3 Naked Truth’s about Sex

50 Shades RidgeLet’s undress this topic, pun intended.  More importantly let’s look at what God says about S.E.X.

Sex is 

Supernatural.

The word supernatural it indicates something out of this world, divine or of God.   Sex is supernatural because God created it.  Sex was His plan, His idea, so it’s not dirty, sinful or shameful.  It’s “very good” like the the rest of what God created.  “God saw all that He had made, and it was very good.”  Genesis 1:31a

Much in God’s creation is majestic and mysterious and therefore supernatural.  Sex is one of those things.  We didn’t discover sex during the sexual revolution.  God gave us sex from the beginning and before sin ever entered the human equation,

“Be fruitful and increase in number; Genesis 1:28   In other words, Get it on!

It freaks some people out  to connect God and sex.  Culture has removed God from sex. Often we often think of sex as something R rated. Or reduce it to a natural urge like eating, but its more.  Sex is also supernatural because it creates oneness: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

 “…and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24b  Oneness.

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, the trinity are united.  Three in one. When a couple engages in sexual intercourse in marriage you have the male character qualities of God and the female character qualities of God coming together as one.  Sex is not just sex:

Sex is two souls touching. 

When two souls touch they have the power to produce another soul!!   Now THAT is supernatural! How many times have you said or heard people say, “the birth of a child is a miracle.”  It is, its supernatural because of sex caused it, and God created it that way.  Living Sperm, living egg = new life!   It’s not just for the back seat of car for dating, its oneness and holiness.

We have to have a mental modification to grab hold of this. Sex is supernatural.  Sex is also for our…

Enjoyment.

Smile!   Because sex for our enjoyment! Don’t be bashful about it!  Sex was created for our enjoyment.

Some people think, “Sex is for procreation.”  Yes, but sex is also for…Recreation!

If it was only for procreation, we would be like animals.  Sex would be a duty to get over with and move on.   But God created it for enjoyment.

If sex were only for procreation then we would not enjoy sex before and after we have children.  Niki and I have three children. The party didn’t stop!

The way God created us to have sex as humans is different than with animals.  With animals, the male is looking at the back of the female… (dogs, cattle, horses – they just jump on the other’s back! )  Be glad you’re not a turtle, chicken or duck – they bite the heck out of the female first!!   In humans, God designed us to be face to face.  Think about it, why?  Animals are drawn to each other only certain times/cycles. Humans are drawn most any time.

The Bible talks a lot about the enjoyment of sex to satisfy one another.  “May her breasts satisfy you always,  may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” Proverbs 5:19

“May your fountain be blessed,  and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Proverbs 5:18    Do I really need to explain what a fountain is?  The bible calls the man a fountain or a spring and a woman a well.  Yes, its in the bible!   Notice the other words that describe sexual enjoyment:  “satisfy.” ” intoxicated with love,”  “rejoice.”

Also the entire book of  Song of Solomon has parts that are very erotic and in Hebrew lingo very graphic!  The whole book shares about the enjoyment of marital sex.

And the very difficult thing is when you don’t enjoy sex with your spouse.  Some don’t have a healthy view of sex. Maybe you brought baggage into the relationship, molestation, rape, abuse.  Perhaps you grew up hearing, “it’s dirty, you will get diseases, Don’t do it, don’t do it. ” And that’s set into your mind so that you think that sex is some type of an ugly thing…. Not the beautiful gift that God intended it to be.

We cannot dislike something that God says to “rejoice” in.

What does it say to your spouse if you dread that intimate time with them? It devalues them, it just says, “You’re not important to me.” And God wants us to enjoy it. If we do enjoy it, again, that’s going to be evident in every area, not just the physical. It flows and goes into every aspect of our relationship.

“The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”  Genesis 2:25

There is no shame in God’s game. No shame. So it’s for our enjoyment.

The next naked truth: S.E.X. is

eXclusive    Husband & Wife in the bond/commitment/ covenant of marriage.

God created sex for the context of marriage. He created it for us to be fruitful, to multiply, to enjoy it, but he also says it’s exclusive.  It’s a beautiful gift that God has given a man & woman in the unbreakable bond of marriage.  Jesus also affirms God’s plan from the beginning when asked about divorce, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Matthew 19: 4

A marriage ceremony unites a couple in the sight of man, Sex unites a couple in the sight of God.  Have you heard of the term, consummate the marriage?” In times past, a wedding ceremony occurred in a church, then it wasn’t official until “consummated” in a marriage bed.

It’s the issue of content and context. The content: sex. God says use the content (sex) in my context (the marriage bed). The result: You’ll achieve your destiny. We have have freedom of choice given to us by God.  We can chose to take the content and use it out of context.  But, the result will be chaos.

Sex is like a the fire place in your house- the fire goes in there and creates warmth and intimacy but if it gets out, it can cause untold hurt and damage.

Some say, “That’s what are condoms are for.” I would say there is no condom for a broken heart.  Sex is not just physical.  It’s emotional, relational and spiritual.  Sex unites physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually.

I hear some many people say, “Everybody is doing it. Come on, you must live under a rock!”  Well, no. I want to challenge you to know God’s purpose and plan for what He created.

Some think, “We need to test the waters because to make sure we are physically compatible.” I want to challenge you. You concern yourselves about the spiritual compatibility and God will take care of the physical compatibility.

He provides!   But some may think, “I know better than God. I’m the sexpert! ”

Niki have been married for almost 20 years. We dated for almost a year. We remained pure during our year of dating.  It was not easy because we are people like everybody else.  We set boundaries as we were dating to protect ourselves.  Can tell you that we did not test the waters of sex before marriage and God took care of it, OK? He took care of it!

Great sex is not about testing the waters prior to marriage. It’s about trusting God and He will take care of it.

And if you are a virgin and you’re thinking about sleeping in the bed before marriage, I would tell you categorically from Scripture and experience with so many people, don’t do it!

God forgives, but he does not remove the consequences. It’s ideal; it’s the best to give that gift to your spouse when you’re married.

Some may say, “OK, my virginity is in the past tense. Is there hope for me still?  Have I committed this unpardonable sin?”  No.

I have sexual baggage from my past.  Here’s what I have experienced and you can too!   When you give your heart to Jesus Christ, like I have He power-washes your life and forgives you.  And he takes on anything from your past that you’ve done, he takes it upon himself so that when we are standing before God, and God looks at our hearts, he sees Jesus. Not our sin, not our shame.

This passage illustrates this beautifully.

Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders will inherit the kingdom of God.  And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.   1 Corinthians 6:9-11

To be “Washed” means Christ washes away of my past.  To be “Sanctified” means Christ is growing me and changing me.  To be “Justified” means, when I stand before God, he see’s Jesus.  “Just-if-I’d”  Never sinned.  Isn’t that good new?!

That’s what Jesus did for me.  I hope you will let him do that for you.  Take back what the enemy has stolen! Sex is supernatural, enjoyable and exclusive.

Darrell

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

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A Choice of Movies this Valentine’s Weekend

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The Power of Presence

50 Shades RidgeThere’s power in presence.

Think about it this way.  God didn’t shout His love from heaven.  What did He do?  He showed His love by coming to earth.  He stripped Himself of all heavenly glory, and became one of us.  God became flesh in the Person of Jesus.  One of Jesus’ names is Immanuel, “God with us.

He lived with us.  He loved those that others rejected.  He poured His heart into those the religious communities said were not worthy.  He ate with, tax collectors, and sinners, and prostitutes.  God didn’t shout His love from heaven; He showed His love on earth.  There’s something about presence that is so powerful, and yet, so many of us settle for something less.

Be like Jesus. Be present with one another.  Why?  Because

  • My Presence is Powerful.

Paul said this, in Romans 12:9, “Don’t just pretend to love others.”  Let’s not let it just stay at the shallow level, really love them: “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them.  Love people, really love them.  Be present in their lives.

Let’s suppose you have a friend, or a family member, that’s hurting right now.  They just received bad news:  bad medical news, their girlfriend broke up with them or there was a death in the family.

What is an acceptable way to show love?  Most of us today would pound out a text: “Hey, thinking about you” or better, “I’m praying for you.”

Let’s take it up a notch, because we are followers of Jesus, and really want to show love.  There is something else we can do with our phone.  It is not just something we type on.  We can call them and talk to them! Ask them, “How are you doing?” and listen to the tone of their voice.  And we can not just pray for them, but we can pray with them over the phone.  Then we can ask them some questions, and the conversation can go places that it will not go in a text. We can hear the tone of their voice and respond with emotion.

What’s another thing we could do to show love?  We could go see them!  We could get in our car, go to them and sit down face to face, and listen to them.  We can ask them questions, have a cup of coffee with them, put your hand on their shoulder, or hold hands, and pray with them.  If they’re crying, you just wrap an arm around and hold them.  There’s something powerful about being there.  There’s something powerful about presence.

In fact, I learned this early on as a minister.  There was a death in the church where I was first a pastor.  Worse, it was a suicide.  I felt helpless. I went to do the pastoral visit with the family.  And I was really young, nervous, and I was praying, “God, help me to do this right.  Give me words to say.  Don’t let me mess up.”

I walked in to be with the family.  I never will forget, the sister just started crying,  I then could see the face of her sister who was gone, who attended our church, and wondering what kind of pain she must have had to end her life.  I wondered if I could have done more, then I started crying.  And we just sat there for I don’t know how long, and we just cried.  That’s all I could do.

And at the end of it, I thought to myself, I’ve got to do something pastoral.  I’ll pray some prayer.  It was simple – child like, “God, help them.  Amen.”  And I went out to my car.  I felt so small and insignificant, and like the biggest spiritual failure.  I didn’t say anything.  My prayer was pathetic.  Here they are, in their greatest time of need, and I messed up.

Well, a couple of days later, I got the nicest note from this family, and it said something along the lines of, “When you walked into the room, we just felt like God’s love walked in with you.”  And then, they said, “Every word you said was just perfect.”  I didn’t say much!  And it was all perfect.

And what I realized is that my presence said more than any words could say.  Presence alone …   There’s something powerful about that.  And back then, we couldn’t text, but had I been able to text, and I’d said the perfect thing, the perfect text would not have meant nearly as much as presence.  There’s power in presence.

I remember in the formative years early ministry, feeling called but not knowing what that meant.  There were some times in my licensing and when I got married and for ordination where some of the men in church, the staff, the deacons prayed for me.  There was something powerful about praying with – not just someone praying for, but praying with and laying hands on me.  I try to pray like that as often as I can.

I don’t know what it is, but God is a relational God, and He created us to love Him, and to love one another.  And we can love each other from a distance with technology, but we can do so much more when we’re face-to-face. And when we put a loving hand on each other.

So, I don’t know what this would mean to you.  It might mean that you ask somebody to lunch that you would normally just check on and say, “Hey, let’s do lunch sometime.”  But you actually do it, and you sit across from someone, and you just let the conversation go, and you just listen, and you pray, and you laugh, and you tell stories, and you love them.

It might mean you do something crazy.  In our society today, we wall people out.  You’ve made it when you’re in a gated community.  We live to keep people out.  Maybe you’ll be more like Christ, and you’ll let people in.  You’ll invite them into your home, and you’ll make dinner for them, and if you can’t, you’ll order takeout.  But you’ll sit across a table with someone – and there is something holy about breaking bread together with other people.  It might be, you invest in someone who’s younger.  It might be you invite someone that you know nobody’s going to invite.

Some of you, right now, you’re longing for something more, spiritually, and I’ll just tell you what you’re missing: You’re missing the joy and the blessing of Christian community, of opening up God’s Word with other people, and doing life together, and encouraging one another.

And does it get messy?  Heck yes, it gets messy.  It does.  You can control it and keep it clean from a distance, but the risk is worth the reward when you open up your heart.  We call it a “Growth Group.”  Life is better together.    Not only is my presence powerful, also:

  • My Engagement is Life Changing. Be engaged. Don’t just be physically present, but be emotionally, completely engaged and present.

Peter said this, “Most important of all continue to show deep love for one another” 1 Peter 4:8.   A deep, spiritual engagement, where we’re all in.  Where the person in the room is the most important one to us.

Parents, you’ve done this.   I know I have.   My kid’s begging for attention – “Dad!” “Dad!” “Daddy!”  Look at my drawing!  Momma!  Momma!”  We’re busy.  What are we doing?  I’m responding to an email, thinking it will change a life, but the life I can really change is begging for my attention.

Think about how incredibly rude it would be, if we are out having coffee, and we’re engaged in a conversation.  You’re pouring your heart out to me, and I reach into my backpack, and I pull out a book, go to my place – I’m on page 32 – and I read two pages of my book.  And then, I put it back down and say, “Okay, keep going.”  Like, “What’s your problem?”

And then, you’re back into it, and you’re talking to me, and I’m listening to you.  And then, I reach down, and I pull out my to-do list: “Got to get butter.  Got to call the repair person on the air conditioner.”  Then, I put it back down – “Keep going.  Keep going.”  And you pick back up.

And then, about 10 minutes into it, I walk off.  And I go up to someone else, say, “Hi, what’s going on?  And then, I come back and sit down with you.  You’d think, Who is this stupid guy?

But what do we do?  We’re face to face with someone that matters to us, and the whole time … we’re checking our  phone.  Be engaged.

Every time my phone buzzes, whistles, chirps, beeps, there’s something in me that thinks. “Who said something?  What is it?  What do I need to know?  In fact, there’s a new word that just hit the dictionary, called  F-O-M-O.  It stands for “fear of missing out.”  And there’s a generation that fears, What am I going to miss?  What am I going to miss?  

I might miss someone’s funny turtle picture!   I may miss someone liking my picture – Did they like it?  

At the end of your life, it’s not going to matter how many likes you have, but how much love you showed.

What I really should be afraid of is missing out on the person in front of me.  Missing out on my children growing up.

So, I don’t know how you apply this, but for us, phone goes down during dinnertime, face down; nobody picks it up.  At Growth Group – face down.  At night, on the charger in the kitchen.  If you’re in bed with your spouse, and you’re both on your phones, and you’re tempted to text to her, and ask her if she’s in the mood, she responds #Headache; you’re done.

First John 3:18, “Dear children, [let us] not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.”  Don’t just pray for them; pray with them.  Don’t just like what they post; like who they are.  Get involved in their lives.

My presence is powerful.  Your’s is too.

Darrell

http://www.Ridgefellowship.com

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How is Social Media Changing Relationships?

50 Shades RidgeOur relationships are so important.  Social media can help. We completely embrace it, as a church.   I love the many forms of social media, and the advantages of technology.

Do you text, message, Facebook or Instagram your spouse, kids, family or friends with an encouraging word: I love you, you’re special or a great picture?    We can do so much to share our lives and minister to other people through technology and social media.  It’s incredible.

But that being said, if we do too much of it, and are consumed with it, it can actually hurt our relationships, and rob us from that which God values most.  We may love it, but we have to manage it.

I want us to look at intimacy in relationships.  I hope you will hear everything through the lens of the words of Jesus in John chapter 13: 34-35. 

Jesus said 34 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  35 By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.”

What I love about this is not just what Jesus said, but also what He didn’t say:

  •  He didn’t say “They will know you are My disciples if you have perfect theology.”  Good theology is important, but He didn’t say that.
  • He didn’t say, “They will know you are My disciples, if you have a fish stiicker on the back of your car.”

They will know you are my followers by your love.  How did Jesus love? What is love? Is love given only from a computer screen, tablet or mobile device?

In light of what Jesus said.    How is Social Media changing relationships?  We know that it’s helping in a lot of different ways but are there any drawbacks?

  1. The term “friend” is changing.

For example, a “friend” used to mean somebody that you did life with.  We were together, doing life.  Now a friend can be somebody that you’ve never met in person, only someone that clicked a button on their computer!

For example, the average American Facebook user has 328 Facebook friends, but the average American says they only have two “close” friends, which is down from six, two decades ago.  Today twenty-five percent of Americans say they have zero close friends.  So, the tension is real.  You may have 328 Facebook friends, but you also say you do not have any “real” and close friends.  And so, we could argue, all day long, we’ve got lots of online interactivity, and yet, we may have very limited personal intimacy.  The term “friend” is changing.

  1. We’re becoming obsessed with immediate affirmation.

In other words, if I’m feeling a little bit lonely, and I want a little affirmation, I can –take a selfie.  I could immediately upload this to Instagram or Facebook and if I came back a few minutes later, I would have some likes.  I may even have a comment: “Oh, you look so good.” “ I like that shirt!  Where’d you get that?”   I could get some immediate feedback.

And what’s happening is, we’re becoming addicted to this immediate feedback.  In fact, scientists will tell you that it releases a chemical in our brain called “dopamine,” and we are becoming so addicted to that thought– What did they say?  Did they like it?  Who liked it?  How many people liked it?  Why didn’t she like it?  She never likes my pictures!  I’m not going to like hers anymore!  And we are addicted to this immediate feedback!

And what this is doing is, it is meeting a short-term need, but we are deferring a longer-term and deeper need.  Sociologists now have phrased what they call “deferred loneliness.”  We feel lonely, so we post something; we say something.  We get immediate feedback, and it meets a short-term need, but we are deferring a longing for intimacy into the future, and the loneliness we feel we are deferring to another time.

We are living for likes, and we’re longing for love.  We’re hooked on this instant gratification, and it’s changing the way we do relationships.

  1. We believe we can do friendship on our own terms.

If a friend texts me, I have the choice to read his text, respond to it, not respond to it, get to it later.  I am in control of what I do or not do, how I respond to his text.  If this same friend posts a picture on Instagram, I have the power to determine, is it like-worthy or not?  Is it worth a double tap of my fingers, or do I scroll right on by another stupid picture that I’m so sick of him posting all day long?

In fact, if someone posts another picture about the Longhorns, I may just unfollow them! Why?  Because I’m in total, complete control of this friendship.  I manage it from a distance.  I will show you what part of me I want you to see.  I will tell you what I want to tell you, and if I don’t want to respond, I’m not going to respond.  And if you post too many pictures of your product, or too many duck-faced selfies, I will unfollow you, because I am in control of this friendship.  Suddenly we wake up, and the terms of friendship have started to change.

Here’s what’s often said about using Social Media:     “The more I use social media, the more I crave personal interaction.”

And other’s say, “I feel more connected than ever before, and yet, I feel more alone.”   Do you find this to be true?

Others say, “All I know to do is go click, click, scroll, scroll, click, click, click, click, click, scroll, scroll, scroll, and I’m wanting something more, but I don’t have the discipline to stop this, to engage in what I know I really want, and I don’t know how to get from here to there.”

How do we get from impersonal social media to real social interaction?

The author of Hebrews said, “24 Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.”  Wouldn’t it be amazing to get together with other followers of Jesus and say, “How can we be so aggressive in the way we show love’ that people say ‘They must be a Christian!  Have you seen the way they love one another?’”  The writer goes on to say : “And let us not neglect our [commenting on one another’s posts …”  Oh, wait, wait, wait, I’m sorry.  I totally messed that up.  He said, “25 And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another.”

Some of us need to rediscover the power of practicing presence, of being together with other people.    In the next post, we’ll look at the Power of Presence.

http://www.RidgeFellowship.com

 

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