare?

Like IQ test’s. We now know that there are many different kinds of intelligence, not just the kind that the IQ tests evaluate.  Some kids have artistic intelligence and they’re really good at some kind of art or music.  Others of us couldn’t carry a tune in a bag and can’t paint stick figures.  There are others that have numeric intelligence, they’re good with numbers.  Others of us can’t add six plus five!  Others have mechanical intelligence and they’re good at mechanical things.  Others have theoretical intelligence and they’re good at dealing with theory and abstract things.  Some people have innate relational intelligence.  They intuitively know how to relate to people.  They’re a jump ahead of the rest of us, socially.  They intuitively feel where people are coming from.

So when IQ tests simply judge one form of intelligence and leaves out the six or seven other kinds of intelligence that they have now identified, it’s just an arbitrary judgment.  The Bible says that since we are all unique, we should not compare ourselves. Galatians 6:4 “Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else.”  Don’t compare yourself to others; just be proud of what you yourself have done as an individual.

How can you tell, as a parent, when you’ve accepted your kid’s uniqueness?  Simple:  You stop insisting that they be like you. As parents, God made us in His image, and now we want to make our kids in our image.  So we say either overtly or covertly, “You need to be like me.  You need to think like I think.  You need to like the things that I like.  What I like, you should like.  The interests I have, you should have.  The hobbies I like, why aren’t you interested in these hobbies?  The things I was good at in school, you should be good at in school. The areas I was good at in athletic ability, you should be good at athletically.  Or even worse, You should be better.”  Parents pressure their kids to be Little Moms and Dads.  The message comes through loud and clear to the kids, I can’t be myself.  The only way I get love, acceptance, approval is to be like Mom/Dad. That’s what they’re expecting.

Our goal in parenting is not to mold kids into our image.  Our goal is to help them  discover what God made them to be, into His image.

One of the most misunderstood verses in the Bible is Proverbs 22:6 “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.”  They think it’s a promise and they think what it means is this:  If you raise your kid in a godly, spiritual way then they’ll always be a Christian.  Or, if you raise your kid in a Christian way, they may fall away for a while but they’ll eventually come back because God promises “Train us a child in the way he is old he will not turn from it.”  That’s not always true.

In the first place, this is not a promise.  This is a proverb. It comes from the book of Proverbs.  Proverbs are generalized statements about life that are generally true about life.  Secondly,  you need to understand what the phrase “way he should go.” It does not mean Christian doctrine or the Ten Commandments or the Christian way of life.  It means  his inborn temperament.  That’s what the Hebrew word means.  Your child’s inborn temperament, they natural bent, their style, the way they naturally go.  Some kids are naturally introverts and some kids are naturally extroverts.  You’re never going to turn an introvert into an extrovert no matter how hard you try.  You’re never going to take an extrovert and calm them down.   They’re wired by God that way.

The Bible says “train a child in his natural bent, in his shape, in his normal temperament, the way he was meant to be.”  If he was made to be an artist, you don’t force him to be a football player.  If he was made to be a musician, you don’t force him to be a doctor.  Understanding your children is very important.  God says your goal is not to force them into a mold.  The Amplified version of this verse says, “Train a child in keeping with his individual gift or bent.”

The world only needs one of you!  One of you is enough.  One of me is enough.  God doesn’t intend for one of my kids to be duplicates of me.  He has a whole different plan, goal, dream, desire for their life than He has for my life.  I need to understand that.

In God’s sovereignty, He chose to make your kids the way they are.  God wired them up in a way that you had nothing to do with.  You didn’t have any choice in picking out your kid’s natural bent or natural temperament.  God used your DNA and the DNA of your spouse but He chose which genes would be dominate, He chose which genes would be receptive, He made those kids just the way He made them — not like you but the way He wanted to make them when He uniquely decided to put them in your family.

When you look at your child and they’re acting in a way that is so foreign to you that you want to say, “What planet did you get off of?” you need to trust God’s wisdom and realize that God knew exactly what they needed and God knew exactly what you needed and put you together in what’s called a family.  You’ve got to trust God

The first step is to Accept them as God’s gift to you.  You cannot bring out the best iny your kids until you first accept their uniqueness.

In the next post we’ll look at Affirming our kids and showing them their value.

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

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Drama Free Church

Posted on October 7, 2015 by dkoop

businesscard-3.5inx2in-h-frontThe church has so much potential.  It was started by Jesus to change the world.  It will grow and it will last forever.  For more exciting things about the church, click here.

With all its great potential, we limit the church’s effectiveness by the drama we bring in.

Here are 4 things that, in my opinion, would help church become more effective.  For a Drama Free Church lets:

  1. Handle Conflict Correctly

The church should be the best in the world at handling conflict. We were taught by Jesus exactly how to do so.

15  “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16  But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17  If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.  Matthew 18:

Did you get that?  There are 3 clear steps Jesus gives us:

  1. Go PRIVATELY to the person who offended you. If they listen its WIN for everyone!

Yet we often side step. We talk about other people rather than to people.

We then cause more trouble by gossiping, backbiting and tearing others down which only makes our conflict worse as others are now involved!  There are always three sides to any conflict: your side, their side and the truth.  When you talk about someone to someone else, it’s not only wrong but is only ½ of the story.

2. Secondly from this passage, if they don’t listen initially then take someone else and go back to them. Since conflict resolution is so important, our staff and leaders are glad to sit down with parties in conflict and help them resolve it.  It’s the biblical thing to do.

3 It’s rare that our church leadership has meeting with a trouble maker who will not listen, so 99% of the time if we will follow the first two steps outlined by Jesus everything works out.

From personal experience in dealing with church conflict I would also add:

  1. Be courageous. Don’t be a coward.  Go to the person that offended you.  Don’t down play it, or hope it goes away.  I don’t like conflict any more than the next person.  I’ve had my share of cowardly experiences.   I’ve learned from mentors and my own failures to “Run to conflict not from it.”
  2. Be clear. There are times, when I’ll ask someone who is complaining about someone else. “Did you talk to them?” “Yes” is the answer. But what really happened was a very unclear conversation spoken around the real issue.  The offended person spoke in some kind of code, hoping the other person would pick it up.  They didn’t.  Be clear.
  3. Be honest. If you’re hurt, own it. If you’re offended, be honest.  Talking to others about a problem with someone else is wrong.  When someone comes to you to apologize for something they said or did because it got back to them.  Don’t say, “its no big deal.”  Be honest.

If we just handled conflict courageously, clearly and honestly we would be so much better.  It’s so important, we teach this in our membership class.

When we handle conflict in a healthy way, our church is healthy.

And a healthy church is a church that can help other people get healthy.

  1. Steer Clear of Politics

God is not a Republican or a Democrat, Conservative or Liberal, God is God.

Some act as if a political party is the savior of our nation.  No! Jesus is our savior.  Others act as if the savior of our nation is a political candidate.  Sorry, our savior is Jesus.   Some people want our church to be more vocal about politics.  We have our marching orders from Jesus and they do not include politics.

If our church becomes a mouthpiece for a political party, we cease to be the church.

The church is the bride of Christ and we will not prostitute her by involving ourselves in politics.

Why?  Here’s a tongue and cheek definition of “Politics.”  Poli means “many.”  Ticks are “blood sucking creatures.”  Why would we waste our time talking about a bunch of blood suckers?

Our job is to share the Gospel, not to change the government!

Jesus and Paul spend surprisingly little time trying to influence the government.   Jesus completely rejected the idea of becoming the government when people asked him to become their political leader.

Jesus spent about zero time asking the government to change during his ministry. In fact, when he appeared before the Roman governor and was asked about being a king, he replied that his Kingdom is not of this world.

The Apostle Paul appeared before government officials regularly. Not once did he ask them to change the laws of the land.

He did, however, invite government officials to have Jesus personally change them.

Paul constantly suffered at the hands of the authorities, ultimately dying under their power, but like Jesus, didn’t look to them for change.

Rather than asking the government to release him from prison, he wrote letters from prison talking about the love of Jesus Christ.

Instead of looking to the government for help, Paul and Jesus looked to God.

None of us in the West are suffering nearly as radically as Jesus and Paul suffered at the hands of a government. In fact, in the US, our government protects our freedom to assemble and even disagree with others. Plus, it gives us tax breaks for donations.

We honestly don’t have it that hard.  Why are we that set on trying to change policies or laws?  Politics is downstream in its ability to truly change anything.  As a church we are upstream: we change hearts with Jesus which changes lives, which changes families, which changes history and legacies!

What can we do for the government and it’s leaders?

2  Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity. 3  This is good and pleases God our Savior, 4  who wants everyone to be saved and to understand the truth. 1 Timothy 2:1-4

  1. Stop Condemning Some Sins While Ignoring Others

As people that have come to know Jesus for a while, we can become comfortable with all the grace we have received.  If we are not careful we may think we have “arrived” and begin to focus on the moral failings of others while ignoring our own.  Since our mission is to KNOW Christ and GROW to be like Him, that means we have not arrived but will continue to be grateful for what Christ has done for us and continue to GROW by serving others, praying for others and giving generously.

Some pretend that the worst sin you can commit is sexual, or drunkenness or something else we now have victory over.  Don’t get me wrong—these have serious implications.

But so does gossip, divisiveness, gluttony and laziness—sins we routinely ignore. Mostly because we commit them.

I think that just as many congregations have been ruined by gossip, divisiveness and laziness as have been stained by sexual sin or drunkenness.  But you’d never know it given the way we talk about sin.

I’m all for surrendering our sexuality or heavy drinking habits to Christ. But I’m also all for submitting our tendency to gossip, overeat, our divisiveness and our laziness to Jesus and dealing with that seriously.

If we humbly confessed our sins first, others would be more likely to come to terms with their sins.

22  But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ.  Galatians 3:21-22

 We are all sinners who are saved by grace by believing in Jesus Christ.   The first part of our mission is to “KNOW Christ” and this how.

So here’s an idea. Instead of pretending someone else’s sin is worse than your sin, confess your sin.

You’ll be in such a better place if you do that. And so will they.  You might actually be able to help them.   We will “GROW to be like Christ” as we focus on “growing me and serving others.”

  1. Stop Judging Outsiders

We in the modern church have largely ignored Paul’s injunction to stop judging non-Christians.

12 It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning.   13  God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, “You must remove the evil person from among you.”   1 Corinthians 5:12-13

Even Jesus said he didn’t come into the world to judge it, but to save it.

I completely get the urge to judge our neighbors and even the world. Things bother me too.

But I have to refrain. Our faith in Christ demands it.

The outside world has a judge. And it’s not you.

He’s fairer than you. He’s more just than you, more perfect than you and far more accurate.

In the meantime, do your best to help reconcile your brothers and sister in the world to their heavenly father through Christ.

At The Ridge we will focus on growing people inside our church.  Holding them accountable and helping them take next steps. We will pray for and invite those outside our church.

If our job is the reach the world… judgment is a terrible evangelism strategy.

People don’t line up to be judged.   They will line up to be loved.

So love people, especially the people with whom you disagree.  Pray for them. That’s what we all really need.  Minister to them and invite them to church.

So let’s all agree to handle conflict correctly. Look to God not politics or government for true change. Confess my sins, not worry about others sins, love, pray and invite for those outside of the church.  That will reduce the drama of the church and will move the mission of our church forward.

Darrell

www.RidgeFellowship.com

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