A Story of Suicide by Jerry Allen & Vandala Hood

Posted on December 19, 2014 by dkoop

Jerrry AllsnHi my name is Jerry Allen, a member of The Ridge’s pastoral teaching group. “I would like to share the story of how my Brother-in-law, Darrell Hood’s suicide affected many lives.  Here’s a key thought:

Suicide is a permanent solution to life’s temporary problems.

In March of 2009, I remember our life was amazing. Kathina and I were enjoying life with our boys. The boys and I had been building model rockets for several weeks and decided on March 21st to go out as a family to launch the rockets. We had the best time launching the rockets, watching the parachutes open, running to recover them and doing it again and again! After a full day of rockets, we went to Chili’s to eat and enjoy a meal with the Kid’s. I remember telling Kathina, “this has been the best day ever.”

Then the phone rang! Our entire world was about to change for several years. Kathina’s mother called and told us that Darrell had committed suicide!

I had known Darrell Hood for about 20 years and considered him a good friend. I actually introduced Darrell to my sister-in-law Serena. After a short courtship they were married. Darrell and Serena had one daughter Vandala and Yancy, a son from Serena’s previous marriage. They lived near Houston. Darrell Hood was this guy with big dreams and always seemed to live beyond his means to appear to those around him that he was more than he truly was. Money, Success, and Position were the things that were the most important to him. Darrell is what I would consider an “American Christian.” You know I must be a Christain because I am an American! I would speak with Darrell about once a week. He gave me no indication that he was in trouble. Everything was just great! However, Darrell and Serena had filed bankruptcy several times during their marriage and apparently were on the verge of having to file bankruptcy again. Darrell could not handle how this might affect his status!

5 Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. 6 So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. Romans 8:5-6 NLT

Do you keep things to yourself?  Do you try to handle life’s problems alone?

Here at the Ridge Fellowship, we offer growth groups that create a sense of family. At our Men’s group here in Jarrell, men are able to talk about the things that they struggle with without fear of judgement. Our group is growing closer and forming a strong brother hood. The ladies have experienced similar results.

On March 21, 2009; With the entire family home, Darrell stated that he would NOT file bankruptcy again! Darrell then left the room. Went to his closet. Took a revolver.  And right as his son Yancy entered the closet…..Darrell Hood squeezed the trigger.

In case you’r’e wondering about suicide in the bible, here’s a suicide recorded in the Bible:   When Ahithophel realized that his advice had not been followed, he saddled his donkey, went to his hometown, set his affairs in order, and hanged himself. He died there and was buried in the family tomb. 2 Samuel 17: 23

After receiving the call from Kathina’s mom, we got the boys situated with friends and headed to Houston to help deal with the aftermath. The entire Hood family was in shock and we went into management mode. Serena was not capable of dealing with anything. Yancy and Vandala were distant. We began to make plans for the funeral, their finances, and ultimately their future. Eventually Serena and Vandala moved in with Kathina and me after the funeral.

Does Suicide keep us from going to heaven?   It’s controversial, but the answer is no!

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Romans 8:35 NLT

37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Romans 8:37-38 NLT

I have learned that,

People who survive losing a loved one through Suicide can face:

  1. Feelings of Guilt and Responsibility.
  2. Feelings of Anger and Betrayal.
  3. Fear of doing the same thing.

Here’s a picture of my niece Vandala Hood – (Darrell’s daughter)

Vandala Hood

Vandala writes – “I grew up in Georgetown with my parents and brother and was provided with anything I needed and more. I was “daddy’s Princess”. At seven years old, I was devastated to learn that I would be leaving all my friends behind to move to Houston where we would start fresh. After the move is when things began going downhill for my family. For a while we were okay, but then my dad would come home and drink after work until he became an alcoholic. My family began falling apart. My mom kept to herself and was dealing with medical issues and my brother got into trouble of his own. I felt as though I was the only ‘normal’ one and felt alone.

There were several times when my dad and I would have deep conversations; he would ask me, “What would you do if something ever happened to me?” I never thought anything of the conversations other than drunken concerns. I thought he was just talking-not planning for the future. On March 21st, 2009 my father took his life in the home I grew up in. My mom, brother, and I were all there. My mom and I just got home from getting dinner when my dad came into the dining room distraught and emotional. “I can’t do it anymore” he said, “I’m not going to file for bankruptcy again.” We tried calming him, but we could not soothe what was going through his mind. He turned his back and headed to his room, my brother followed after him only moments too late. The next few hours seemed like days. The vivid details still play in my head today. I replay the day in my head, I remember exactly what I was doing, wearing, and what he said. I was his “princess and pumpkin and thought he would always be there for me until his one decision turned not only my life around, but my entire family.

For a long time I felt a lot a regret and anger. I could have saved him, I could have done something about his suicide, if only I caught on to what he was really telling me from our past conversations. There were a lot of unanswered questions I had for my dad and often looked for notes he may have left behind. I was hopeless, lost, and afraid. I lost my role model, my support system, but more importantly my daddy. I watched as our belongings were sold one by one and the life I once knew became a tornado that ripped everything I had ever know away. I knew my mom would not have been able to support us own her own so I was terrified of what would happen.

Jerry and Kathina open their doors and hearts to my mother and me when we felt we had nowhere to go.  I can’t imagine what kind of life I would be leading if it was not for them. I resented them for a long time. I didn’t want to live there or play by their rules, so I did a lot of things I probably shouldn’t have. But if they didn’t step into my life and show me love and compassion I would not be the woman I am today”

For a long time I didn’t want to attend church with the Allen’s. I felt no need, Going to church was hard for me, it had been about seven years since I had steadily been to church and they wanted me to go after the upheaval in my life? No thank you. My dad always said, “I don’t have to go to church to believe in God, I know where I stand”, and for a long time I thought he was right. However, it was not until my relationship grew with Christ, that I disagreed with my dad’s thoughts. Attending church provided me with strength, both spiritual and emotional. I also found love and encouragement; those things alone made me want to persevere.  

Because of The Allen’s, I have a strong relationship with Christ and am able to share my relationship with others.

Darrell Jerry's Brother in LawMy dad made a permanent decision to a temporary problem and now my family and I are left to pick up the pieces. I’m not going to sugar coat the fact that the feelings, emotions, and struggles never go away. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my dad and all the things I would share with him if he were here. Because of his selfish decision, he has missed out on teaching me how to drive, meeting my first boyfriend, graduating high school, or sending me off to college. When I get married he won’t be there to hold my hand and walk me down the aisle, nor will he meet his grandchild. All of these are milestones in my life that he will never be able to share with me, because of his selfish choice. To anyone that has lost a loved one or may be thinking of ending your life, listen to my story and know that you do not have to walk alone.”  Vandala Hood

Jerry Allen:

“Vandala lived with us from March 2009 until she graduated High School in 2011. She currently attends Taralton State University as a Junior. She will be graduating in 2016 with a Degree in Social Work. She has been a true blessing in my life and I will do anything for her.

Suicide is a permanent solution to life’s temporary problems.

This selfish decision is one that affects all of those around you. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide please talk with someone immediately! I know for a fact that those around you do not want to see you take your own life! We love you and want to have you around for many years to come!

We have included several links and numbers below for people who are thinking of committing suicide and for those who are dealing with the aftermath of suicide.

Is anyone reading this living a false life? Outwardly everything is fine but secretly inside they are screaming out for help! If that is you please make a positive change by sharing you story with someone you trust or write a comment below and a member of our pastoral group will contact you.

Do you desire to have a personal relationship with Christ?  He can help you.  Click here for more information.

Suicide hotlines:

  • https://org
  • (800) 273-TALK (8255)
  • 800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433)

Suicide prevention and awareness sites:

Grief support for suicide survivors:

For more about Growth Groups for support or The Ridge Fellowship go to:  www.RidgeFellowship.com

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Jesus Says – Week 10 Tithe Challenge

Posted on December 19, 2014 by dkoop

This coming week we celebrate Christmas.  Are you ready?  Since Christmas is about Jesus, as well as giving gifts, I thought it might be interesting to look at what he said about the topic of giving and tithing.   As I read the gospels I am blown away how Jesus takes any subject and gets to the heart of the matter!

For Jesus, there was no question whether a person should give to God.  The question was how much? He said things like, “look at this widow, she gave everything” (Luke 21:2-4) as he commends her before the disciples for her giving.   He says things like, “whoever does not give up everything cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:33)   He said in the Sermon on the Mount, “you cannot have two masters, you cannot serve God and money” (Matthew 6:24)

There are so many other examples but the point is, Jesus gets to the heart of the matter to reveal that God owns it all.  Giving back to the One who gave it in the first place is a given, and money cannot be first place in your life.

So what does He say about tithing itself?   We see in Matthew 23:23 where he nails the Pharisees for their hyper religion that leaves out some major issues:

23 “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens, but you ignore the more important aspects of the law—justice, mercy, and faith. You SHOULD tithe, yes, but do not neglect the more important things. Matthew 23:23

When I read this used to think, “How ridiculous!” to tithe out each item from the garden.    But then Jesus says, “You Should” He doesn’t even make fun of them for this attention to detail in giving.   This is very convicting to me.   The life, sacrifice and teachings of Jesus have impacted me greatly.

Now I am going to share what we are doing personally (and this has taken some time for us to get here).

  • In our family we give our tithe from the Gross, (before the Government gets any God gets his).
  • We tithe on money we receive from birthday or Christmas presents (from a $100 gift, $10 goes back to God) or any extra income, we give 10% of it to God.
  • We are increasing our giving amount beyond 10% which is currently around 20%.

We are so blessed!  We have found this statement to be true, “you can’t out give God.”    Compared to what Jesus gave, what we give is really small. We also pray that we are rich in justice, mercy and faith as well.

So when I reflect upon Matthew 23: 23 and beyond to the cross… I am giving so little in return.

Thanks for stepping out in this journey.   Jesus is our example.  I pray you have meaningful, reflective and powerful walk with Christ.   Merry Christmas!

Until next week, Darrell

Tithe online: https://upwards.church/give-online

www.Upwards.Church

Watch Messages: YouTube-Upwards Church

Facebook: Upwards Church

 

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A Story of Child Loss by Terry Brock

Posted on December 12, 2014 by dkoop

Jerry's sister's sonPictured here is Terry’s son K.W. and his girl friend Shawna who both died in an auto accident.

 “What is the one thing that you could never lose?

I heard a sermon on the radio that asked the question, ‘What is the one thing you could never lose?’

As a mother, the first thing that popped into my head of course was my kids. I really didn’t understand the true impact of this question until many years later.

I grew up believing in God.  It wasn’t until I moved to Alaska in 1991, and watched a Jesus film that I made a decision to make my faith my own. I recognized what Jesus did on the cross for me and received him as my Lord and Savior. My life has not been the same since. I used to be afraid and had no compass to guide my life decisions. Since then, God directs my steps, comforts me, and, sometimes, corrects me.

My husband, Craig, and I divorced in 1996, so my boys lived with me until Kenneth was around 13-14 years old. Since boys need their daddy more in their teen years they went to live with their dad. They moved to San Angelo, since Craig retired from the military and became a ROTC teacher. They lived in Texas and I lived in Alaska.

March 5, 2008 changed my life forever. My oldest son, Kenneth Savage, died in a terrible auto accident. Kenneth’s senior year he was going home after school with his girlfriend, Shawna Ralph, when a distracted driver ran into their car on a dangerous curve. It killed them both instantly.

Here’s the new story as reported by The Standard-Times March 6, 2008,

”Shortly before 1p.m., Central Seniors Shawna Ralph, 17, and Kenneth Savage,18, were southbound along South Chadbourne Street when a vehicle crossed a center lane and crashed head-on into their vehicle, San Angelo police said.
Ralph was driving a 1987 Ford Crown Victoria along the 2000 block of South Chadbourne street when a 1998 Chevrolet pickup truck driven by Jared Elkins, 26, crossed the center line, said Lt. Curtis Milbourn, public information officer for San Angelo police.
Both vehicles were heavily damaged in the crash, and the teens likely died instantly, police said.
“It appears to be simply a tragedy where the driver was distracted,” Milbourn said. “

I remember the pain of hearing that my baby boy had died. Thankfully someone told me in person. Craig had the presence of mind to not just call me. Someone close to me found me and told me in person.

The loss of my son K.W. seared my soul! No words can adequately describe the pain, hurt loss! I was angry that others were alive and he would never be again!

I argued with God for approximately a year and a half about His decision to take K.W. from my life! I remembered that sermon from the Radio about what I could not afford to lose and I was so very mad! I even bought a punching bag to take it out on! I was so sad and depressed! My baby boy was gone!

 My Sunday school teacher Tana bought me a devotional “Streams in the Desert” which taught me how God uses the hard things in our lives to bring us hope and beauty.

I also was introduced to a song by Third Day “Tunnel” that states,

‘I won’t pretend to know what you’re thinking
I can’t begin to know what you’re going through
I won’t deny the pain that you’re feeling
But I’m gonna try and give a little hope to you

Just remember what I’ve told you
There’s so much you’re living for

There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin’ bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin’ on

You’ve got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Brings a new life for your eyes to see

So remember what I’ve told you
There’s so much you’re living for’

I began to realize that it was my relationship with God that I could not afford to lose.

I also went through Greif Share a couple of times. Grief Share is an organization that provides small groups that help people with similar grief to process their grief.

Here are some things I learned: As Parents, we naturally expect to outlive our children.  Loss of a child can bring feelings of denial and desperation.  Drawing near to God can help. Life moves on but the pain remains.  There is hope in being reunited.

If you have gone through the loss of I child, as I did, remind yourself daily of who God is- gracious, full of compassion and of great mercy. I remember the first hour after I heard of my son’s death God brought to me a gift from my K.W.  I had organized a folder with papers and drawings from Kenneth’s elementary years.  I found in his writing a scripture from the book of Matthew.  It spoke to my heart about how God knew that K.W. was going to die that day. It did not surprise Him. He was and is in control.  I also remembered a conversation K.W. and I had about heaven.  He watched Creation DVD’s from Kent Hovind.  Kenneth said “Mom, in heaven there will be more colors and each will have a smell. When we’re in heaven we will smell the colors together.” The word picture he gave me warms my heart and I have so much to look forward to in heaven. In heaven there is no time so I think I’m already there with him.  Through my relationship with God, I have hope of a future forever with K.W. Without that relationship there is no hope!

Therefore, God is the only thing we can’t afford to lose.”

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:4 NLT

Thanks Terry for being so vulnerable and to Jerry for helping share this story.

www.RidgeFellowship.com

Resource:  Grief Share is a friendly, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences. You don’t have to go through the grieving process alone.   http://www.griefshare.org/

 

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Could We Feed All the Hungry Kids in the World? Week 9 Tithe Challenge

Posted on December 12, 2014 by dkoop

Our Christmas Offering will help hungry kids in Guatemala.  (Pictured here is a little girl in one of the feeding centers from our Guatemala Mission Group’s last trip)

feeding center The missionary we work with says it takes about $450 a month to feed the 100 kids at one feeding center 3 days a week.  We and other churches have helped do this, but for every 100 kids fed there are thousands that go hungry each day.  Could the American church feed all hungry children in world?

Thanks to the research organization The Empty Tomb (http://www.emptytomb.org/research.html) we now know the answer to this question!

Here’s what could happen:

If Americans who identify with the historically Christian church had chosen to give 10% to their congregations rather than the 2.43% given per year, there would have been an additional $172 billion available for work through the church.1 If those members had specified that 60% of their increased giving were to be given to international missions, there would have been an additional $103 billion available for the international work of the church. That would have left an additional $34 billion for domestic missions, including poverty conditions in the U.S.,2 and this all on top of our current church activities!

  • One source estimates that an additional $70 to $80 billion a year could address the basic needs of the poorest people around the world.3
  • Additionally, $5 billion a year4 could end the estimated 8.8 million children under five dying around the globe each year.5
  • Basic primary education for all children around the globe would cost $7 billion a year.6
  •  The total cost to evangelize the world including ongoing work would $1 billion a year.7

This information should encourage us. Progress is possible!

Here is the a graphic to show what was just explained:

If Believers Gave 10%

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is within the church’s ability in America to end child deaths worldwide, educate all children worldwide, help the poor worldwide and evangelize the world!  We have this capability!

Could we feed all the hungry children in the world?  YES, if everyone gave 10% like you do.  Thanks for doing your part to make a difference!

Darrell

Tithe Online:

https://upwards.church/give-online

www.Upwards.Church

Watch Messages: YouTube-Upwards Church

Facebook: Upwards Church

End Notes:
1 The basis for the calculations of potential giving by historically Christian churches in the U.S. in 2008 is as follows. In chapter seven of this volume titled Why and How Much Do Americans Give? a 2008 figure of total giving to religion was presented in the Denomination-Based series Keyed to 1974 Filer Estimate. That figure was $74.9 billion. A figure of 73.8% was multiplied by the 2008 figure for giving to religion of $74.9 billion to determine what amount was given by those who identify with the historically Christian church. The result was $55.3 billion. In 2008, if giving had increased to an average of 10% from the actual level of 2.43% given, instead of $55.3 billion, an amount of $228 billion would have been donated to historically Christian churches. The difference between the $55.3 billion given and the potential of $228 billion is $172 billion, the additional money that would have been available at an average of 10% giving. The above figure of 73.8% was based on an empty tomb, inc. analysis of data published in Barry A. Kosmin and Ariela Keysar; American Religious Identification Survey [ARIS 2008] Summary Report; Hartford, Conn.: Trinity College, March 2009; p. 5 of 7/4/2009 printout, and referred to that portion of the U.S. population that identifies with the historically Christian church—those communions and traditions, such as Roman Catholic, Orthodox, evangelical and mainline Protestant, Pentecostal, and Anabaptist, that profess a commitment to the historic tenets of the faith. See John and Sylvia Ronsvalle, The State of Church Giving through 2008: Kudos to Wycliffe Bible Translators and World Vision for Global At-Scale Goals, But Will Denominations Resist Jesus Christ And Not Spend $1 to $26 Per Member to Reach The Unreached When Jesus Says, You Feed Them? (Champaign, IL: empty tomb, inc., 2010), Chapter 6, p. 65.
2 It may be noted that the estimate of an additional $172 billion that would be available if average giving were at 10% is at the lower end. Rather than using the calculation detailed in the previous endnote, two other estimates of $587 billion and $742 billion for 2008 were obtained based on alternate assumptions. An alternative estimate of $587 billion was derived based on the assumption that: (1) 59.45% of Americans are members of historically Christian churches, with aggregate after-tax income of $6.4 trillion; (2) religious giving was $74.9 billion in 2008; and (3) 73.8% of religious giving was from self-identifying Christians (estimate based on ARIS 2008). The results indicated that the giving level among self-identifying Christians was 0.86% of historically Christian church member after-tax income in 2008, rather than the 2.43% noted in the previous endnote. In that case, the difference between 2008 giving at 0.86% and 10% would have been $587 billion. Alternatively, one could base the potential giving level calculation on the assumptions that: (1) 73.8% of Americans identify with the historically Christian church, whether or not they are members (estimate based on ARIS 2008); (2) this portion of Americans had an aggregate after-tax income of $8.0 trillion; and (3) the calculation considered contributions as possibly available from this 73.8% of U.S. population. Giving levels would then have been at the 0.69% of income level. In that case, the difference between self-identified Christian giving in 2008 at the 0.69% level and a potential 10% level would have yielded an additional $742 billion in 2008. The estimate of 59.45% church member figure was an empty tomb, inc. calculation based on Gallup, Religion in America 2002, pp. 28, 40. The 2008 aggregate Disposable Personal Income figure of $10.8064 trillion that was multiplied by the church member population figures in the two alternative calculations contained in this endnote above was obtained from U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis National Income and Product Accounts, Table 2.1, Personal Income and Its Disposition, line 26, data published 3/26/2010. For further discussion, see Chapter 6, The State of Church Giving through 2008, including p. 65.
3Carol Bellamy, The State of the World’s Children 2000 (New York: UNICEF, 2000), p. 37.
4James Grant, The State of the World’s Children 1990 (New York: Oxford University Press, 1990), p. 16, estimated that $2.5 billion a year would be needed by the late 1990s to stop preventable child deaths. An updated figure of $5.1 billion was cited in Jennifer Bryce, et al.; Can the World Afford to Save the Lives of 6 Million Children Each Year?; The Lancet, vol. 365; 6/25/2005; p. 2193; <http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS014065667773/fulltext>; p. 1 of 1/11/2006 printout.
5United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), The State of the World’s Children, Special Edition, Statistical Tables (New York: UNICEF, November 2009), p. 11.
6Carol Bellamy, The State of the World’s Children 1999 (New York: UNICEF, 1999), p. 85.
7 John Ronsvalle and Sylvia Ronsvalle, The State of Church Giving through 2005: Abolition of the Institutional Enslavement of Overseas Missions (Champaign, IL: empty tomb, inc., 2008), pp. 66-67.
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